


Awake But Dreaming

by ragenink



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 09:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 79,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3523400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragenink/pseuds/ragenink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>USING MY PHONE, I MANAGED TO DELETE THE WHOLE STORY ON ACCIDENT. :(</p><p>This idea has been in my head for a while, I've never written a fanfic but i have become increasingly more addicted to them. Gail and Holly give me the warm and fuzzies :D...You don't have to be nice, but please let me know what you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> USING MY PHONE, I MANAGED TO DELETE THE WHOLE STORY ON ACCIDENT. :(

**Chapter 1: Dreaming**

**Gail**

I tried desperately to convince myself that yesterday hadn't happened, that it had all been a dream. That my friends were not fighting for their lives, that I didn't have a mental breakdown in Holly's bathroom. That's The hard part though, ignoring her warm presence behind me quickly grew impossible. Holly's breath against my skin, her arms wrapped tight around my waist, I tried my best to stay still, to pretend to still be sleeping. I knew Holly had woken up during my internal monologue, she nuzzled my shoulder and pulled me tighter against her as her breaths started a new pattern.

"You ok?" Holly mumbled against my skin her lips stirring something deep inside me. "Peachy" I watched her hand move slowly lacing her fingers with mine. "Better." I let out, leaning back against her, Holly had a 6th sense for what I needed. "Are you ok?" Holly asked again as I rolled onto my back, turning to face her, studying her face before settling my head on her shoulder. "I was hoping it had all been a dream." I admitted fixing my gaze on our joined hands. "Oh" Holly let out a sigh before quickly removing her hand from mine, instantly I missed the contact. "I didn't mean that." I my arms around her trying to comfort her, to prove that I would never regret my actions with her.

"I wish I had been there to keep Oliver safe." My lips brushed against Holly's neck, I normally avoided this type of intimacy, but it felt natural with her. "Gail." Holly sounded concerned; I could almost hear picture her expression, the same one that donned her face when she found me on her bathroom floor. Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed her neck. "I know that I can't change what happened, the whole hind sight issue. I wonder what would have happened if I had been there though." I lost my train of thought as Holly's fingers ran up and down my back. The contact made my mind go blank for a moment, I took several breaths before trying to speak again. " I wouldn't change kissing you in the interrogation room." I smiled when I felt Holly relax below me, I chanced at her face, wanting to know her thoughts. "I'm sorry for the way" Holly quickly silenced my apology by leaning down and kissing me. Her lips were soft against mine, I knew I would never get used to the feeling kissing her. "Stop overthinking." She breathed pulling away slightly as her hand moved under my shirt to rest against the small of my back.

"I thought I had dreamed last night." I sucked on my lower lip when she pulled away, her warm eyes meeting mine. "Why?" Holly asked, her eyes searching mine, as if she could see every part of me. "I've dreamed about it before, kissing you that is." I closed the distance between us again tenderly pressing my lips to hers. This didn't fell like the first time I had woken up in her arms, kissing her, her hands on my skin. If felt as if we had done this a million times over, that somehow it had always been this way and I was just now taking notice.

"What time is it?" Holly asked breaking the kiss, I couldn't help but return the smile that had appeared on her lips. I quickly glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to her glasses. "10." I smiled snuggling closer to her. "You need to leave for shift soon, don't you?" Holly's voice gave away her worry. "yeah, at 3." I watched her simply nod, trying not to give away her worry.

"I'm sorry about last night." I ran my fingers through my cropped hair, I desperately wanted to bring her smile back. "I'm sorry for having a breakdown in your bathroom, and I'm sorry for hogging the covers." I could not contain the soft laugh that escaped my lips as Holly's signature lopsided smile appeared. Holly had gone to great lengths to make me feel normal. That the previous night's events hadn't been confusing or uncomfortable considering the short amount of time we had been friends. God, why did that happen here of all places, with her, why did she witness that, and why had she been calm and loving.

* * *

"Gail, I'm here to catch you whenever you need to jump out of your tree." Holly let out a soft laugh before kissing my forehead. "I should clean your bathroom." I cringed, remembering the discarded bottle of rum, my hair all over the floor, the tub, the sink, the scissors, I had not only made a fool of myself, but I had made a mess of Holly's otherwise neat bathroom. "Don't worry about it." She smiled and pulled the covers over both of us. "Where do we go from here?" I laced my fingers with hers again, missing them wrapped around me. "where do you want to go?" Holly breathed; I could tell she wasn't looking forward to the list of possible answers. Considering up until 18 hours ago I had been her straight friend, my desire to kiss her and to touch her had grown insatiable in less than a day.

The truth is, I'm not sure what I want this to be, I've never let my walls crumble this way, I've never let myself feel this way. "This." I decided as I turned to kiss her, trying my best to take it slow, to keep it calm and steady. "mhmmm." I involuntarily moaned, feeling her hand against my back again. I loved that feeling, as much as I wanted to feel her everywhere I pulled back, my thoughts had gone completely NC-17. "I'm sorry." Holly muttered as I burrowed my head into the crook of her neck, breathing her in, trying desperately to hide my flushed face. Holly smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, subtle and comforting. "I don't know exactly. This feels right, and I want to be here, but I'm not really girlfriend material." I nestled against her feeling myself start to drift back to sleep. "This must be a dream too." I sighed against her neck before closing my eyes.

There is this feeling right before you fall into deep sleep, the sinking feeling of putting your feet in warm sand and listening to the waves crash against the shore. Holly's warmth enveloped me and seeped into my bones, she became my moment in the sun before I fell back into my dream. I knew this was different, I knew this was better. For the first time my feelings didn't scare me, I could be open and vulnerable with Holly, I no longer needed my barricades. "I want you." I whispered as I sunk into my dreams.

"Gail." Holly sat next to me on the bed, her voice just above a whisper. "No." I burrowed under the covers causing her to laugh. "You are going to be late for parade." I decided instantly that I liked the sound of her laugh. "Why did you get out of bed?" I missed her warmth and the smell of her skin, the bed felt less inviting without her. "its past 1 pm" Holly moved the covers from my face slowly, she smiled when our eyes met. "You didn't work." I sat up suddenly feeling guilty for sleeping so long. "It's my day off." Her eyes were searching mine as I ran my fingers through my hair, momentarily surprised by the nonexistent length. "I like your short hair." Holly smiled, sensing my uneasiness and the fact that I felt foolish for cutting off all my hair. "It's going to take me a while to grow into it." I shrugged, trying to tame the chunks that I knew were standing straight up. "I'll be downstairs, I'm working on an article." Holly quickly kissed my forehead before standing up and exiting the room.

I stripped out of Holly's borrowed pajamas and put my clothes from the previous day back on before venturing downstairs towards the kitchen. Now that I was upright and moving around I could feel the lingering effects of the alcohol, the only surefire way to cure my hangover would be near caffeine overdose . The only issue is I didn't know where the coffee makings were stored in the kitchen. I had only been here twice, last night and the night that I called Holly from the hospital after the grow op bust, neither of them is my prime examples of respectable behavior.

"Babe!" the word escaped my lips without my permission, I had never used terms of endearment in past relationships, calling Holly babe though felt right. I felt her press into my back quickly wrapping her arms around my waist before I could correct myself. "I like the way that sounds." Holly murmured, her warm breath tickling my ear, I turned to kiss her properly. "Me too." I pulled back licking my lips, watching her eyes flutter open. "But coffee." I pouted remembering why I had occupied her kitchen, why I had called out for her. "Of course." she laughed, reaching behind me to press the buttons on a machine I would never have guessed to be the coffee maker. Once I heard the water flow through the machine and took it as my queue to kiss her, closing the distance between our lips once again.

"Want me to drive you to work?" Holly asked, fixing my collar as she pulled away, the kiss had quickly escalated again. "I don't want to take you away from your article, I can call Tracie." I quickly reached into my pocket for my phone, about to text Tracie when Holly placed her hand over the screen. "I need a break, can I drive you to work?" she asked again holding out a steaming tumbler of coffee. "Please?" I smiled, taking the cup and breathing in the fumes, convinced that the smell had calmed my soul and cured my hangover. "Thank you."

"Had I known that kissing you would make you say please and thank you, I would have done it a long time ago." She shook her head at me before turning to the island behind us to grab her keys. "Mostly just the coffee." I sipped the coffee, feeling it hit all the right spots before I walked out the door grinning at the annoyed expression on her face. It still felt like the best dream I had, it didn't seem probable for me to feel this good about being with anyone. "Also, in case you weren't aware, I kissed you." I stated when she appeared at the driver's side door of her jeep. "Minor detail." Holly sighed while pulling on her seat belt. "pft, big detail." I laughed, leaning over to kiss her cheek before she pulled out of her parking space and drove towards the station.

* * *


	2. Feeling

**Holly**

When Gail walked into my office, I couldn't contain the smiled that appeared on my lips, she looked adorably angry, pouting, with wildly tousled hair, a white knuckle grip on the beanie she presumably just removed. A week had passed since the interrogation room kiss, 6 days since I woke up with her in my arms, and 4 days since I had last laid eyes on her. We had kept in contact, texting constantly and calling each other before we went to bed. Today I assumed her pout had been brought on by our lack of communication. In a rush to leave for work, I had left my mobile on the coffee table, I hadn't had the time to notice, I had been slammed with autopsies.

"You don't write; you don't call." Gail dropped herself into the chair opposite my desk with a thud. "I'm sorry, I left my phone at home and I've been extremely busy." I pushed my glasses to the top of my head and studied her, she seemed comfortable and at ease with herself in her combat boots and oversized sweater. "I've missed your face." Gail rolled her eyes as the words left her mouth. I am quickly learning that Gail unintentionally said extremely adorable things around me, often without permission from her brain. "I've missed your face too." I stood up and rounded the desk to stand in front of her.

"You look adorable today." I smiled, leaning down to kiss her quickly. "Not so fast." Gail grabbed the lapels to my coat when I tried to stand up. I searched her eyes as she pulled me back down to her lips, the kiss stared slow and sweet, quickly though her tongue begged for entrance. I had become accustomed to how quickly kissing went from soft and sweet to extremely heated in a matter of moments. "Mmhhm, hang on." I licked my lips pulling away from her enough to kick my office door closed. "Better" I smiled, leaning back to meet her lips again placing my hands on the armrests of the chair. When we pulled apart, we were both breathing heavy.

"Are you done with work, can we get out of here?" Gail pleaded, the puppy dog pout quickly winning me over. "Dinner?" I asked, trying not to kiss her, her lips were still puckered and swollen from our previous session. "Please." she grinned and then pouted, she knew I couldn't deny her when she pouted. Her pout made me cave instantly, an attribute that had been present in our friendship but would be the death of me if she discovered just how easily I would bend to her will. "Give me 10 minutes to clean up and I'll be ready." I quickly stood upright and walked behind my desk to pack up.

Honestly, I needed a moment to calm down, her lips were intoxicating and addicting. I found it harder and harder to have any form of self-control with each kiss. After a few moments, my thoughts often lead to us both in rather compromising positions. I couldn't remember ever feeling this way, especially after only a few days. I needed to let Gail set the pace, when she felt ready for that step we would take it. I didn't want to push her, as much as I wanted to push her up against everything and have my way with her, she would set the pace. It had become a mental mantra, repeating it when she touched me, or I caught her staring.

Trying to clear my thoughts of taking Gail in my office, I managed to clear the mess from my desk and workstation. "Can we leave?" Gail whined as she shifted impatiently in her chair. "Yes." I picked up my bag and walked over to her. "Let's go." I held my hand out to her needing to regain some form of contact. "Finally!" Gail exasperated quickly taking my hand, I felt an instant calm wash over me from the contact.

"Where to for dinner?" I asked as we waited for the heater in my Jeep to warm up. "I'm thinking takeout, beer, and much needed make-out time on your couch." Gail grinned rubbing her hands together; it seemed cruel that we were sitting in a car in the middle of the harsh Toronto winter, being assaulted by the cold air blasting out of the air vents. "Sounds perfect." I smiled adjusting my seat belt saying a silent thank you when the heat started filling the car.

The drive back to my place was calm and quiet; Gail held my hand the entire way, slowing massaging circles along my skin, slowly driving me crazy. "Wanna head up?" I asked, we had been parked for a moment, but Gail made no motion to get out of the jeep. It almost appeared that she hadn't noticed that we had stopped. "Yeah" she shook her head and smiled at me before letting go of my hand.

I wanted to ask her what had happened at work, I figured her mood was work related. She usually acted this way when her day had been overly eventful. I followed her into my building and we stood silently waiting for the elevator. "Everything ok at work today?" I asked readjusting the strap of my bag. Before she answered the elevator doors slid open and shuffled in, her fingertips ghosting over the back of my hand. "Yeah." She sighed, turning to pull me into a hug; it surprised me at first, but I quickly relaxed into her embrace. "I've missed the way you smell," she breathed against my neck and I felt my breath catch, her voice low and husky. "I don't like not seeing you." She muttered pressing her nose into my neck, her arms wrapping tighter around me.

I felt a strong urge to push her against the wall, kiss her, and drive my thigh between her legs. I had no idea one person could cause me to be in such an unfit mental state nearly all the time. "Are you ok?" Gail asked, kissing my neck, I bit into my lip suppressing the moan. "Yeah" I croaked, god I needed space, I didn't want to push her away though. "Hol?" Gail breathed and I pulled back from her enough to see her face. "I'm sorry" she smiled before backing away, as if she could read my mind, I'm sure my eyes gave me away, I wanted her. "Why?" I asked, trying to act as if my body wasn't on fire, that I hadn't just imagined ravaging her in the elevator. Her mouth opened to answer when the elevator doors slid open. "Let's order dinner." she took my hand gingerly and led me to my apartment door, I fumbled with the keys a few times before successfully granting us access.

* * *

Gail sat on the floor in front of my couch eating directly from a takeout container, her hair stood on end and her socks didn't match. God I was falling for her, she couldn't possibly me more adorable. "Fuck." she pouted placing her chopsticks between her teeth. "Empty." she tossed the container back on the table, I couldn't help but to smile at her. "Gail, there are 10 other food containers in front of you, we can't possibly eat all of it tonight." I shook my head and spooned rice onto my plate trying to pretend that I hadn't spent the last 10 minutes just watching her forgetting my own food. "It's the only one with honey chicken in it Holly." She glanced back at me takinga long pull from her beer, I watched the pale column of her neck slid up and down and she swallowed.

"Want mine?" I asked, glancing down at my plate, I had almost half of the container of honey chicken on my plate, i didn't care too much for it and we had plenty else to choose from. Gail didn't say anything she just finished her beer and walked into the kitchen. "Gail if you want it, you can have it." I laughed when she sat back on the floor with a beer still looking disappointed with her food options. She surveyed the containers on the table for a third time. "I can't take my girlfriends food, apparently its rude." she picked up a container of noodles and I choked on my beer.

"Are you ok?" she asked, looking back at me with a raised eyebrow. "Uh" I coughed and took a few slow sips from my beer, needing to calm the scratch in my throat. "Sorry, I didn't" Gail stared down her face contorting to an expression I had never seen. "Sorry Hol, that just" she started as I moved from my perch on the couch to sit behind to her, I needed to see her face. "I don't know what we are, I like you, and I think you like me. Everyone at work calls you my girlfriend and I kind of" she stuttered, stopping mid-sentence. I lunged at her quickly capturing her lips between mine as we both fell onto the rug, I couldn't wait to let her finish, I needed to kiss her. "I do like you." I breathed kissing her again, feeling my tongue slip past her lips and sliding along hers, I didn't even attempt to suppress my moan, she felt amazing. "I wasn't expecting it." I nuzzled my nose against her cheek taking slow breaths. "It doesn't bother you?" Gail asked, avoiding my eyes, I had hoped kissing her would answer her question.

"I like the way girlfriend sounds, almost as much as when you call me babe." I laughed pulling back to study her face. "I have a rule" Gail laughed watching me, her eyes searching mine. "What's that?" I asked, shifting my weight to lay next to her rather than on top of her. "You're not allowed to forget your phone. Not talking to you and not seeing you, It's unbearable." She ran her thumb along my cheek, her fingertips slipping into my hair. "Deal." I breathed before leaning down to her, I felt my breath hitch which caused her to smile.

"I need you Hol" she barely whispered before kissing me, my self-control disappeared in an instant as I settled myself on top of her. Instinct took over, I needed to hear her moan, to feel her beneath me, I brought my thigh between her legs and gently pressed towards her feeling her moan into my mouth. "Scratch that." I breathed kissing along her jaw, scraping my teeth gently just below her ear. "That sound, that sound is my favorite." I muttered into her ear as I pushed up again, feeling her warmth against my leg, she moaned again and I became lost in feeling her.

* * *


	3. Waiting

**Gail**

I woke up alone wrapped in Holly's sheets, after a rather heated make-out session on the floor by her couch last night. Remembering that I had called Holly my girlfriend made me smile. We had been on the cusp of taking that next step, roaming hands, pressing into each other, Holly's moan echoed in my mind. It would had gone all the way if Holly hadn't been called out to a crime scene, leaving me alone. She told me to stay , that after 5 beers there was no way for me to get home, she needed to rush to the scene and Dov had my car visiting Chloe in the hospital. Here I am, wrapped in her sheets wearing her worn and faded McMaster Track t-shirt.

 _"I'll kill whoever that is." I grunted as Holly rolled away from me to answer her phone that had been ringing insistently for the past few minutes. "Dr. Stewart." Holly barked into the phone_ swatting _my hand away as I undid the buttons on her shirt. I missed the weight of her between my thighs, her mouth on my skin. "I'm not on call." she practically growled causing me to move back to my sitting position. I knew this wouldn't end in our favor, not if she when she mentioned being on call, I knew they were calling her for the night. "Fine." Holly gave in, sounding defeated. "Everything ok?" I asked once she had ended her call by throwing the phone at the couch. "_ no. _" she pouted, and reached for her boots that had been discarded by end table when they came inside._

_"I'm sorry, they need me to go into work." Holly pulled on her boots quickly only lacing them half way, her fingers fumbled as she tied the laces. "I'm not even on fucking call." she stood up quickly making her way to her bedroom. I followed suite and shoved my feet into my boots, our night coming to an abrupt end. "I'll walk out with you." I smiled, trying to not look completely disappointed in the fact that my body was on fire and she wouldn't be there to fuel the flame, or at least tend to it because for all I cared this fire was her fault. "No, you will stay here." Holly smiled at me, her warm eyes searching my face, she had brushed her hair taming the mess I had left it in._

_"_ Hol _" I rolled my eyes, pulling her to me by the front of her shirt, semi controlling my urge to undo the buttons again. "_ you _'ve had at least 5 beers Gail, you don't have your car, and I'm not letting you walk home." she whispered against my lips. "_ stop" _I pulled back and bit my lip preventing her from kissing me. "_ if _you don't stop I'll drag you to your room and you will never make it to work." I breathed kicking my boots off at the door. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Stay please." Holly smiled before walking out the door a wicked grin on her lips._

So here I am, waiting, its nearly 3 in the morning and I've been waiting for her to finish her work and be home already to pick up where we had left off. Hours ago I had called her my girlfriend, if felt right, I couldn't be falling in love with her, falling would be scary considering my fear of high places. I was slowly sinking into the warmth that was love with Holly. This realization hit me yesterday, day 3 of not being able to see her. It should have scared me, I should also have seen it coming. Holly had managed to slip behind my walls seemingly unnoticed, I had welcomed it, she is the only person who knew how to deal with my attitude. Sleep overtook me, dreaming of Holly and how defenseless to how her and that stupid lopsided adorable smile made me feel warm and fuzzy.

* * *

I woke up to the feel of Holly's warm weight pressed against my side, letting the smell of vanilla and cinnamon wash over me exciting a smile on my lips. "Holly" I mumbled, pulling her closer to me. Her head rested on my shoulder, her dark hair pulled into a messing knot on top of her head. I didn't know when she came back, it saddened me that she hadn't woken me to pick up where we had left off. Her hand rested on my bare thigh, it felt like a burning coal lifting me completely out of my early morning fog. The angry red numbers on her alarm clock let me know that I needed to be at work in an hour, that realization soured my mood, I couldn't indulge the scenarios from my dreams. I kissed the top of her head softly while untangling my limbs from hers, doing my best not to wake her sleeping form, I knew waking her up would cause me to be late for work.

Two months ago I would have punched anyone who said I had feelings for Holly, or if anyone had told me she would just understand me. I would have done so if you tried to tell me that two weeks ago. Chris and Dov had been suspicious of my newfound friendship since Frank and Noelle's wedding, asking questions, wanting to meet Holly under non-work related circumstances. They wanted to know what had caused sudden happiness and why I had gone out of my way to try new things.

This last week had been no different; Tracie, Dov, and Chris had all asked me a million questions about my girlfriend. They all figured our status had changed when she showed up at the hospital, I had filled Tracie in on the kiss in the interrogation room when she cornered me the day after the shooting.

Everyone had demanded that I bring her to the penny for drinks one day after work, they promised to play nice and she would feel welcomed. The truth is, I wasn't ready to share her just yet. We were in a perfect bubble and I didn't want them to ruin my chances by telling her stories of the ice queen. Holly had never seen me with them, She didn't know the extent of my snark or the fact that I never felt welcomed into our group, more or less I felt tolerated.

* * *

"Gail, your phone just went off." Tracie held up my phone and I read the screen. "Is My Dork, Holly?" Tracie asked and I snatched my phone from her. "what's it to you?" I asked, walking past her to my desk where I had a mountain of paperwork to fill out from today's shift. "Come on Gail, we just want to meet her. We won't interrogate her." Tracie rolled her eyes at me, we had been having this conversation all day. "You have met her track" I rolled my eyes, why were they insist on meeting Holly, why did they want to invade my happy bubble.

**My dork: I had this weird dream last night, we were eating dinner and you called me your girlfriend.**

**Officer awesome: sounds like a nightmare to me**  : )

**My dork: I enjoyed it.**

**My dork: So, I would like to start this off right, I guess we already started this off wrong**

**My dork: if there is a wrong way to start this off…**

"Gail!?" Tracie forced me to look up from my phone, I glared at her. "Wow. You're falling for her aren't you?" Tracie asked and I put my phone back on my desk, I didn't want to deal with her right now. "Why would you say that?" I tried to play it off by rolling my eyes, how did she know I was falling for Holly. If Tracie could figure it out, than Holly would figure it out the minute she saw me, and I couldn't let that card show just yet. Our relationship had just been defined, I'm sure that queuing Holly in on my feelings would cause her to freak out.

"I came to that conclusion by looking at the stupid grin on your face right now." Tracie shook her head pointing at my lips before walking away. "Bring her to the penny!" Tracie shot over her shoulder before disappearing into the locker room. My shift would end in 2 hours, it seemed like torture being on desk duty and having last night on perpetual repeat in my head. I'm not complaining entirely I had time to think about Holly, and her lips, and her hands. I felt my heart rate pick up, there would be no words when I saw her tonight, I wanted to push her up against the wall, the door, the counter, any object in proximity and keep her there until both of us were too exhausted to move.

**Officer awesome: it's cute that you ramble in text too.**

**My dork: Go out with me tomorrow, on a proper date?**

**Officer awesome: Yes**

**Officer awesome: Want to get a drink after work?**

**My dork: I have plans with my sister tonight, but tomorrow I promise ;)**

**Officer awesome: see you then**

My pleasant mood seemed to instantly disappear; I would have to wait to see her, to touch her. I already knew I was hopeless when it came to Holly. I had to wait for my fix, I couldn't help the pang of jealousy I felt knowing someone else would occupy her time tonight, she had turned me into an addict.

* * *


	4. Impatient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Contains Smut

**Holly**

"Are you sure Hol, she's straight or that's the verdict from the last time we spoke, are you really going to date her?" Rox eyed me from the other side of my desk, she had begun to fiddle with her empty coffee cup. "I'm positive I want to try, see where this all leads." I held my trashcan out to her, I hated when she fiddled. Rox showed up at my office this morning after I had dodged her 4th call this week, after some coaxing I had finally filled her in on the past week's events, that fact that I had a date with Gail tonight. I sensed her nervousness, she didn't want to deal with heartbroken Holly, it's a lesbian stereotype after all, falling in love with your straight best friend. "I can't remember the last time I saw you smile this much Holly." Rox threw her cup in the trash and shook her head at me before smiling.

Rox and I had been friends since my first year of MED school, we had gone through our residency together and she has been there threw break-ups, meltdowns, my highs, and all of my lows. Rox pushed me in the right direction when I needed it and held my hand when I went down a path I wasn't sure of. "It's not going to be easy Rox I'm aware of that. Gail is, complicated to say the least. I'm willing to take this risk." I shrugged finishing my own coffee. "if she hurts you, I'll kill her, or put her into a coma." Rox flashed a toothy grin before standing up. "Call me later." she quickly exited my office.

My mind went back to my bubbling excitement, I had a date with Gail tonight, our first date, 7 seemed to be arriving too fast and painfully slow at the same time, causing a minor panic attack to reveal itself. My outfit which consisted of tight jeans, heeled boots, a form-fitting sweater had been laid out this morning before I left for work. I made reservations yesterday after she had agreed to the date, I'm supposed to pick her up from her frat-house apartment she shared with Chris and Dov. The last week had been a whirlwind of emotion and crazy work hours. I missed her when she wasn't near me, the thought made me crazy, we had only been seeing each other for a week, I knew I was in deep with Gail.

* * *

**Officer Awesome: Please don't hate me :/**

**My Dork: why would I hate you?**

**Officer Awesome: ugh…**

The knot in my stomach I had been trying to detangle all day came back in full force; I knew what the next text would read. Gail and I had been out to dinner before, we had spent hours on the floor in my flat eating, and we had met for lunch, and gone for coffee. All of these were normal for our friendship, today I had been a ball of nerves. It is our first date, she is my girlfriend, and we were dating. Ok we were not dating yet because tonight would be our real first date. My phone dinged and I didn't want to check it, dreading the news Gail delivered unceremoniously through text message.

**Officer Awesome: I need a rain check on tonight, I'm tied up with work at the moment…**

I knew dating a police officer wouldn't be easy, I knew that the fact that Gail and I both worked for the police department would cause issues. I did not think it would start this soon, I had just finished dressing when Gail's first text came through.

**My Dork: Yeah, no worries, we can reschedule.**

I typed out my response and hit send before kicking out of my boots and changing into a pair of running shorts and a hoodie that smelled perfectly like Gail. I had taken off my makeup and settled onto the couch watching a movie when my phone rang. Sad that I wasn't getting my date with Gail, but I knew that work came first right now, too much had happened in the last week for our schedules to match up.

"Dr. Stewart" I breathed into the phone doing my best to sound like myself, I knew my voice would give away my current mood. "I'm sorry" Gail sounded small on the other side of the phone, her voice just above a whisper. "Gail its fine, I know work takes priority at times." My doorbell rang, I eyed it door suspiciously I hadn't been expecting anyone. "Hang on a second, someone's at my door." I padded across the flat and opened the door shocked to find Gail on the other side. "I have an hour, maybe." Gail grinned, standing in full uniform in my hallway. "I'm sorry, I had to cover a shift and Chris is in the car outside, if we are called I can run down. Technically we are on a dinner break." Gail held up a bag with takeout containers, I moved to the side, letting her into my flat.

"Gail." I smiled as she, quickly discarding the bag of food on my table. "I'm glad you're here." I pulled her to me brushing my lips over hers lightly, testing the waters, Gail leaned farther into me as her lips parted allowing me to deepen the kiss. Gail's heavy uniform jacket prevented me from feeling her shape, I did not care how hot her uniform made her, the jacket pissed me off. "Hol, I can't." Gail sucked on her bottom lip as I slid her jacket off her shoulders onto the floor, pulling at her collar as my lips met hers again. "why not?" I breathed, still dissatisfied with the fact that I couldn't find the skin of her back or arms. The only exposed skin I could find were her hands and lips. "mhmm" she hummed and backed away from me blinking at me. "if I have to leave I'm going to die babe, I can only be so worked up and god you're sexy." Gail's eyes raked over me and I felt extremely self-conscious of wearing my pajamas and no makeup. "Have you eaten?" Gail picked her jacket up off the floor and hung it on the hook by the door.

"No, I was going to have a salad later." I couldn't hide the smile that had appeared just from her being here, I wanted her all to myself for the night but I would make due with the time we had. "eww, you're lucky I'm here, I brought Thai food." Gail grinned, grabbing the bag and walking into the kitchen. I wanted to kiss her, to take her to my room and strip her out of her uniform. My thoughts were broken when her radio crackled to life, my heart sank thinking she would have to leave after only just walking in. "It's not for us." Gail handed me a plate with food before settling on the couch with her own plate, it took me a moment to follow her, sitting close to her side.

"I'm sorry I canceled." Gail raked her fingers through her hair, causing it to stand up; her eyes and that haircut did things to me that I could not explain. That, combined with her uniform, I found it extremely difficult to control my urges. "Gail, its fine. Things will come up, we will learn to work around them." I smiled just glad to have her here now in any capacity.

We ate in a comfortable silence content with our closeness, I loved that we didn't need to fill the silence. Once we had finished eating, I leaned into her for a moment and sighed in annoyance before moving back to my side of the couch. "hmm?" Gail's eyes were concerned, following my sudden movement. "To much stuff on your belt." I glanced down at the gun protruding from her hip. "Sorry." Gail watched me apologetically before checking her phone. "I should get back out to Chris." Gail pouted before standing up and semi-fixing her hair.

"Are you on shift tomorrow?" I asked following her to the door, not ready to let her leave just yet. "I don't know." She looked down, towing at the rug next to the door. "Dov and Andy are still at the hospital, we're still short staffed." Gail met my eyes; they were a Chrystal clear blue. "Call me when you wake up tomorrow." I smiled, helping her into her jacket; I knew she couldn't give me a 100% answer. "Stay safe." I fixed her collar, also using it to pull her to me. "I will." she smiled before her lips met mine, for a quick and soft kiss that I wanted to deepen, but I knew she had to go.

* * *

The clock read just after six when my phone rang for the first time, I didn't even check the name on the screen, I just buried the phone under my pillow. It kept ringing presently for 10 minutes. At 6:15 an incessant knock on the door drug me out of bed, ok it wasn't a knock as much as a violent banging. "Hang on!" I yelled as I made my way down the stairs. Rubbing my eyes, I could feel how my hair had fallen from the rubber band in my sleep. I perfect dream had been interrupted by the stupid phone and whoever happened to be on the other side of my door, my mood had peaked to pissed off. "yeah?" I ripped the door open and Gail stormed in pulling me with her.

I didn't have time to say hello or be surprised by her presence before her lips crashed into mine, she quickly spun me around and pinned me to the door. "you need to stop looking so fucking hot." Gail started kissing along my jaw, one hand gripping my hip the other roaming the door behind me. "mhhm" I pulled her closer to me by her front pockets, I heard the soft click of the deadbolt sliding into place. I did't care about locking the door, I just wanted to kiss her again, her lips were back on mine, the skin at the small of her back that my hands instinctively sought out was warm and soft.

"Is this going to happen every time you see me in my pajamas?" I nipped along her jaw, keeping her as close as possible hoping I hadn't been dreaming. "Maybe." Gail grinned before capturing my lower lip between hers. Unlike our other kisses, this kiss lacked the control and softness we had previously shared. This kiss created a new level of hungry, every movement driven by primal instinct.

"How did the rest of your shift go?" I asked gulping as she nipped just below my ear, trying desperately not to moan. "No words, no more talking." Gail grabbed my hand and dragged me upstairs to my room. I obediently didn't say anything else I just watched her once we reached my bedroom. Her eyes turning cobalt blue once they locked with mine, my mouth went dry as I pulled her to me. Slowly leaning in Kissing her, feeling her tongue almost instantly seeking entrance. I parted my lips and moaned as her tongue brushed my lower lip before meeting mine. I didn't have time to savor the feeling her before she reached down and drug my tank top over my head forcing us apart. The coolness of the air caused goose bumps to form instantly, Gail smiled quickly at me before reaching out to grab my hips. "So fucking sexy." Gail mumbled, pulling me against her, her hot hands on my bare back did things to my knees, making me weak.

"mmhhm." Gail kissed along my neck, pulling me back towards the bed as her hands explored my exposed back. "Warning" she breathed, watching me pull at the hymn of her shirt. "hmm?" I regarded up at her confused, dazed, and high on her kiss. All I wanted right now, no, I needed her fucking shirt to be on the floor next to mine. "I'm not sure what I'm doing." She looked at my hands and I felt guilty all of a sudden. I may have pushed her a little too far, wait, she start this, my shirt came off first.

"Baby, we don't have to." I searched her eyes, looking for a sign that she might not be ready, I was so turned on that I may pass out if I don't find a release soon, but I knew that I didn't want to force her to do anything. "Take it off." Gail demanded, lifting her hands, I didn't hesitate I pulled her shirt over her head, revealing perfect porcelain skin and hard pink nipples. "I'm not stopping, I'm just saying I'm not skilled." Gail breathed kissing me again, she pulled me flush against her and I melted at the feel of her skin, pushing her back onto the bed.

Feeling her skin on my skin brought on a new high, Her skin is soft and smooth, a distinct contrast to her rough and sharp personality. I pushed up and pressed my thigh between her legs and she arched into me. "God" she moaned, her eyes locking with mine before fluttering closed. I leaned down and kissed along her jaw nipping softly at her skin. "Are you sure?" I breathed sucking her earlobe into my mouth gently scraping my teeth against the soft skin, my hands roughly gripped her hips. "God yes." she moaned providing me with the remaining fuel to go from a smoldering pile of coals to a raging fire. I pushed firmly into the junction between her legs, exciting a moan so distracting I almost forgot the purpose of my movement. "Baby, you have no idea how much I love that sound." I breathed capturing her lips between mine, keeping my rocking slow ,I didn't want to push her over the edge just yet.

I pulled back to undo the button on her jeans, watching her chest rise and fall, her nipples calling my name, I knew I needed her to be naked before I started. I knew that, I would be pissed off if I had jeans covering my prize as I worked my way down her body. "Hurry up." Gail protested lifting her hips off the bed to help me remove the offending clothing. "Did you plan this?" I asked sucking in a breath, realizing she had nothing on under her jeans, her pink lips looked delicious. "I've been planning this for three days." Gail reached up and pulled me back down to her by the back of my neck. She quickly used her hips to gain the upper hand rolling us over and settled on top of me. "I've been planning this since the fucking case you left for the other night." she smiled and pulled off my shorts leaving me naked under her.

"Hol, you're perfect." Gail leaned forward, and sucked gently on my nipple, slowly running her tongue over its peak. "Fuck." I moaned feeling her smile against my skin as we both fought for control. In past relationships I had been the instigator hardly falling into a submissive roll, and I definitely didn't plan on being submissive the first time Gail and I had sex. I wanted her to cum; to taste her, the feeling of her lips on my skin, that feeling drove me crazy and I lost my ability to move. "You know what you're doing," I rasped feeling her hand on my lower stomach, drawing maddening circles just below my belly button. "mhmm." I whimpered in anticipation of where those circles would lead. At this rate, I wouldn't last more than a few seconds, Gail only added fuel to the flames that heated my body to concerning levels. If I hadn't known the statistics, I would have assumed that spontaneous human combustion were possible by how hot I was becoming.

I blacked out when her tongue trailed lower and she took my clit between her lips. I lost my ability to speak, to make coherent thoughts; my brain could only focus on the immense pleasure of her actions between my legs. Every noise that left my throat grew to be more animalistic than words; I couldn't believe this was happening. As much as I wanted to savor the feeling, to prolong my release, I came hard within a few minutes suddenly regaining the cognitive ability to scream out her name.

She watched me as I came down from my high, her hands and chin resting on my pelvic bone. "You taste good." Gail breathed kissing my inner thigh causing me to shudder, every never ending in my body still too sensitive from her early manipulation. I whimpered softly as she kissed her way back up my body.

"Did I do ok?" Gail asked burrowing her head at the base of my neck, her weight pressed against my side. "Baby." I panted, trying to catch my breath, my heart racing and thudding loud enough I'm sure Gail could hear it without being pressed against me. "I don't know if you can tell," I turned to her before kissing her forehead. "But you just made me cum so fucking hard." I laughed lightly running my nails up her spine finally feeling my body start to calm down. "That was sexy." she smiled tracing a bead of sweat down my side, I bucked into her, her fingers tickled my skin. I watched the goose bumps form on her skin and my previous need to drive her crazy came back in full force.

I gently pushed her onto her back and hovered over her, searching her eyes for any sign that she wanted me to stop. "Gunna show me how it's done now?" Gail asked with a smirk, her fingers pressing into the small of my back. I rolled her nipple between my thumb and form finger, needing to know how she reacted to the stimulation, pleasantly surprised when she hissed and bit her lip. "Maybe." I breathed kissing her long and deep, massaging her nipples slowly with my fingers.

"mhhm" Gail moaned into my mouth before I pulled away . I kissed my away to her left nipple taking it between my lips, Gail's back arched as my teeth grazed the skin. I ran my tongue along her breast wanting to memorize the taste of Gail, lavishing every inch I could reach. I trailed open mouth kisses down her body, running my tongue along the contours of her flexing muscles. I made it to her hip when I noticed a four in scar along her hip; I could easily make out the placement of the stitches by the discoloration of the skin. Knowing that Gail had been hurt, pissed me off and I almost asked her what had caused the scar, and then the smell of Gail's arousal washed over me and the scar had been all but forgotten. Gail smelled sweet and god I needed to taste her.

I looked up only to find Gail's eyes dark with lust watching me as she massaged her breasts roughly. "You smell amazing." I breathed kissing her waiting lips, not letting my tongue delve further. "mhhm" Gail moaned, arching into me seeking out contact. "You taste even better." I mumbled to myself and ran my tongue along the full length of her slit. "Fuck!" Gail moaned gripping her breasts harder as her hips hovered above the mattress.

I took her clit between my lips and sucked gently feeling her fingers lace in my hair, she tried desperately to pull me closer to her. "God Holly." she moaned, rocking towards my tongue as I ran the length of my tongue against her sensitive bundle of nerves. "Right there." she groaned causing me to smile against her. I knew she needed this, we had been on the edge of painful teasing for days now, and fate had kept us apart. Right now, I had found heaven in the taste of her and the sound of her moaning. "Holly." she whimpered arching higher, she was close and I knew exactly what she needed to reach that tipping point. I slowly slid two fingers into her slick core, feeling her contract around them instantly. "Fuck!" she rasped louder than before as I slowly worked in and out of her.

"HOLLY! FUCK!" she screamed her hips bucking wildly on the bed as I sucked her clit into my mouth, causing her to come around my fingers, her hips finally falling back on the mattress. Gail shook as I slowly pulled out of her and made my way up her body and laid next to her. Gail's breasts were red from her own abuse, I could see the hickey I had knowingly left at the base of her throat, we were both sweaty and panting and on cloud 9. "You just ruined my life." Gail laughed, kissing my collarbone. "How is that?" I asked, running my fingers along the scare I had seen before, my curiosity again peaked. "No one has ever made me cum like that babe." she breathed kissing my neck tucking herself against me tangling her legs with mine. "mhhm" I hummed and drifted to sleep, completely exhausted and content to have Gail in my arms.

* * *


	5. Running

**Gail**

With all of my past relationships, I had never taken the lead, With Chris I had tried to be the nice girl he deserved, but that ended horribly. With Nick, I couldn't hold back the bite, I didn't want to be heartbroken again. In both relationships, I never let my walls down, I tried my best to keep them at arm's length, with Holly, everything had been different.

For instance, kissing her in the interrogation room, calling her my girlfriend, and of course showing up to her flat at six in the morning and attacking her in a fire feed need to feel her. Holly had that effect on me, the words "I was like that too, before I realized I didn't like men" has been ringing in my ear for weeks now. Being with Holly was completely unlike being with Nick or Chris. Holly brought out a completely new side of me; the side, I let feel more with her, I went outside of my comfort zone, I let Holly closer than anyone, and I needed to prove to her that I wanted her.

These thoughts filled my mind every time I tried to go to sleep, normally they would lull me to sleep but tonight my brain wouldn't shut down. My inability to sleep could partly be blamed on the fact that I had 3 cups of coffee before leaving the station, mostly though, the fact that Holly talks in her sleep kept me up most nights. She rambles in her sleep, I nearly asked Tracie to pull a couple of Holly's reports for me to go over, just to see if her ramblings happened there as well. These were not the soft murmurs of someone sleeping peacefully, Holly spoke in full voice, making it hard to drown she out once started.

"Autopsy findings" Holly began and I cringed, I wondered if other pathologists or doctors did this in their sleep. "Really Hol." I had tried many times to quiet her down, to stop the talking, nothing seemed to work. Not only did she ramble and talk, she spoke nerd in her sleep too, I'm sure there's very little else she could surprise me with. "Anoxic-ischemic encephalopathy. Dehydration, Toxicology: heart blood: acetaminophen 8.8 mg/l. Urine acetaminophen detected. Cardiovascular: Heart weight 255 grams, focal pericardial adhesions, Cardiac ion channel mutation screening is negative." Holly breathed hot against my neck as she narrated the same autopsy for the third night in a row.

"Cause of death?" I questioned, knowing the answer, also knowing that it wouldn't wake her up. "Complications of Anoxic Encephalopathy." Holly answered shifting closer to me her fingertips pressing into my hip. "of course it is" I sighed, trying to find a way to fall asleep, trying to tune out Holly's continuous commentary as she redid the autopsy in her dreams. "Lungs." Holly continued hugging me tighter; I shifted my weight to get comfortable allowing her to settle almost completely ontop of me. "Tongue no significant histologic abnormalities" Holly approached the part of the autopsy that made me laugh every night. "Bone Thoracic vertebra, sever osteoporosis." Here it comes I thought to myself. "breasts not remarkable." I let out a small giggle and Holly fidgeted as she hugged me tighter to her, this always concluded her dream or the spoken part anyways. I found sleep shortly after growing accustomed to sleeping with Holly's weight on top of me. I had never been a Cuddly person, but I found myself searching for Holly next to me in my sleep, needing to feel her pressed close.

* * *

"You ok Gail?" Tracie walked into the locker room the next day after shift. I knew my hair was a mess, my eyes were red, and I couldn't stifle the third yawn to overcome me in the last 5 minutes. "I didn't sleep well last night." I shrugged as she cringed at me shaking her head. "I don't need to hear about your sex life." she laughed, sitting on the bench behind me. "God I wish that was the reason Trac, Holly talks in her sleep and by talking I mean, does autopsies and I have a hard time tuning her out, it's so weird." I leaned back into my locker trying to stretch my tired back, every part of me object to nearly all movement, my muscles were sore from my lack of sleep. "She does autopsy's in her sleep?" Tracie asked making a disgusted face. "I KNOW!" I laughed, leaning down to touch the floor, feeling all my muscles pull.

"I just don't know how to make her stop talking, she just goes on and on and I'm fucking starting to dream about it too." I pulled my phone and my bag out of my locker before following Tracie out of the locker room into the pit. "Have you talked to her?" Tracie asked leading the way towards the back parking lot of the station. "No" I fished my keys out of my bag standing next to my Nissan. "Maybe you should try that?" Tracie shrugged, standing next to her car. "you make it sound so easy." I laughed tossing my bag into the back seat.

I felt exhausted and had been contemplating calling Holly to say I would be staying at my place for the night, I needed a decent night's rest. I really wanted to see Holly though, which made me realize how quickly I had turned into that girlfriend, the clingy and dependent person I had never been before. Making up my mind to go to Holly's I made the quick drive to her building, she lived 5 minutes from the station.

I knocked on the door softly before leaning against the wall waiting for her to answer; my energy stock had nearly depleted itself on the drive over. "Hi." she smiled sweetly when she opened the door, her hair hung down around her shoulders and her tank top left little to my imagination. "You ok?" her eyes grew suspicious as they came to rest on my face, I knew I looked tired, everyone at work had told me so today. "Yeah, just sleepy." I smiled, pulling her into a hug, letting her take most of my weight as I leaned into her.

"Long shift?" Holly asked as she led me into her flat. I have spent most nights here since we started seeing each other, only staying at the frat house when I worked night shifts. "Yeah." I made my way to her couch, which for the time being would be my saving grace. "Dinner will be here soon." Holly sat next to me kicking her feet up over my lap as I got comfortable. This was our normal thing, I showed up, and we sat on the couch and talked, waiting for food, both of us too tired to cook most nights. Steve had called it extremely domestic of us, which is true, I didn't have to call before I came over, I normally did text her though, and she never seemed annoyed when I showed up.

* * *

"Gail" I felt Holly's hand in my hair as I slowly opened my eyes. The stupid cute lopsided smirk on her lips was too adorable for just waking up. "Foods here." she leaned forward and kissed my forehead before putting a plate on my lap. "You can't have pizza." I eyed it, mostly checking for tomatoes out of habit. "why not?" Holly asked, sitting cross legged on the other side of the couch. "You're lactose intolerant." I shrugged, taking a bite of my food groaning at how the amazing taste. "How did you know that?" Holly asked, setting her plate down, that's when I noticed her slice of pizza didn't have cheese on it. Which is also when I remembered she hadn't been awake when she delivered that bit of news. "You talk in your sleep." I muttered, not meeting her eyes, trying to figure out how to stop myself from talking too much.

"Gail is that why you're so tired?" her eyes shot to mine, wide brown eyes accompanied with a slight blush. "I'm talking in my sleep?" she looked embarrassed, I knew I wasn't supposed to know any of this. "I just don't want to wake you; you're so cute when you sleep." I shrugged, trying to play it off, I would learn to sleep through it eventually I'm sure. "Gail!" Holly sighed, looking down, a move I guessed signaled the end of the conversation.

"You do autopsy's in your sleep. You know, that's kinda weird," I laughed, unable to hold it back, Holly fell back on the couch. "Why are you just now telling me this!?" Holly asked covering her face with a pillow. "It's cute." I set my food down and crawled over her. "I like listening to you ramble." I shrugged straddling her legs. "Oh god" she huffed into the pillow before I pulled it away from her face; I kissed her for a moment, losing myself to the feel of her lips. "I just need to wear you out every night before bed." I grinned ghosting my lips over hers running my hands up her sides.

"Maybe that will stop your talking" I grinned pressing myself against her. "Gail." Holly rasped and I smiled. "Just a theory" I laughed sitting back up. "We may need to test it for a while." Holly smirked and I started eating again. A comfortable silence fell over us, comfortable silence is also new to me, being with someone and not feeling awkward for not needing to fill in the spaces. They were never empty, we stole glances at each other and that said nearly everything I needed to know.

"How was your day?" I asked, once our food had been finished and the dished had been put into the washer. "Still trying to figure out the case for Tracie." Holly shrugged cuddling into my side. "The unremarkable breast one?" I asked, laughing to myself, knowing I would get myself in trouble. "What?" Holly looked confused, but it only caused my smile to grow. "I've heard the results from that autopsy 4 times, you always stop talking at the breasts: not remarkable." I laughed, standing up and walking towards the kitchen in search of beer. "I hate you" Holly called over the back of the couch. "No you don't" I called back from the fridge, this would be fun now, she talked a lot in her sleep, I knew so much about her, presumably information she didn't want me to know just yet.

* * *

Unfortunately my theory didn't work, we had sex on the couch, in the shower, and in bed, yet here Holly started again. "Autopsy results" Holly mumbled her hand finding its way under my nightshirt. "Hair: Blonde." Holly pulled me tighter to her. This autopsy was new. "172 CM in height, 53 kilos" Holly breathed, running her fingers along the scar on my side. "12 CM scar on left abdomen." I froze; Holly was doing an autopsy on me in her sleep. "Mhhm, baby what's wrong?" Holly mumbled kissing my neck. "You ok? You're tense?" Holly seemed to wake up, her hand pressing into my side. "I need to head into work." I breathed quickly reaching for my phone and climbed out of bed. "That sucks." Holly mumbled and hugged my pillow tighter. "be safe." She sighed settling back into her dream. I had to leave; the scar, the autopsy in her sleep, those things scared the crap out of me. God I wanted to pass out, this, this right here, was me running.

* * *


	6. Worrying

**Holly**

Gail and I have had a total of two fights in the 5 months we had been together, which is assuring considering Gail often referred to herself as a cat in a tree. We've had the  _we are having_ _fun_  fight from the penny the night she met my friends Lisa and Rachel. That fight ended with the angry  _your my girlfriend, we're not friends, this is more than "fun" makeup sex_. The second fight had been the _You did an autopsy on me in your_ _sleep_ Fight. Which had been amusing, ordinarily I couldn't control my curiosity, and when I had a bone I ran with it. That fight had ended with the  _when I'm ready I'll tell you ok?_  makeup sex.

By the way Gail glared at me, I knew my gaze had started fight number three. "really?" Gail eyed me, still holding her shirt in her hands. We had just arrived back to her place from an early dinner before she started the night shift. "Why won't you just tell me?" I asked, glancing at the scar on her hip. This would be the  _it's been months, let me in_  fight. The scar both intrigued me as well as terrified me, I knew the dangers of being a cop, I saw what people were capable of every day. "Holly, drop it ok, I'm not in the mood, If I wanted to tell you, you would know!" Gail pulled her shirt on quickly turning away from me, she had just toped the angry version of Gail I had been confronted with before. The cut had been deep, by the color I could tell it hadn't been there 2 years ago, and obviously fixed with multiple stitches. She squirmed every time I kissed it, tensed when I touched it, and brushed me off when I question it.

"it's no longer a baby?" I asked, rolling my eyes at her back as she stuffed a change of clothes into her work bag. In the last three months the only time she called me Holly or Dr. Stewart had been when other officers were around on a scene of in the lab. "yeah, right now its Holly." Gail barked kicking her bedroom door open and storming out. In the months we had been together, we had made an equal effort to spend time at the frat house and my place. Gail would be wasting money on her share of the rent otherwise, and neither of us were ready for the living together step in this relationship.

"Babe!" I called after her only to be met by the sound of her front door slamming. "Fuck." I muttered and quickly pulled my shoes on. This was not how I had planned this evening to ed, up until she caught me staring at the stupid scar it had been great. "Everything ok?" Chloe asked as her head popped into the room with the signature bounce in her step. Much to Gail's amusement, I could only deal with her in small doses before her voice became grating and her pep made me motion sick, that women never stood still. "yeah, just a disagreement." I played it off and left the apartment, being there was weird without my girlfriend. Sure, I had spent enough time with her friends to start calling them my own friends, on the other hand, we definitely hadn't reached the stage in those relationships to hang out without Gail around.

* * *

**Dr. Hot Stuff: I'm sorry :) (can you feel my puppy dog eyes)**

It had been 2 days since Gail had left me alone in her room, and 4 hours since my last text, which like the other 5 had gone unanswered, as did my e-mail, and 2 voicemails. We had officially breached the longest amount of time we had gone without as much as a text message. Even after she walked out of the penny she returned my first few texts before she asked me to leave her alone for a while.

My last resort would be to start sending "I'm sorry" flowers to work, to the frat house, and downright stalking her. My world wasn't right without her, I felt off balance and unable to catch my breath. I started imagining something bad had happened, she always replied, even if we were fighting. Dov, Chris, Andy, or Tracie would tell me right!? Maybe I should start texting them in a few hours if I hadn't heard from Gail.

I tried to focus on work, there were cases to be solved, criminals to be caught, and the public to be protected…But the pixie cut blonde plagued my thoughts. Why did I fixate on the stupid scar on her hip? Could it be that she refused to tell me, or that the doctor in me wanted to make a diagnosis.

My phone chirped and I nearly face planted during my frenzy to answer it, my heart hoped it Gail had finally made contact. That my constant thought of her had telepathically transferred my apology and she would let me right my wrongs, the radio silence was driving me insane.

**You can cuff me anytime: Just a heads up**

**You can cuff me anytime: Steve's on his way to find you**

The two messages accompanied by Gail's picture quickly brought a smile to my lips, she had finally responded. My smile disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, her messages made me panic, she was hurt, and Steve would be coming to drive me to the hospital. Every worst-case scenario started running through my head, shootings, stabbings, fights, possibly a car accident. Why did I push her to the point of walking out? My palms started sweating, I felt my pulse quicken, my mind began to race. Unlike when Gail and I started sexting, No, i feared that she had been hurt in the line of duty, I started feeling dizzy.

**Dr. Hot Stuff: Are you ok?**

Somehow, I had managed to type that out with only one question when I had a million to ask. I had to stop myself from calling Steve and demanding an update on Gail, was she ok, how bad is the damage, what hospital did they take her too. My phone vibrating in my hand brought me out of my internal panic attack.

 **You can cuff me anytime: Dandy, stuck in a van on surveillance with Trace** … **May just kill myself by blunt force trauma to the temple with my phone if she doesn't shut up soon.**

I laughed at that, typical Gail response. She had replied, a positive sign right, it showed that she wasn't angry. Maybe she didn't hate me? We weren't over? A million new questions came to mind as I read and reread her text message trying to find a hiding fuck off holly in it. I couldn't find it though, then again Gail had mastered the art of brushing people off.

**Dr. Hot Stuff: I like your new name in my phone :)**

Maybe that will lighten the mood a little, I hadn't noticed the name until after our dinner the other night, until I tried desperately to apologize. The new picture came as a bonus, Gail in my bathtub the bubbles barely covering her body. The picture brought back happy memories, I remember taking that picture of her after a particularly stressful day.

**You can cuff me anytime: I can't keep texting, Bye.**

And there's the brush off, feeling a little relieved that she responded, those responses did nothing to clear the dark cloud following me around. I needed to stop touching, kissing, and asking about the fucking scare that had caught and ignited my curiosity.

"Holly, can I talk with you for a moment?" Steve stood in the doorway to the lab, he appeared to be overly calm, the way he would enter the room before an interrogation. "Is everything ok?" I asked, trying to hide my panic. Gail had said was in a van with Tracie, that didn't ease my mind much, after all Van could after all be code for an ambulance.

"Just came by to chat." Steve shrugged sauntering around the room for a moment. In the few times I had been around Steve, it had become apparent that as siblings, Gail and Steve were eerily alike. While Steve was naturally open and Gail more closed off, there were almost the same person. Their instant could cause whiplash, and always having a private conversation of half words and sentences that no one could follow. "ok?" I eyed him setting my phone down, giving him my full attention. I sat on the stool in the middle of a room near an empty exam table, I didn't trust my feet to walk the 20 steps to my office.

"I've been told to deliver this." Steve set a file on the table between us, he rested his hand on top keeping it near him. "Holly, my sister has feeling for you that she isn't quite ready to say aloud just yet." Steve ran his fingers along the edges of the file, he wouldn't meet my gaze. "I'm also pretty sure you have the same feelings." he met my eyes causing me to blush, I did have a feeling, ,our current situation though made me feel less obliged to express them to Steve. "My sister" Steve started "Gail" he sighed, looking at the metal table between us.

"Gail's been through so much, our parents aren't the most loving people, not how people expect affection to be shown at least." Steve seemed torn between explaining their childhood to me, or leaving that for Gail to divulge at her own time, if she ever talked to me again. Gail rarely talked about her high-ranking parents, for good reason I assumed, the few times they had come up in conversation she had never said anything positive in their regard. "They showed their love and support through pushing us down a path of honor in our family, and that has been a shoving match with Gail." Steve picked at the edges of the folder and removed his hand.

"This file, this is Gail's file that she asked me to lift off of my mother." Steve eyed the folder suspiciously. I knew he was protective of Gail but I had never seen this side of him, the glare matching Gail's watt for watt. "It holds her past inside, and if you're not willing to stick with her." His hand covered the file again, I couldn't meet his eyes. "if you're not planning on this being more than "fun" you better tell me so I can take this back with me." He moved to ensure his eyes locked with mine.

Steve seemed conflicted, trying to decide whether to leave the file with me to read, or take it with him and tell Gail to deal with it on her own. "If you read this and use it against her, as a reason to leave her, so help me, I will make your life hell." Steve inched the file closer to me before pulling it back to him, as if playing some game. "Do you understand that?" Steve asked, his voice has the same sharp bite that Gail conjured when faced with stressful situations. "Steve?" I met his eyes fed up with being treated like a fling or the prime suspect. "I'm in love with Gail, I want to protect her from the world and to prove that I'm in this for the long haul." I could feel my eyes water up, tears threatening to flow over, everything regarding my current situation frustrated me.

"Holly, I like you, I like the person Gail grew into once she found you." Steve sighed, running his fingers over the confidential stamp ontop of the folder. "Just, please, don't break her." his voice cracked, I could tell he was holding back, Steve couldn't hide his emotions as well as Gail. "You have the power to wreck her, in case you weren't aware. You leaving her, that would ruin whatever heart she has left after what she has been through, I not so sure she would come back from that." Steve pushed the folder to me before gripping the edge of the exam table. "She's animated when she talks about you, she isn't pushing people away, she's been pulling us in, and we have you to thank for that." Steve's eyes were heavy with tears he tried to blink away. "Don't break her." He shook his head before walking out of my lab. I sat staring at the folder on the table, feeling as if Steve had placed a bomb in my lab, too terrified to move, to touch it, afraid that everything would implode around me.

* * *

I had been sitting on my couch for over an hour, eyeing the folder on my coffee table, the way a person would watch a suspicious dog that could strike. After Steve left I called my boss and told him I needed the rest of the day off for personal reasons, I quickly packed up my belongings, the folder, and went home. I knew I wouldn't be completing any work, aware that everything I wanted to know about Gail had been written on paper only a few meters away.

My subconscious had convinced me that opening the file would be comparable to opening Pandora 's Box, that by reading the text I would be unleashing chaos into the world, that I wouldn't to feel the same. I'm 100% positive Gail had my heart, I hadn't told her that just yet, I knew my heart was hers, it had been hers since she called me her girlfriend. "Come on holly, It can't be that bad." I shrugged picking up the file and pushing my glasses up my nose, here goes nothing sounded on repeat in my head.

Just as I thumbed the edge of the folder to flip it open, my phone chirped alerting me of a text message. A sense of relief fell over me knowing I had a distraction preventing me from opening the file. It didn't matter that Gail had asked Steve to bring the file to my office, that she wanted me to read it, I still felt like I was invading her privacy, reading her personal journal, violating her trust.

When I checked my phone I had 6 unread texts, I had been focused on the file sitting on my coffee table long enough, that my phone had gone unnoticed. I quickly typed in my password and opened my texts folder. I had two messages from Tracie, and a message each from Dov, Steve, Chris and Gail, I clicked on the first message from Dov just to clear the notification on my screen, and partly to give me time to prepare for the plethora of texts Gail could have sent.

**Officer Epstein: CAN YOU AND GAIL KISS AND MAKEUP NOW? SHE 'S DRIVING US CRAZY**

**DET. T. Nash: Gail's using "medical jurisprudence" in her everyday banter, just and FYI**

Tracie's text brought me back to the day I met Gail, the gorgeous blonde cop with striking blue eyes. I couldn't forget that image if I tried. Not that I wanted to, She didn't care that I needed to collect evidence, she just wanted me to stop rambling on her. Looking back, I'm amazed that we became friends so quickly.

**DET. T. Nash: What's up with you and Gail, did you break up?**

**Officer Diaz: I know Gail can be difficult at times. I hope you won't let this get in the way. You make her happy, don't give up.**

**Steve:**   **Don't read the file if you don't plan to do the right thing Holly.**

I couldn't put into words how frustrated I felt, her friends were giving me the talk, Steve treating me like a prime suspect hadn't been enough apparently. I wanted to reply to each message telling them that my relationship with Gail would not be a topic for discussion and to leave me alone. I quickly opened the last message I had from Gail, the reason I had picked up my phone to begin with.

**You can cuff me anytime: I know Steve gave you the file, once you've read all of my secrets, and you decide it's still worth it, give me a call.**

Gail's text made me sad; she thought words on a page would change the last few months with us. That her brother's threats and her friend's threats could rip us apart. It hurt to know that she was unsure of my feelings for her, that she hadn't figured out that I had fallen madly and irrevocably in love with her.

 **Dr. Hot Pants:** Please just **call me Gail, I need to talk to you, we can talk this out.**

**Dr. Hot Pants: Also, any camaraderie I had with your friends and your brother has gone down the drain, I'm sure they all hate me.**

I stared at my phone for another 10 minutes, Gail did not respond to my last text, I figured it would continue until I told her I had read the file. Which felt as if it had gained a million pounds now that it sat on my lap. I guess to learn about the people you love, you should trust the way they teach you. I moved from my living room to my bedroom convincing myself that my bed would be a better place to settle in and read the novel labeled in bold red letters:  _Gail Peck CONFIDENTIAL_

PG. 1.

Gail Peck

Officer of the 15th Division started 2010 2nd in class.

Mother: Superintendent Elaine Peck

Father: Inspector Bill Peck

Siblings: Steven Peck

Age: 28 (2014)

Rank: 2nd Class Constable

Salary: $81,560.00 Annually

Description: 170 CM, Blonde, Blue Eyes, Caucasian

Alias: N/A

ICE contact: Bill or Elaine Peck

Badge Number: 8727 Toronto Police

Affiliation: Metropolitan Police Service Division 15

* * *


	7. Worrying II

**Holly**

Once I had opened the file, I found it extremely difficult to turn to the second page. Page 1 had pictures of Gail right out of the academy, from her high school graduation, and a recent photo of her after her emotional haircut, and one in her formal uniform. I had been staring at the photos for over an hour, seeing her in these different stages of life brought with them the fact that Gail and I started dating just over 5 months ago, I had met Gail less than a year ago and yet I'm sure Gail's the woman I'm destined to be with. My phone vibrating on my night stand slowly brought me out of my thoughts.

**You can cuff me any time: Still want to talk, now that you know all my secrets?**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: This file will not change that Gail, I want to see you**

**You can cuff me any time: You haven't read it. I figured you would have read the file by now, the way you binge read your medical journals. Finish it and get back to me.**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: Gail, please come over, I want you to come over.**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: I can meet you anywhere, baby please?**

I'm well aware that Gail had ended our short conversation once again. Thick headed, that would be how I described Gail moving forward. Frustrated, I turned to page 2 Of the nearly 150 page file.

Pg. 2

Gail S. Peck

Top 10% of graduating high school class

Top 3% of Undergraduate Class

Second in class of the Toronto Police academy

Previous relationships within the department:

Officer Chris Diaz

Officer Nick Collins (Prior Engagement) Armed forces deployed to Afghanistan

Dr. Holly F. Stewart Forensic Pathologist 15th Division (currently dating)

I re-read the page multiple times before I came to the realization that my name appeared in Gail's file. Gail's parents knew of our relationship, did Gail tell them. I nearly called her, to inform her of her mother's knowledge. I knew Gail wouldn't answer; I needed to read the file and find her. Screw every form of communication we had, we needed to be face to face, I needed to touch her, the show her that we weren't over.

Pg. 15

Ross Perik a cab driver not previously suspected in the high-end call girl disappearances abducted Officer Gail S. Peck from the home of fellow Officer Andrea McNally. Ross Perik drugged and Gail kept hostage in the basement of his home. Office McNally had been drugged by Gail's attacker after attempting to prevent the abduction upon her arrival home; she had been left unconscious. Detective Jerry Barbed had been pronounced DOA at the house of Ross Perik (COD: sever blood loss from stab wounds to the abdomen).

I couldn't absorb a majority of the information, I could only understand that Gail had been kidnapped, Andy tried to stop it, and Jerry Barber had saved Gail's life. Gail was the officer that had been kidnaped, beaten, and assaulted a few years back. I had heard about the case around the office when I started with the department, I never derived the conclusion that Gail had been that officer.

The photos of Gail after the abduction made me cry; a person had harmed her, not on accident they purposely sought her out and caused harm to her. The wound on Gail's side had been from the abduction in her attempt to fight Perik in the initial attack at Andy's home. 13 stitches were needed to close the wound; Perik had apparently cleaned and cared for the wound before she had been rescued. Blood had been found on her dress and a puncture less than an inch round had been ripped from the dress.

Pgs. 17-45

Were crime scene photos, and evidence photos, and pictures of Gail's wounds. I wished I could crawl into the pictures and hold her, to tell her it would be ok. Nevertheless, I knew that I needed to read the file and find her, to return it to her and to hold her in my arms.

Pg. 46 had my name at the top in bold letters; unconsciously I reached out and ran my fingers over the letters. My name had its own page, not only a line under  _relationships_ , part of me worried about the information the peck family had access too, what had been included, what did Gail know in regards to my past.

**Dr. Holly Faye Stewart**

Birth Name: Trinity Ann Dawson

Born: Vancouver BC

Age: 31 (2014)

Valedictorian from UMASS Massachusetts MD Pathology

Mother: Shannon M. Scott

Father: Jason P. Stewart

Siblings: Bailey M. Stewart (Age: 26) (Adopted)

Status: Adopted

Biological Parents: U/K all files prior to college sealed

Notes: Outstanding credit, outstanding reputation in her occupational field, home owner.

A paper clip at the top of the page held my Toronto morgue badge photo, a copy of my driver's license, along with my transcripts from school and various letters of recommendation from a few of my professors.

I felt violated, Gail had neglected to fill me in on the background profile, all of my personal information had been included; she failed to mention it. Maybe I wouldn't hug her after all, finding out an entire section of her file had contained my information caused my temper to flare, I now needed answers. The last remainder of the file contained a list of cases she had actively participated in, cause of disciplinary actions against her, and comprehensive medical records. None of which I bothered to read. I closed the file and climbed out of bed quickly shoving my feet into a pair of slip on driving shoes and heading towards the door.

I no longer wanted to lay eyes on Gail, to hug her, hold her, I needed to know why her mother had all of my information and I why I hadn't been clued in on her intrusion into my life. Once I had reached my car my anger had peaked, I had a page in Gail's file. Gail knew about my family, my adoption, my GPA, apparently my credit history, and my salary at the morgue.

I'm sure steam clouds were coming out of my ears by the time I had made it to her apartment complex. I took the stairs two at a time to the 4th floor and stormed into her unit without knocking. My actions were promptly met by Chris, who instinctively reached to his hip for the gun that luckily wasn't there. "Sorry." I stopped, forgetting it wasn't just Gail, who lived here, that she had 2 and sometimes 3 other flat mates. "She's in there." Chris pointed towards her room, his posture relaxing significantly. "Thank you." I huffed and walked into the room, Gail stood in her room freshly out of the shower. I could see the beads of water on her skin as she pulled her t-shirt down over her body.

"For fuck sake don't you knock!?" she snarled, turning to face me, I held up the file with a white knuckle grip. "How long have you known?" I countered, matching her tone instantly, all too tempted to throw it at her. "What?" Gail asked her posture defensive, the posture mirrored that of a cop faced with an armed suspect. "Don't play stupid Gail! You had this hand delivered to me don't act clueless. You have a fucking file on me too." I threw the folder on the bed and started pacing along the front of her room, making sure Gail couldn't make a quick exit.

"What are you talking about, I dont have a file on you!?" she quickly ripped the file open and scattering the pages across her bed. "Why would I have a file on you Holly!?" Gail asked pausing when a picture of Jerry surfaced. "You didn't know?" I asked, crossing my arms attempting to give Gail the benefit of the doubt. "Fuck Holly, do you think I'm stupid, why would I tell you to read a file that had your fucking information in it?" she picked up the page with my name, before pinching the bridge of her nose.

"That's a new game." she muttered turning to me, the movement caused the towel around her waist fell away. Gail only had on her t-shirt and black boy short underwear, I couldn't resist staring at the toned milky legs conveniently on display. "I didn't know, My mother keeps tabs on Steve and myself, it's never contained work ups pertaining to our relationships." Gail put all of the papers back in the folder and threw it on her dresser.

"I couldn't tell you about what happened and I figured you would just keep asking about the fucking scar." Gail slowly pulled on a pair of sweats watching me, I'm positive my expression appeared disappointed as her legs were covered. "I've never seen what's on that page, or that that page even existed Holly." Gail looked defeated, her ridged posture fading away leaving her appearing tired, and in pain.

"Why would me knowing about the abduction would change us?" I asked, attempting to disarm my defenses, Gail hadn't been the one who dug into my past; the culprit had been Elaine Peck. "It changed all of my relationships." She slowly lowered herself onto her mattress, she couldn't hide the wince and gasp that followed the motion.

"What happened?" My earlier rage had quickly been replaced with panic, Gail was in pain. "Nothing." Gail glared at me trying to gauge my quick change in mood; I suddenly had amnesia and couldn't remember the reason for my anger. "Gail." I slowly walked towards her, trying not to freak her out. "I have a few bruised ribs, I took fire last night." My heart had stopped beating and started back up again triple tempo before Gail had even finished her explanation.

"Gail." I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, Gail had been shot, not shot at, or near gun fire, she had taken a bullet. "I'm fine; I took a bullet to the vest." She muttered as I quickly came to a stop between her legs, as gently as I could I urged Gail to lay down, slowly pulling the t-shirt up her torso. "Fuck." I choked out checking the deep blue and purple bruise on Gail's Side. The impact of the bullet could be easily made out, the impact point had turned an angry red, and I knew that Gail's bruise would cover the majority of her ribs by this evening.

"You didn't tell me." I gawked at her and she covered her face, I felt as if my lungs were giving out, no amount of air I sucked in seemed to be making its way to brain. "You needed to read the file." she complained through her hands. "For fuck sake Gail, you're in pain and you didn't call me!" I pulled her shirt back down; I couldn't look at the bruise again, I couldn't be near her. "We are supposed to tell each other stuff." I wiped my face feeling the steady stream of tears falling down my cheeks, when did that happen, when did I start crying. "I'm sorry." She sighed, moving her hands to stare up at me. "Fuck. Holly I'm fine, I'm sorry, I didn't." she started and I stormed out of the room, I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand there and listen to an excuse as to why she didn't call me.

"HOLLY!" Gail called after me and I stopped just short of the door, letting the broken sobs escape my lips. "I'm sorry; I didn't think you would talk to me after reading the file, or after the way I've acted the last few days." Gail reached for me, I shook my head, and backed away from her, I couldn't let her touch me, not right now.

"Do you know what I've dealt with the last 2 days?" I saw Chris attempting to escape into his bedroom from my peripheral. "Threats from your brother, if you don't make it right Holly I'll make your life a living hell. Your friends asking what I did wrong, why you were being cold gain, and then finding out your mother dug into my past Gail. All because I wanted to know what had hurt you. You want me to feel guilty over wanting to know why you have a fucking scar on your hip Gail, one that took 15 stitches to close?!" I asked, shaking my head, I couldn't control my voice, as my volume increased to yelling. "I'm in love with you god dammit, and all you're doing is pushing me away!" I couldn't stop the confession if I had tried. The word came spilling out the way my tears did, without knowledge or permission from my brain.

"You love me?" Gail asked I could see the cocky smile playing at the corners of her lips, the shine in her eyes. "What do you think Gail?" I asked, trying to hide the panic in my voice, I meant every word I said, I didn't intend on blurting out it in the middle of an argument, I also couldn't stop crying. Gail walked towards me, effectively backing me into the wall just behind the door, Gail had trapped me. "I love you too." I could feel her warm breath on my lips right before she kissed me, Gail's hands gripped my sides pulling me to her. Once Gail's lips touched mine, an instant calm washed over me, I could feel the Anger, frustration, and sadness dissolve.

"I'm sorry." Gail looked down when we pulled apart, eyeing the minimal space between our bodies. "The abduction is hard for me to discuss, Jerry saved my life and it cost him his. My feelings scare me, causing you to worry when I get hurt scares me, I don't want you to have to worry." Gail's right arm pulled me desperately close; I could feel her fingertips pressing into my skin. "When I'm afraid to lose something, I tend to pull away, or push people away." Gail's left hand found the skin at the base of my spine the pads of her fingers tracing circles there and I could feel myself melt into her. My tears had stopped and I breaths returned to a semi normal state. Fuck, I almost hated that Gail had that effect on me.

"Baby, I am so unbelievably sorry." Gail kissed my temple, causing me to shutter at the delicate gesture I had yet to grow accustomed too. "Back to baby are we?" I asked, trying to Gain a small bit of composure. Grasping desperately at the lingering edges of my anger. Gail had been hurt; she had walked out, and had been pushing me away. Gail had been shot and she didn't think I needed to know, which pissed me off. "Mmhhm." she hummed her approval slowly kissing down my cheek before lightly nipping at my jaw. "Don't." I groaned, pulling away from her. "Why not?" Gail asked, her eyes darkening with need. "I'm still upset with you." I leaned back against the wall, taking in Gail's form the best I could from our current proximity.

"Gail, you need to start talking to me, disappearing and sending your brother to play the middle man won't work in your favor next time. That's not going to make us work, I need you to tell me what's going on in that head of yours." I managed to pull completely away from her leaving nearly a foot between us. "Can we go back to your place?" she asked, unable to meet my eyes, her hair had dried since I came into the house and adorably resembled a baby ducks down. "Can we go to your place and talk?" Gail asked, rolling the hem of her shirt between her fingers.

"Yeah." I nodded, watching her retreat back into her bedroom for a moment before reappearing with her cell phone and her work duffle bag. The 48 hour emotional roller-coaster ride I had been on drained all the energy I had left, sadly I knew my ride wasn't over just yet. Gail and I had only just scratched the emblematic surface of our problems. I needed to divulge the information regarding my adoption and my birth parents, and I desperately wanted to have a conversation with Gail regarding the abduction.

Our figurative bubble was about to be shredded to pieces, there was too much unshared, too much left unexpressed. Unsure of my own self-control I began to wonder if our conversation would happen when we arrived at my flat, or would Gail and I end up spending three days in bed.

* * *


	8. Defending

**Holly**

I went to medical school, before my pathology fellowship, I did a 2-year residency in a hospital pathology lab. I'm familiar with the ins and outs of diagnosing patients, the process of patient intake from an emergency room. I had the training to be a physician, all of my experience and schooling seemed to disappear when I saw Gail's bruise, worry took over and I went from doctor girlfriend to worried girlfriend. When we arrived to my apartment, Gail fell asleep moments after sitting on the couch.

Being hit by a bullet required a hospital visit, x-rays, CT scans to ensure there's no internal bleeding. Pain meds would be prescribed to dull residual pain, ace bandages would be applied to the ribs if needed. Gail had been to the hospital, had undergone tests, and had been diagnosed without calling me, it still worried my mind, that would be added to the list of topics Gail and I needed to discuss once she felt up to it.

"Gail." I ran my fingers through her hair attempting to tame the mess of blond locks and ease her out of her dream. "No." Gail complained squeezing her eyes shut, typical grouchy morning Gail. "Honey, you should head to bed, sleeping here will only hurt later." I typically wouldn't fight a sleeping Gail, but the awkward position she had fallen asleep in would cause discomfort if she stayed in that way for too long. "Fine, you're lucky I love your bed." Gail pouted slowly sitting up. "I'll stay until you're settled in." I reached out for her hand slowly pulling her off the couch. I found it impossible to be upset with her right now. From experience, I knew Gail on pain meds equaled black out Gail in the morning, I could only hope that Gail would remember our conversation and proclamation.

I tucked Gail in bed and walked downstairs to put the kettle on. The clock reads 4 in the morning, with the events of the last 60 hours I should be capable of sleeping for no less than 12. My mind had other plans though, I knew the chances of me falling asleep were slim to none. I didn't know what to tell Gail about my past, or my birth parents, my records had been sealed for a reason after all. How do you tell a cop, from a family of cops that your family's record could be used to train every department in the force? The banging on my door brought me out of my thoughts, the only person I tolerated banging on my door at 6 AM currently occupied my bed.

"Can I help you?" I opened my door enough to see Tracie and Steve, both looking upset and tired. "Sorry that it's early, do you know where Gail is?" Tracie asked, avoiding eye contact. "You couldn't call and ask me that, did you need to really bang on my door at 6 in the morning?" I asked, leaning against the door frame, unwilling to let them in. "Do you know where Gail is or not?" Steve demanded rather than asked, his tone less protective brother, more Detective Peck determined to crack the case.

"Gail's upstairs asleep." I stepped aside, letting them through the door, sure that the conversation hadn't ended since neither of them currently supported Team Holly. "Chris told us that you and Gail had a heated argument, and when he went to check on Gail he couldn't find her." Steve huffed looking around the room; neither of them had ever been inside my flat before. Tracie looked back at Steve before sitting at the counter; she seemed less inclined to snoop.

"I'm aware that we're not exactly friends, you're here to protect Gail, I could do without the interrogation though, I'm not a suspect." I refilled the tea kettle and set it on the stove top. "I don't want my sister to have her heart broken." Steve sat next to Tracie refusing to meet my gaze. Steve's constant shift in mood baffled me, how did Tracie deal with that in a relationship. Gail could be hot and cold, thankfully her mood didn't shift every 10 minutes.

"Gail has been amazing since you came into her life; she smiles and lets us in." Steve glanced at Tracie before meeting my eyes. "You had a fight or whatever and the super guarded snappy Gail suddenly showed up with a vengeance. When Gail asked me to bring you the file our mother uses to track Gail's ever move, to show you her secrets. "Steve tone shifted from concerned to pissed off before he had finished his speech, Steve hesitated opening and closing his mouth a few times. "Steve." I worried my bottom lip between my teeth leaning against the sink. "Since Gail and I started dating, I asked what the scar on her hip was caused by." I waited for either of them to respond, both of them knew about the scar, I hoped that maybe they might offer insight into the situation.

"I needed to understand what had happened, I don't like knowing that Gail's been in danger, that she's still heartbroken because of it. I love your sister, Gail's secrets won't change the way I feel." Neither Steve nor Tracie acknowledged my admission, that I loved Gail. I was only met by the unwelcoming gazes from the couple sitting at my counter. "Can you cut the protective brother, bullshit?" I glared at Steve before I prepared another cup of tea for myself and offered one to Tracie.

"I'll do everything in my power to ensure her safety, and make her happy, she makes me happy." I set a cup in front of Steve hearing the soft footfalls of sock clad feet on the stairs. "If you hurt her Holly." Steve muttered eyeing the tea, neither one seemed to notice Gail walk into the room. "Steven!" Gail groaned stopping near Steve, her ice queen glare fixed on the couple sitting at the counter.

"You have never acted this way, not with Chris, Nick, or anyone I've dated." Gail practically hissed at Steve; she hated it when people tried to protect her, when they tried to defend her honor. "Get your balls out of that twist and fucking get over it. You have no right to act this way Steve." Gail glanced at me for a second, I could see the smirk playing at the corner of her lips, before Steve had time to duck Gail quickly slapped the back of Steve's head. "You will treat my girlfriend with respect, especially sitting in her home." Gail walked to my side of the counter, a satisfied smile on her lips. Tracie watched Gail before laughing at Steve, her mood lifting.

"I'm just looking out for you Gail" Steve rubbed his head, giving Gail his best puppy dog eyes. "I don't need you too. I love Holly, and I know she won't hurt me on purpose Steve we aren't perfect. That will be the last time you threaten her or demean our relationship or I will cause bodily Harm." Gail leaned into my side, her hand running along my hip.

I can only compare Gail's touch to pulling on my favorite sweater, her warmth seeped into my bones, instantly comforting me and calming my thoughts. Gail remembered last night, she remembers telling me she loved me, I felt instantly relieved. "I'm sorry Holly; I didn't mean to be a jerk." Steve met my eyes, his eyes truly apologetic. "We were just worried; it's not every day Chris calls to say he can't find my sister." Steve sipped his tea, looking between Gail and myself. "We are all rooting for you, that you will both be happy. Seeing the way you look at each other gives the rest of us hope." Steve smiled; it seemed to crack the brick wall exterior he wore. "I'm sorry for acting like an ass, I haven't been there to protect my sister when she needed me and I regret that. I guess I'm trying to make up for that, and taking it out on you isn't right" Steve's eyes shifted to the counter, his posture relaxed as Tracie grabbed his hand.

"We should leave or we will be late for work." Tracie smiled before tugging Steve out of his chair. "Are you ok, Need anything?" Tracie asked bringing their cups in the sink, taking the time to examine Gail. "No, thank you." Gail smiled, picking up my tea and sipping it. "Call us if you do. We should have dinner soon to catch up." Tracie laughed, easing the lingering tension in the room. "Friday?" Gail asked, glancing up at me, I didn't necessarily care to sit down to share a meal with Steve just yet but I nodded anyway. "ok, we will figure out the rest later." Tracie followed Steve out of my flat and Gail let out a breath she seemed to be holding. "Are you sure you're ok?" I asked, looking at my feet. "I need an aspirin, and then we need to talk." Gail shrugged walking towards the stairs. "Yeah, I agree." I muttered to myself before settling on the couch waiting for Gail to reappear.

"Good morning by the way." Gail leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Good morning." I smiled, turning to capture her lips in a proper kiss before she pulled away laughing. "Trying to distract me?" she asked, licking her lips, she leaned back against the armrest of the couch facing me. "No, just saying good morning." I smiled, watching her pull the covers over her lap. She seemed comfortable and at ease, I only witnessed this side of her when we were alone. "I guess we need to talk." I moved to mirror her position against the opposite arm rest, Gail simply nodded before unfolding the blanket and draping it over both of our legs.

* * *


	9. Learning

**Gail**

How to have an adult conversation didn't exist in the Gail Peck handbook, every relationship prior to Holly paled in comparison. With Holly, I found myself participating in acts and feelings that used to terrify me. We had been sitting here staring at each other for nearly 20 minutes, both of us unsure of the proper starting point of our impending conversation, the file, our feelings, or my brother. Maybe Holly wanted me to start, afraid that I might leave if she brought up the case or my abduction.

"Um." Holly muttered, looking at her lap, taking a deep breath, I took that as my queue to start. "Growing up, my parents" I glanced out the window; the sun warmed the room with a dull glow. "The superintendent and the inspector told Steve and me that we would work for the force, we have no alternative options. I would follow in the family footsteps, join the force, be a cop, and move up the ranks until they were both satisfied with my efforts." I chewed on my lip, I inspected the blanket covering our legs, the pattern, the weave, trying to distract myself.

"I wanted to be a police officer, growing up they took us to the station, we shadowed other cops, I knew how to decipher every call code by age 12." I peeked up at Holly, her warm eyes searching my face ungrudgingly. "I went undercover hoping to break the case, blond call girls were being abducted and killed, I wanted the assignment. I figured it would get the superintendent off my back for a few months if it worked out. The operation lead nowhere, we came out of it with no viably leads or suspects; I had been crashing at Andy's place." I took a deep breath, three people knew the details of the abduction, Luke, Tracie, and my shrink.

"Gail, I read the report, if it's too difficult, we can stop." Holly played with the fringe on the blanket, rolling it between her fingers. "I need to." I muttered, staring at my hands. "I'm going to cry, Please just let me finish ok?" I couldn't meet her eyes, communication is vital in relationships, knowing that though made this no easier. "Ok" Holly nodded, concerned etched all over her face. "I still have nightmares, they feel real, it's as if I'm in his basement again, strapped to the table, I can't see anything, I'm blindfolded, I know he's there though his shoes tap on the floor." I laced my fingers together, attempting to hide my trembling hands from Holly.

"After what happened with Oliver, after the Ford case." I gulped, forcing the lump in my throat down. "I started having flashbacks, I wanted to make it all go away, make the memories disappear. My breakdown in your bathroom, Holly." I attempted to hold back the broken sob that escaped my lips. "It could have ended differently." I ran my fingers through my hair; I could not tell her all the details, my fear, Jerry bleeding on the floor. The feeling that no one would find me that I might die, in a trunk, or the same way the others did.

"You saved me, kissing you in the interrogation room grounded me. You gave me something to look forward to, hope that I could be different." I felt Holly shift from the other side of the couch. "I don't know how to talk about it, how to let people in, and you didn't run." I felt the tears running down my cheeks. "No one has ever grounded me Holly, my parents pushed me, Chris didn't understand me, nick broke me, and Steve feels guilty that he couldn't protect me." My knuckles turned white, my grip on the blanket tightening, I couldn't look away.

"When you asked about the scar, it terrified me. Once you understood how damaged I am, I figured you would leave, and one hit and I could shatter. My parents refuse to discuss it, they just referred me to a shrink. My mom didn't even come to the hospital after the abduction. She sent flowers and a card, be strong and don't embarrass us." I let out a shaky breath wiping away my tears.

"Gail" Holly pleaded gently pulling me into her arms. "I love you. I'm sorry that I pried baby. I'm not your parents, or nick, or Chris. Please trust that what I feel for you is never going to change, no matter what happens. I'm in love with you." Holly held me tight, kissing my forehead; I could feel her breaths coming in ragged puffs. "I'm sorry that my mom dug into your past. God, it never occurred to me that she might run a background check." I settled against her, feeling myself calm down, my breaths evening out, the tears stopped flowing down my cheeks. I missed being in Holly's arms, I fit perfectly against her, like a puzzle piece. Holly is the gravity that kept me from floating away; I could never run away from Holly. We sat in silence, both collecting our bearings, it didn't feel forced or uneasy the silence came naturally.

"That page, your mom found information on me that no one's supposed to be able to access." Holly ran her fingers in tight circles along my lower back and hip. "My parents adopted me when I was 3, my birth parents were both killed in a drive by." Holly's hand rested flat against my side. "I've been told that they were drug dealers." Holly readjusted the blanket to cover us both. "My mom and dad didn't stop me from asking questions, but they didn't have the answers I wanted." Holly's spoke at a level just above a whisper. "I'm sorry Holly." I squeezed her hand gently. "I'm not ashamed of my past, I my birth parents don't define me, The family that raised me loved me and I turned out ok." Holly's fingers started the lazy pattern drawing again, building a slow fire under my skin, a fire that would burn for weeks if not years.

"When the adoption finalized my records were sealed." Holly shifted to lay next to me, she fidgeted for a moment before pulling me back into her arms. "According to the papers, they died in a gang related drive by. We lived in Vancouver most of my life, we moved before my 16th birthday, around that time my parents started noticing people hanging around the neighborhood; someone would call the house and hang up." Holly's eyes weren't fixated on anything, staring off into space, her hand moved under my shirt gently rubbing my back. "Letters showed up in the mail threatening us and demanding money. The police conducted an inconclusive investigation stating they didn't have enough evidence or viable leads. My parents chose to move to Toronto, afraid that if we stayed the threats would escalate to actions, that whoever sent the threats could harm me, or my sister." Holly's hand moved along my back counting my vertebra.

"Everyone has a past Gail; secrets we keep close to the chest. We tell each other things." She turned and nuzzled into my neck. "We don't need to tell each other everything, I'm here, I'll keep your nightmares away." Holly's voice slowly faded as she fell asleep. "I love you." She whispered as her body relaxed and her eyes fluttered closed. "I love you too." I softly kissed her forehead, allowing myself to fall asleep.

* * *


	10. Needing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M…you know why

**Gail**

I hadn't planned on falling asleep on Holly's couch, her warm breath on my neck and hands on my back were lulling me back to sleep. I couldn't remember why my eyes had opened; I clung to Holly for dear life, my hands fisting her t-shirt. "Gail." Holly breathed against my neck as I fell back into my dream. "Baby, you're having a nightmare." Holly tried to wake me, I could hear her in my dream, but I couldn't move, my hands were bound, my eyes were covered, I could hear the pain in her voice, Holly's dream voice, and I needed to reach her.

_"Gail!" Holly screamed as I frantically reached out for her, trying to free myself from the straps. "HOLLY!" I called back thrashing back and forth, I needed to move. "Help me!" she cried, the gunshot echoed causing me to jump. My heart raced, I needed to find Holly. "Baby!" I yelled, the room fell quiet, I could move my hands again, I pulled off my blindfold, the pitch dark room provided little help. "Holly!?" I frantically felt around for her, moving inch by inch along the cold floor. My hands found a warm liquid before Holly, the liquid gushed from her side. "Holly!?" I panicked, she didn't answer, she wasn't moving, and I couldn't find a pulse. "HOLLY, STAY WITH ME!" I called pressing into her side, attempting to stop the bleeding._

"Gail!" Holly gently shook my shoulder, my eyes flew open, and my cheeks hot with tears. We had shifted during our nap, i had ended up mostly on top of Holly. My heart thudded against my ribs, I could hear its frantic beating in my ears. "Hey." Holly ran her hand along my back, bringing me back to reality , I moved as fast as I could to rip her shirt up to her chin, fanatically searching her for the source of the blood. "Baby, I'm ok." Holly pulled me into her arms kissing my temple.

"It's just a nightmare, you're safe." Holly held me tight against her chest, telling me I'm safe repeatedly. "It felt real Hol" I leaned forward to kiss her neck softly. "You were shot." I mumbled, running my hand along her side, her shirt had bunched over her chest. "Was talking too much?" Holly kissed my forehead, her movements and voice did wonders to calm my nerves and heart rate. "The past few days have been too much." I met her eyes, the same warm brown that made me fall in love with her. "I'm sorry, I acted like a 3 year old." I let my thumb graze the underside of her breast, basking in the feel of her skin. "For running, I don't want to run from you Holly, you're my gravity." I kissed along her neck working my way to her jaw.

"Staying away from you for three days," I nipped at the edge of her jaw, the taste of cinnamon settling on my tongue. "It sucked, I had this constant urge to find you, to kiss you, to touch you." I moved my hand to fully cup her breast, her nipple hardened and pressed into my palm. "Being away from you" I settled on top of her watching her eyes flutter closed under my touch. "I get homesick." I quickly moved to push Holly's legs apart before settling back between them.. "I'm sorry for waking you." I searched her face, watching her eyes open again; dark with lust, love, and need, I'm positive my eyes mirrored hers.

"When I wake up like this." My voice dropped as I ran my hands up her sides. "I need to feel you." I leaned in and kissed her, running my tongue along her lower lip begging for entrance. "Mmhhm" Holly moaned into the kiss as my thigh pressed up against her core. "I love you Gail." Holly pulled my shirt off before discarding her own. She glanced down at my bruise before I settled against her, moaning at the feel of her skin on mine. "I love you too" I muttered between kisses, savoring the feeling of Holly against me.

The feeling of her skin, her lips, and her taste had turned me into a junkie, I needed it. Holly gently scraped her nails along my back exciting a wave of desire to course through my body. I rested up on my elbow moving my hand between us, tracing the waistband of her shorts. "Mmhhm" she hummed trying to find the friction from thigh that had moved inches away from her center. "Please?" she ran her fingers through my hair, tugging me back to her lips. I slipped my hand under her shorts smiling, I could feel the heat radiating from her core. "God you feel incredible." I teased her outer lips, feeling her move impatiently under me. I wanted to prolong her release, to wallow in the feeling of Holly's body.

"Oh god!" Holly ripped her mouth from mine as her hips arched off the couch, her head thrashing on the pillow under her as my fingers entered her. "God your sexy." I took advantage of her position to latch my lips to her pulse point moving my thumb to toy with her clit. "Harder!" Holly begged her tone breathy and needing. I smiled against her skin and pressed into her harder, feeling her tighten around me, I kissed my way across her shoulder grinning as she gripped the pillow under her head. "Mmhhm" a soft moan escaped her lips, her hips desperately trying to match my rhythm, her breaths were shallow and ragged, and I knew her orgasm was close. I bent down to bring her nipple between my lips slowly rolling it between my teeth. "Fuck!" she bucked, her body spasming as she tightened around my fingers. I slowed my stokes letting her ride out the orgasm as long as possible. "You're sexy when you cum." I peppered kisses along her chest feeling her shake with the aftershocks as I pulled out of her.

A satisfied and dazed smile appeared on Holly's lips, pure unadulterated post orgasmic happiness. "Come here." Holly roughly tried to reverse our position, causing me to yelp in pain. "Oh my god" Holly panicked, quickly removing her hands from my body. "It's ok, I just need my pain MEDs" I sat up, taking slow shallow breaths. "Gail." Holly watched me with concern etched all over her face. "I'm fine, promise." I pulled my shirt back on slowly trying to limit my movements. "I need water, want some?" I stood up and walked into the kitchen, I tried to blink back the pain. Holly had gripped me right over the bruise, pressing her fingers into the most sensitive parts of my injury.

"Shit." I hissed leaning against the counter, as if a knife had been thrust between my ribs. "Why didn't you call me?" Holly stood in the doorway playing with the hymn of her shirt. "I didn't want you to worry." I tried to catch my breath. "It's just a bruise, you didn't need to worry." I pulled a water bottle out of the fridge.

"I didn't think you would show up, I blew you off" I leaned back against the counter picking at the label on the water. "I will always show up Gail, don't do it again. Promise me I will be called." Holly walked up to me, her hands coming to rest on my cheeks. "I love you Gail, I care and I'm going to worry. I will always show up." She searched my eyes, her tears threatening to spill over. "I know how much you love your job, you can't tell me not to worry. My worry is mine." Holly's voice was barely above a whisper before she leaned in to kiss me. "Do your best to come home to me, and I swear Gail if you're injured again and I'm not called It will not be pretty." Holly laughed, kissing me again, gently pulling me into her arms.

"I've never had someone who has cared so much before; I'll do my best, to tell you everything, to ease your worry." I nuzzled into her neck becoming enveloped in the smell of Holly's skin. "I will put you as my emergency contact babe." I ran my hands along her back. "Thank you." Holly muttered against my shoulder. "Is your pain medication in your bag?" Holly smoothed my hair searching my face.

"Yeah." I nodded, following as she walked upstairs. "Hol." I tugged on her hand before she walked into her room. "Don't give up on me; please don't let me ruin this?" I asked taking a deep breath. "Gail, you're staying in your damn tree." Holly grinned laughing at her own joke. I had never been in a relationship like this, I had never loved anyone the way I loved Holly. I never wanted to love anyone after Holly, if soul mates existed, Holly was mine. I had work to do on myself before I could be positive that I wouldn't ruin my chances, I needed to stay in my tree.

* * *


	11. Missing

**Holly**

Gail and I spent the weekend discussing nearly everything and anything, more than we have ever talked before. When Gail is on pain meds, she becomes needy and undeniably adorable. It felt great to have everything out in the open, leaving all of our baggage behind, to start fresh. A relaxed weekend balanced out the crazy week we had had. It allowed Gail time to heal, not only from her physical wounds; she seemed to be in a calmer mindset when she left for work.

Our weekend, sadly enough had ended, today we both left my flat to head back to the real world where Gail has a gun strapped to her waist and a bulletproof vest on. The proverbial dust had settled and we were still standing, stronger than ever. There were a few cracks in our foundation; we were working to seal them, to move forward with life, and to ensure that we stayed on the right track.

"Dr. Stewart?" I looked up towards the door at a shy Tracie holding a cup of coffee in each hand; I made a silent wish that one of the cups would be for me. "Detective Nash." I nodded, moving away from the exam table and pulled off my gloves. "I have your DNA results, one second." I made my way to my cluttered desk, currently covered in half-finished notes, case reports, and journal articles. I quickly shuffled the papers around finding the file with Tracie's name on a sticky note, flipping it open to double check that the case belonged to her.

"And I have coffee for you." Tracie held a cup out to me with a smile. "Thank you." We traded my file for her coffee, relieved that there didn't seem to be residual awkwardness between us considering the last time I saw her. "Soy, no sugar." Tracie smiled before flipping through the file. "Investigating me, or stalking me?" I eyed her while sipping the coffee; If heaven had a taste I'm sure it would be the taste of hot coffee or Gail's lips. "No, Gail mentioned that if I bribe you with coffee I may faster test results." She closed the file and smiled at me. I knew my hair was a mess; my neatly pressed suit from this morning now replaced by wrinkled gray scrubs and sneakers. "Gail should not share that information." I shook my head before pulling my glasses off to rub my eyes, I couldn't tell if they were burning, or just sore from the long day, but rubbing them seemed to help.

"Long day?" Tracie asked, putting the file under her arm. The last time I had seen a clock it read 10:22 PM, considering that had been a while back I figured the clock would tell me the time had past midnight. My limbs felt waited from exhaustion and I fought myself to stay awake. "I've been here since 5 this morning." I yawned unable to contain it. "Go home" Tracie gave me what could best be described as a pointed mothers glare, before glancing at her watch. "Thank you for these." Tracie pointed to the file and smiled. "Have a good night Holly." She waved and walked out of my lab. I had been called to three major cases today, each one needing rushed results and quick autopsies. Luckily my day could officially be called over, I packed my bag and put the bodies in the locker before I made my way home.

* * *

I drove to my flat in a semi zombie-esc state, glad that I lived less than 5 minutes from the office. I didn't even notice her until she spoke. "you look how I feel." Gail let out a soft laugh before giving me a once over, leaning against the wall by my door. "Tracie called me when she left the lab." she pushed off the wall and smiled at me. "Did you just finish shift?" I asked unlocking my door needing to dump the workload i had brought home.

"No, shift ended a few hours ago" Gail followed me inside taking her time to remove her jacket and boots. "Desk duty all day, Oliver said it might be all week." She groaned standing behind me patiently. "I just wanted to see you." Gail pulled me into her arms once I had set everything down. "I missed you." I breathed her in, she smelled of gunpowder and honey, a smell that I associated entirely with Gail, it had seeped into my sheets, my pillows, and a number of my favorite sweaters. "Gunna stay over?" I asked, running my hand up the back of her shirt, I love Gail's back the smooth skin and defined muscles. "I have an early shift, I needed to kiss you before you went to sleep." Gail kissed me slowly at first, but my resolve never lasted long where Gail's lips were involved. I pulled her flush against me needing to feel as much of her as possible. "How early?" I asked attempting to be mindful of the still tender bruise on her side that as of this morning was a nasty green, purple, and yellow as my hands roamed her body.

"I need to be in the station by 6" she muttered against my neck, I felt the moan before it escaped my lips. While we had been talking and cuddling, this weekend had resulted in just that. We hadn't had what I would call proper sex for over a week, and my fix was well overdue. "Did you come here just to tease me?" I asked nipping at her shoulder, as her sweater slipped to the side. "No, that would be cruel to both of us." She whined, stopping my hands from undoing her jeans, I knew we didn't have time, I honestly didn't know if I had the energy. "How long were you waiting outside?" I backed away putting space between us. If I stayed that close to her, I would lose all self-control.

"maybe 10 minutes." Gail glanced back towards the kitchen clock. "Dov is picking me up in an hour when shift ends, his car is in the shop he's using mine. You should head upstairs and shower, I will make you dinner." Gail backed into the kitchen pointing at the stairs. "Bossy." I mumbled toeing out of my shoes, eyeing her as she checked the cupboards. "The faster you shower and eat, the faster we can make-out on the couch." Gail grinned setting a pan on the stove. "Ok, ok" I sighed, running upstairs stripping as quickly as possible. I took a mostly cold shower, not wasting time waiting for it to warm up, partly due to the fact that we were on a deadline that meant 100% no sex. A make-out session on the couch did sound lovely though, and tortuous due to my already aroused state.

I pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt Gail had left behind the first time she had spent the night before I wandered back downstairs. I stood in the doorway to the kitchen watching her, the way her right foot crossed behind her left, her hip against the counter, aimlessly stirring a pot on the stove. A bottle of water sat on one place mat and a glass of wine on the other, along with silver wear. "Ready?" she asked, before turning to meet my gaze. "How did you?" I asked as she eyed my shirt. She must have heard the water in the shower turn off. "You're not quiet." she poured pasta and meat sauce onto a plate before holding it out to me.

"Come on eat up." She laughed pouring the rest onto her own plate. "What is it?" I asked, eyeing the red sauce cautiously, tomato allergy came to mind instantly. "Did you have a rough day at work, is this a suicide attempt?" I peeked at her before moving the pasta around the plate suspiciously. "Red bell peppers nerd. No tomato." Gail rolled her eyes and sat at the counter. Everything Gail cooked, topped my list of favorite foods. She had told me that growing up Peck meant being amazing at everything, being a cop, being a cook, school, all of it. The only expectation Gail hadn't exceeded at had been public speaking, something about being pale and sweaty and always claiming to be sick.

We ate quickly and as promised made our way to the couch. "I don't like that you're leaving" I breathed pinning her under me, being mindful of the still tender bruise. "Sadly we pay bills, and to do that working is required." She kissed me, her tongue running along my lower lip. "this isn't playing fair" I groaned kissing her again, pressing my lounge past her lips "mhhm" She hummed pulling me closer to her. we were tangled together on the couch when her phone rang. "I hate Dov." I slurred against her neck. "Me too." Gail picked up her phone and glanced down at me. "He's outside." Gail laughed as I tried to pin her to the couch so she couldn't leave. "I love you, have a good night." she kissed me soundly before she left, knowing that if she didn't leave soon we would go to bed.

* * *

The week that followed consisted of long hours, talking to Gail through text and the odd chance we could manage a quick coffee break. Up to this point in our relationship, our schedules had not been this problematic, this week made me realize just how addicted to her presence I had become. "Holly." Steve cautiously stepped into the lab, he was not the Peck I expected to be in my doorway. "Long week?" he set a coffee on my desk before leaning against the far wall. Every person I had seen from 15 had been kind enough to let me in on the fact that I appeared to be tired.

"Gail asked me to bring coffee while I waited for my results." He pointed to the coffee on my desk before pulling out his phone. Steve and I weren't sure how to act around each other, he still seemed put off by Gail giving me her file. Luckily though Gail had convinced everyone who needed to come to the lab, that they needed to support my already concerning coffee habit, if only she had been supplying me with herself. " It's been one hell of a week. I bodies came in faster than I had been able to process them." I rubbed at the back of my neck needing to stretch and shake the thoughts of Gail. "This is the last case for the weekend, right?" Steve asked, glancing around the lab, He didn't seem at ease in here the way Gail did, he had admitted before that the lab freaked him out.

"Yeah, once I have your DNA back, I'm headed home to catch up on my sleep." I picked up the coffee cup, overjoyed by the warmth seeping into my hands. I had been blessed with a long weekend ahead, 3 full days outside of work. "This week has been crazy. I've only seen Tracie at work." He smiled before sitting in the chair opposite my desk, I almost told him to stop bragging. "At least you see her. I haven't seen Gail for more than a few minutes all week." I pouted against my own will, causing Steve to laugh. "You two are sickening, she's been complaining to everyone at work that she hasn't been able to spend time with you." Steve shook his head, part of me filled with joy knowing Gail was equally as miserable as I had been all week. The machine next to me beeped bringing me out of my thoughts. "Those would be yours." I stood up and walked over the printer. "DNA matches" I handed him the report, letting him double check. "Lock everything up and run before youre called to a scene." he took the file and walked to the door "Have a good weekend." He politely waved before leaving my lab.

**Dr. Hot Stuff: You, Me, a bottle of wine (or whiskey) a long bath, locked doors?**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: only if long bath is code for mind blowing sex, or at least ends with it. Yes.**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I miss you**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: We may not make it to the bathtub before the mind-blowing sex**

**Dr. Ho Stuff: I miss you too 3**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: my shifts over in 30, meet you at yours?**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: yes, I'll be the naked one in the tub waiting for you :)**

I could not stop myself from teasing her, after a full 6 days without proper us time I was starting to forget how she felt pressed against me. How she felt in my arms, her smell, her taste. I packed up and stopped at the store to pick up food and alcohol on my way home, knowing I wouldn't have the energy for much this weekend. When I pulled into my parking spot, Gail stood leaning against her silver Nissan a few spaces away from me. "Thought you were supposed to be naked and in the tub." Gail pushed off her car walking towards me. Her hair a proper mess and her shirt rode up under her jacket, exposing her hips and lower stomach, both sights causing my heart rate to pick up. "I figured you might hold me to the whiskey promise." I climbed out of my jeep and immediately pulled her to me, ecstatic to have her for the night.

"Mmhhm." Her lips crashed into mine as I tried to pull her closer, my tongue slipped past her exploring her mouth, I needed to taste her to feel her. The weight in my limbs from the long week evaporated and I felt normal again. "We should head inside." Gail pulled away, her breaths coming quickly, her face flushed, pupils dilated. "I agree." I nodded, collecting the bags from my backseat. I didn't care if we made it to the bed or just past the front door I needed to feel Gail in a way that I had been denied for nearly 2 weeks. Gail helped me carry the groceries upstairs to my door. "Everything ok?" she asked, looking at me and I nodded, pulling my key out of the lock. I had locked the deadbolt this morning, I always lock the deadbolt and right now, it wasn't locked.

Once I open the door, the chatter washed over us, the voices, laughter, and the smell of food cooking. "Shit" I cursed under my breath, Gail eyed me before setting the bags on the floor. "My parents and sister are here, I understand if you want to leave, you can take my car." I held my keys out to her and she took them hesitantly. "Do you not want me to meet your family?" she asked slowly backing away from me. I didn't exactly know what to say, I was freaking out and I didn't want to hurt Gail.

* * *


	12. MEETING

**Holly**

I don't have an epic, a guy broke my heart and I hate men coming out story, or a girl broke me and I swore off dating story either. I had a simple story, I had yet to meet the one; my parents had met previous girlfriends. I had long term relationships that had potential, but when it came down to it, my job presented a huge stress factor. Also, meeting worthwhile women is nearly impossible when you spend 80% of your day in a sterile room filled with elbow deep in dead bodies.

The possibility that my parents could be the reason the Gail went running for the hills so fast that she would never talk to me again happened to be the only scenario that came to mind. I couldn't lose her, Gail was my person, the one. I was in love with Gail and I wanted that for our future, she was my future. My heart had been waiting for Gail.

"Do you not want me to meet your parents?" Gail's question knocked the air out of me, I dropped my bags and pushed her against the wall. "I love you" I kissed her hard, my hands resting on her hips. I never considered her being ok with meeting them. "Gail of course I want you to meet them, I just didn't know if you were ready too." I kissed her again feeling her ridged muscles relaxing under my hands.

"I want to meet them you dork." Gail put my keys in my back pocket. "Also, I drove tonight, and I need to continue this later." Her hot breath against my ear excited shivers that ran down my spine. I backed away and found her blue eyes dark and yearning. God why were they in my house, after Gail and I had spent a week apart, I made a mental note to comment on their timing. "Come on, let me introduce you." I quickly gathered the bags from the floor and herded her into my flat. "Ok, maybe I just want the food." Gail laughed, letting out a small nervous laugh.

"Doc!" my dad laughed, standing near the stove, my parents at best could be described as hippies, the typical free loving flower children. I often felt out of place with my family, my olive skin verses their dark skin. My need for an explanation, versus there fun loving ways. They had adopted my sister before I turned 5, Bailey had only been weeks old when they brought her home.

My sister had blonde hair, green eyes, nearly as dark as me, also taller than me by at least 3 inches. "Dad." I smiled, pulling Gail into the kitchen. "I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend Gail." I smiled pulling Gail forward. "Gail this is my Dad, Jason, and My mom Shannon" I pointed them out to her, Bailey cleared her throat from the living room watching me. "That jack ass over there is Bailey, my baby sister." I shrugged, watching Gail for signs that she was preparing to run.

"it is great to meet you, I have heard wonderful things." Gail smiled at everyone, she didn't appear uncomfortable. "What do you do Gail?" my dad asked, poking at the pan on the stove. "I'm a police officer." Gail smiled before walking to the fridge. "need anything?" she asked, handing me a beer. I had seen Gail act weird with her brother, me, her friends, Gail had never been friendly with her friends, not I that had witnessed, Gail was honestly being polite and friendly right now. "That sounds dangerous." my mom watched me for a moment, my gaze fixed on Gail's profile, I hadn't told them much about Gail. "It can be, but I love my job," Gail smiled before turning to catch my gaze. "That's wonderful." My dad nodded and pulled plates from the cupboard.

"What is it that you do, sir?" Gail asked my dad before leaning into me, her posture and attitude completely relaxed. "Please, call me Jason" my dad nodded at both of us. I doubted that Gail would call my dad Jason. Using first names didn't fall in the natural order of command in Gail's life. I also didn't anticipate her willingness to meet my parents, her general openness. I watched in awe for the rest of the night, Gail talked and laughed with my family. A lazy smile played at the corners of her lips. They all swapped stories and Gail actively listened. Her arm draped over my shoulder playing with my hair as I sat in awe of the situation.

"No no no!" Bailey laughed, waving her hands at Gail. "Holly has always been a giant nerd." She fought to speak against her fits of laughter. My name caught my attention and I shifted my stare from Gail to Bailey. Great they were sharing, embarrassing Holly stories, just what I need, they were willingly giving Gail ammo to tease me later. "Doc here used to collect twigs, and try to figure out the cause of the break nature or foot." Bailey laughed as I glared at her, Gail just smiled.

"Did she carry around her lunchbox?" Gail asked, squeezing my arm, her arm dropping behind me as I sat up. "That bag with all her tools?" My dad asked and I rolled my eyes, I hadn't been paying attention, I couldn't recall the origin of embarrassing Holly story hour. "That would be the one." Gail smiled sweetly at me and I swear I would be beat red by now if possible. "Yup, it had a magnifying glass, tweezers, little bags, jars, and gloves." My mom just shook her head, the smile she currently wore hadn't left her face all night.

"So she's always been a super nerd." Gail snickered wrapping her arm around my waist, pulling me into her side, I felt the urge to hide, settling to glare at them all snuggling closer to Gail. Overjoyed that her meeting my parents had not turned into Gail meeting my friends. At least I wouldn't need to explain that Gail is truly wonderful, I wouldn't be calling my parents to tell them she's not always snarky and closed off. "Are you going to tell me why you showed up last minuet?" I asked, attempting to change the subject as Gail's fingers found a patch of exposed skin at the base of my shirt, effectively driving me crazy. "Maybe we should talk in the kitchen?" my mom nodded, looking between Gail and me. They had been informed that a background check had been completed; I should have called them when found out.

"This is about the background check, right?" I asked, feeling Gail's fingers stopped moving and her muscles tense. Last weekend I had explained how protective my parents were in terms of my safety. "You knew?" my dad asked, his eyebrows knitting together, I just nodded, playing with the hem of Gail's shirt. "The lawyers called, saying that one had been performed." my mom eyed me, unhappy that I didn't call her.

"That's my fault" Gail sounded unsure of herself. "My mother is nosey and, well." Gail watched my hands as I leaned in closer to her. "Your mother just ran a background check on Holly?" My dad stared at me, I could tell by the subtle strain in his voice that he was angry. "Yes sir, my mother has access to all the information of police employees and Holly's job falls under her jurisdiction." Gail glanced at me before continuing. "When she found out Holly and I were dating, she needed to ensure Holly's worthiness of dating a Peck. According to my mother, we are a super group only worthy of few people." Gail forced a laugh, it caused me to smile even though I knew Gail didn't find the situation amusing. "She did it to find out about Holly, also to show power and pull with the department." Gail chewed on her lip not meeting my parent's eyes.

"Its fine dad, Gail and I have discussed everything." I tried to play it off aware that when It came to my parents that this conversation was far from over. "It's been 15 years since we moved. I was 3 when they died, why any would come after me now, nearly 30 years later is beyond me." I smiled when I felt Gail's fingers return to their lazy pattern making on my hip. "Gail's a cop, she's one of the good guys, and she'll look out for me." The stillness that had fallen over the room became tense; I had been waiting for this atmosphere all night. "We just worry, doc." my mom murmured defeated, She had supported me unconditionally my entire life. "We should be going now; I have a date with my friends from high school!" Bailey stood up abruptly ending our conversation. The move to Toronto caused a rift between my parents and Bailey, one that had just recently mended. "As always doc, wonderful seeing you. Stop hiding stuff from the rents and keep a hold on that girl." Bailey laughed in a faux authoritative tone. "Will do." I nodded, standing to hug her.

My parents followed Bailey out, but not before pulling Gail into what may have been the most awkward hug I have ever witnessed. "Call be when you're back to Boston." I called before closing the front door and locking it. A little too excited to have them gone. "Who knew you were so good with parents." I pulled Gail to me by her belt loops. "I wanted them to like me." Gail watched my hands. "They love you." I laughed, lifting the back of her shirt to feel her skin. "I'm sorry about the background check." she chewed on her lip coming closer to me. Having her in my space made me dizzy, we were breathing the same air, and I just needed to feel her.

"Don't be, you didn't run it. Your mother did, and she's my boss, I can't complain." I wrapped my arms around her, letting the smell of gunpowder and honey envelope me. "You smell incredible." I mutter before kissing her neck. "I know I do." She retorted, her cocky vibrato back in full swing.

"Thank you for dealing with my family, I know we didn't plan that." Happy to have my Gail back, not that I disliked sweet Gail, but this Gail was my favorite. The cocky smile coupled with her quick comebacks made my heart flip. "A. the food was delicious" she laughed quickly kissing me. "B. I am hopelessly in love with their daughter it would be weird if they hated me." Gail kissed me before pulling back to look at me with a wicked grin. "Now, you have 10 minutes while I fix us a drink to be the naked one waiting in the tub as promised." Gail smacked my ass as she made her way back to the kitchen. "Yes ma'am" I laughed and ran upstairs, leaving a trail of clothes leading to the bathroom.

I quickly ran a hot bath, lighting a few candles, I had settled into the water when Gail walked in, completely naked, caring two glasses with her. "God your sexy" I let my eyes rake over her, her long, lean legs, toned stomach and pert pink nipples. "You too." Gail grinned, handing me both glasses before easing her way into the tub in front of me. "Mmhhm" she sighed, leaning back into me, her hands finding the tops of my thighs on either side of her. Her touch nearly caused me to drop both glasses; I wouldn't last seconds if she touched me in the right places. Judging the current direction of her hands, that is exactly her intention. "I've missed you." Gail breathed, her head resting back on my shoulder.

she slipped her hands to the insides of my thighs and I lost my ability to form words, her fingers found my clit in record time causing me to jump. "You ok?" Gail asked, her voice laced with concern. "I'm just" I fumbled trying to find the words I needed. "I'm just sensitive; there has been a lot of teasing this week." I set the glasses on the small shelf near the tub, before wrapping my arms around her. The texting had escalated to extremely descriptive sexting fueling an already uncontrollable need. I had never sexted before, and I never thought I would enjoy it. "Wanna go to bed?" Gail's tone dropped,. "No" I smiled, running my hands along her stomach, almost 100% positive I had lost the use of my legs. I reached down to spread her legs, allowing me to participate. "Good, I want you right here." Gail turned her head and kissed along my neck. I was lost in feeling her, her lips, her hands, and her body.

* * *


	13. Unlocking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SMUT

**Gail**

As a police officer I had been trained to be observant, I noticed the small changes, every detail. Apparently those skills were less honed in my personal life, I had no idea how long it had been there, 20 minutes ago, that is when I noticed it, ok I didn't just notice it, I almost broke it off in my door. Sharp and shiny with a weird zombie key cover attached to it sitting between my house key and the key to my car. The only thing I was sure of is that the new key had been there for days at least, since I had last seen Holly.

My erratic shifts had taken their toll, I had spent a few drugged up days with her, but really, that has been the extent of our real time together the last few weeks. I had met her family, just as we were settling into bed for the night for much overdue naked time; we had both been called into work. This was officially week 4 of my crazy shifts, straight nights; I was ready to quit being a cop to just spend a couple of uninterrupted days with my girlfriend.

After my long shift stuck in a van with Dov on surveillance, I was home and determined to stay awake. I had plans to meet Holly at the penny in 3 hours and I knew if I laid down, I would be asleep for days. So here I sat, as the kitchen table with a fresh cup of coffee observing the keys. "Gail, everything ok?" Dov asked, opening the fridge. "Hmm?" I asked, shaking my head, glancing up at him. "You're staring at your keys like they are going to grow legs and walk away." Dov shook his head, pulling a water out and downing almost half of it. "Chloe is on her way over." he grinned, knowing that would annoy the crap out of me. "Do you and Tinkerbelle have nowhere better to be, does she not have an apartment?" I asked, getting up to make another pot of coffee shoving the keys into the back pocket of my jeans.

* * *

**Dr. Hot Stuff: Babe, I am running late, I don't think I'll make it to the penny**

Great, now I wasn't going to see Holly tonight, I was tempted to walk the 5 blocks to the morgue and hang out with her but I didn't think that was a good idea considering I had just finished my third beer. As Holly loved to point out, tipsy and drunk Gail tended to be handsy.

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: can you send me a picture at least? I'm starting to forget what you look like**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: Thank Tracie, she brought in some last minute rush order blood samples on the triple murder.**

**Dr. Hot Stuff: {1 photo attachment}**

I smiled at the scrunched up face Holly was doing in the picture holding up an evidence bag. God she was cute. I looked up as Tracie and Steve walked into the bar. "So what, you get to go out with your boyfriend while you make my girlfriend work over time?" I asked leaning on the bar next to her annoyed that Holly had to bail. "Hi Gail" Traci laughed sipping her water looking over a specials menu. "We came to get something to eat and we are headed back to the station. Our asses are on the line with this case." she sighed flagging the bartender down. "I'll cover her tab." Tracie laughed, rolling her eyes at me before placing their dinner order. She may not have rolled her eyes; I was so tired that I could have hallucinated that.

"Only kinda makes up for it." I shrugged chewing on my straw. "You have a 5 day weekend Gail; I'm sure waiting a few hours to see Holly won't kill you." Tracie smiled gesturing to a table near the door.

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: You don't work tomorrow right?**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: Maybe we can grab a late lunch if you aren't caught up at work too late?**

"I hate you still" I pocketed my phone watching Steve talk to Dov and Andy. "Can I ask you something?" I sighed, pulling my keys out of my pocket aimlessly playing with the new addition. "Gail Peck asking me a question, to what do I owe the honor?" Tracie gasped before she glanced down at my hand. "You should be honored." I muttered placing the keys on the table between us. "When did you and Steve exchange keys?" I asked, feeling my phone go off, I wanted to answer it but I also needed to know Tracie's answer.

"You have exchanged keys right?" I was starting to second-guess this whole conversation. "A month after we declared that we were really dating." Tracie shrugged picking my keys up. "Did Holly give this to you?" she asked, eyeing the stupid zombie face. "A month, you trusted my brother after a month of dating to know he should get a key!?" I held my hand out for my keys, feeling a little weird. "He's a detective Gail, and your brother. And yes, I trust him." She put my keys in my hand and my phone vibrated again.

"I don't know if Holly gave me the key per say." I gave in; the downside of loving Holly was the present new inability to keep up my guard when talking about her. "The damn thing just showed up, I guess like a week ago, I noticed it this afternoon when I was trying to get into the frat house." I picked up my drink downing the rest of the warm liquid. "We never talked about it; I don't know if I should use it, if it's for emergencies." I sighed falling onto the table with a thud. Why did this whole emotion thing have to keep happening, Holly was making me soft.

"Gail, wake up." Tracie laughed, touching my shoulder. "You spend every free night you have at her place, you love her." Traci sounded like she did not know what to say. "She doesn't want to scare you, a key is a big step in a relationship, and given your track record, fighting during the first I love you's, I'm sure she didn't want to freak you out." Tracie tapped my shoulder and I looked up at her, there was a new drink in front of me as well as a stack of Styrofoam containers. "We have to get back to the station, but don't freak out, I'm sure it's not an emergency only key." Tracie laughed before standing up. "Close her tab" Tracie pointed at me then walked over to find Steve.

I guess she was right; we hadn't really had a smooth transition between stages in our relationship. As much as I loved her and wanted to be with Holly, some of the stages scared me. I fished my phone out of my pocket and saw Holly's name on the screen showing I had 10 unread texts.

**10:56 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: you have to have noticed the new addition to your keys by now**

**11:04 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: it's a piece of brass that prevents you from banging on my door at 6 in the morning.**

**11:13 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: you don't have to use it.**

**11:16 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: maybe we should have talked about this before I just put it on your keys.**

**11:17 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: you could, you know, be there at my place when I get off of work**

**11:20 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: but only if you want to be there**

**11:26 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: don't freak out, you can give the key back**

**11:30 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: I just thought….**

**11:31 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: please don't be upset about the key**

**11:36 PM Dr. Hot Stuff: Gail?**

"SHIT" I muttered typing out a quick response; I had been talking to Tracie for longer than I had thought.

**11:38 PM You Can Cuff Me Any Time: Sorry I was thanking Tracie for making you work late**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: you know how to hide a body right; I mean you have all those fancy degrees**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I'm not freaking out I promise**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: see you when you get home**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: {1 photo attachment}**

I took a quick picture of the keys on a napkin with a happy face drawn on it. As much as I wanted to be freaking out, Tracie was right, this was the next step and really, I just wanted to see Holly like an adrenaline junky. I saw Chris walking towards the exit and I ran after him throwing a 20 on the bar. "Chris!" I ran up to him and he eye me, he was no longer the fresh faced rookie, the guy that I had dated that first year in the force, he had changed, and none of us could quite place the differences. "Yeah?" he asked, gripping his keys.

"Can you drop me at Holly's?" I asked, playing with my keys. Things had been different between us, and it felt a little weird asking him for a favor. "Uh, yeah, sure." he muttered walking to his truck. We drove to Holly's in silence, I wasn't sure where to start, how to talk to him anymore. "Thanks" I smiled, stepping out of his truck. "No problem" he smiled and drove away before I could say anything else. I guess Dov and I had both been too caught up in our own relationships to really hang out much anymore.

**Dr. Hot Stuff: last of it in the mass spec, I'll be home in 90 mins tops**

I smiled at my phone from the outside of Holly's flat; I had been staring at the door for a few minutes trying to will the door to open. I didn't want to use the key, not yet at least. "I don't think she's home" Holly's neighbor said, walking past me with his bulldog. "Thanks" I mumbled finally putting the key in the deadbolt feeling it click into place.

I had clothes here, a toothbrush, a spare uniform, a side of the bed, and most of all a stash of cheese puffs and tequila. I loved Holly's flat, it was modern, inviting, and lacked the smell of dirty boy. I walked around aimlessly turning lights on and off as I went. I was exhausted, I had been up for 28 hours; living on coffee and the buzz under my skin knowing Holly would be home soon. I went upstairs and decided to change into pajamas, well Holly's pajamas that I had claimed on the first night I slept over. A well-worn grey t-shirt and black sweats, I studied her bed and smiled to myself, I had three favorite places in the world, on the shooting range, in Holly's arms, and Holly's bed in the sun warmed sheets because she slept with the curtains drawn

* * *

I woke up to the sound of the shower running in the in suite bathroom, I stretched and looked at the alarm clock, it was just before 3 AM. I must have been asleep for 2 hours or so. I stretched, rolling over to bury my face in Holly's pillow, my limbs heavy with the weight of sleep. This was almost like our normal morning routine when I stayed over, Holly was the first out of bed, and she always started the coffee before getting into the shower while I slept cuddled to her pillow.

I smiled when I felt the bed, sinking next to me, feeling Holly's weight press against my side. "Lift your hips" she breathed into my neck and in my sleepy daze, I lifted off the bed feeling the comforter move from under me. "I love you." Holly kissed me softly as she wrapped the comforter around both of us. "You smell nice" I pulled her closer, trying to absorb her warmth and smell. "Showers do wonders" Holly let out a soft laugh before kissing me again. "Let's get some sleep." Holly settled as I tried to attach myself to her, burrowing my head into the pillow under her while wrapping my arms around her. It had been over a week since I had slept in her bed, in her arms, god I had missed it.

* * *

The moan that escaped my lips startled me awake; my body was on fire in the best possible way. "Oh god." I moaned instinctively reaching down, grasping Holly's hair. "Good morning." she smiled up at me for a moment before sucking my clit back into her mouth. "Oh." I felt my hips come off the bed as her tongue ran in lazy circles over my clit. My skin was burning and I couldn't seem to stop from trying to force Holly closer. "Baby" I moaned, feeling the fire start to smolder in my center. "Mhhm" I whimpered, trying to hold back to enjoy this feeling a little while longer. Holly seemed to sense my tipping point; her languid moments became more determined.

My hips hadn't touched the sheets since I woke up. "Baby" seemed to vibrate through every part of me as Holly slipped two fingers into me. This was ecstasy, every fiber of my being was screaming for Holly to keep going. "Fuck!" I almost screamed when I felt her fingers curl searching for the switch that instantly catapulted me over the edge. The fire quickly blazing as I tried to find my breath. "Morning" Holly smiled, kissing my neck as she settled on top of me. "Morning" I muttered, still trying to catch my breath. "Wanna know a secret?" Holly asked, her fingers finding their way under my shirt. "Hmm?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her once I could move again. "I really like coming home to you in my bed" Holly let out a laugh as her fingers traced shapeless patterns on my hip. "It felt weird." I wrapped my legs around her.

"I've never been here without you." I pulled her close to me slowly working her shirt up her back. "But" I smiled, allowing Holly to sit up enough to take off her shirt. "I really like waking up to you getting into bed." I let my fingers run along the expanse of the tan skin of Holly's back. "And if waking up like this replaces an alarm clock." I smiled as she swatted at my arm. "I love you." I kissed her feeling as she settled on top of me. "I could get used to this" I laughed, running my fingers along the inside of her sleep shorts.

"You can" Holly breathed grinding her hips into me, I couldn't help but moan, my body was still on fire. "God you feel good" I kissed her again, feeling a need to bring her into the same state of bliss I was currently floating in. with the stress of the last month or so these moments had been rare. I craved Holly in a way I had craved no one else, her skin, her smell, the sound of her moaning. I was soon finding out that it was harder and harder to spend long periods without her.

Holly was lying next to me, tangled in the sheets a lazy smile playing at the corners of her lips. "God I've missed you in my bed." Holly laughed looking at me before covering her face with her hands. "Don't take off running." Holly fought the sheets to settle across me. "Why would I take off running?" I asked, stretching before trying to burrow into the comforter. This morning's activities had worn me out; I was hoping Holly wasn't going to want to do productive things today because I wanted to cuddle on the couch. "It's an open offer, for when you're ready." Holly seemed to Gail 40 pounds as she spread out on the bed pinning me beneath her. "When you're ready to, I want you to move in, because I love waking up with you here, and you being here when I get home." Holly watched me with worried eyes and I smiled.

"I like this too" I smoothing her disheveled hair. "I love you hol, I love this, and I love us, but ima need to give the boys some notice" I smiled loving the idea of living with Holly. The key freaked me out, but the idea of living with Holly, that didn't scare me. "Yay" Holly laughed not moving from across me. "Ima nap now" I laughed, closing my eyes.

"Your cute when you nap." Holly giggled and I opened an eye and watched her. "When have you watched me nap?" I asked, scratching my head, knowing my hair was a horrible mess. "Tracie took a picture of your nap at the penny last night; she said you just kinda passed out on the table for a moment." Holly laughed reaching for her phone on the nightstand. The picture showing on Holly's screen was just that, me asleep across the table at the penny with Steve, Andy, and Dov making faces behind me. "That explains some stuff" I laughed, giving her back her phone.

I was no longer a cat in a tree, I wasn't trying to create emergency situations, and I was happy and content to sleep in my new home. "Hols" I breathed, trying to pull her off me, but keeping her in my arms. "I'm no longer a cat" I muttered, feeling myself falling asleep. "I think" I yawned, "I think I'm home."

* * *


	14. PERFECT STORM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song related Brad Paisley Perfect Storm
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the song!

**HOLLY**

Our group occupied a rather large booth in the bar Chloe had suggested, the majority agreeing that leaving the Penny for a night would do us all some good, we needed new scenery. "A country bar Chloe!?" Gail rolled her eyes, leaning into my side. "They have a bull Gail; this is going to be amazing!" Chloe called before following Dov and Andy to the bar. The sign over the bar read cop night; they were hosting part of the Toronto Cop Appreciation Week festivities.

"Holly, why did you agree to bring me out to a country bar?" Gail asked, turning to glance at me before eyeing the bar. "Why is this my fault?" I asked, pinching her side causing her to squirm. "Might I remind you that you agreed to the new bar idea before I did, so that means it's your fault." Gail grinned quickly kissing my cheek. "I only agreed because I lost that stupid card game to Dov." I rolled my eyes at her, losing that bet to Dov had cost us more than our normal trip to the penny; it also meant that I would be agreeing with his choices for the next week.

Tracie and Steve slid into the bench across from us setting down a tray of beers and shots. "Why are we not at the penny?" Steve asked dividing the drinks and setting them in front of us. "The Penny is getting old." Tracie cut in before I could fess up to my loss. "But a country bar?" Steve made a face at Tracie before pointing to the shots he had set down. "We need to be drunk for this!" he laughed, picking up a shot in each hand and waiting for the rest of us to follow his lead. "We need to be drunk for everything Steve." Gail laughed, sitting up to pick up her shots. "Are you sure Duncan is going to DD tonight?" I asked eyeing the shots. "Yeah, he picked the short straw; if he wants to tag along he has to play by the rules." Tracie smiled raising a shot towards me. "fine." I sighed, falling to the pressure raising my shot glasses in the air.

"Here's to those who wish us well, those who don't can go to hell!" Steve and Gail shouted in unison before we downed the shots as quickly as possible. My shot glass had barely left my lips when Gail leaned in to kiss me. "Perfect chaser." She smiled, licking her lips before turning to greet the group coming back from the bar. "Starting without us?!" Dov asked, pointing to the discarded glasses on the table. "It's a country bar Dov. Gail rolled her eyes picking up her beer and smiling. "Well we grabbed shots for everyone, so one more?" Andy asked setting a tray on the table with a grin. "I'm not 22 anymore." I complained when Gail placed another shot in front of me. "We have the weekend off, we have nurse your hangover in the morning." She smiled putting the shot glass in my hand.

"Everyone have a drink?!" Sam asked before grinning. "Here's to those who've seen us at our best and have seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference." He called out and we all downed the whiskey that filled out glasses. "Not so bad." Gail laughed before kissing me again. "My liver is going to hate me tomorrow." I complained sipping my beer, I tried to limit my outings with the group, they always left me with a two-day hangover, and police officers drank more than frat guys did.

Everyone crowded into the booth once the alarming number of shot glasses had been cleared and new beers had been handed out. "Don't forget rent is due tomorrow." Dov laughed from across the table to Gail. "Have I ever forgotten!?" Gail asked, shaking her head at him. "Why are you still paying rent?" I asked, letting my lips bush over Gail's ear, over a month ago all of her clothes, books, games, and movies had migrated into my flat. Our flat considering She now lived with me, a fact that still made me giddy. "Because Chris relapsed, Chloe won't move in with him until her lease is up, and I can't leave him high and dry." Gail turned to look at me, she really only watched my lips. "You better not be planning to move back." I leaned forward and kissed her quickly.

"He does know that you moved out right?" I asked before scanning the bar, it was still early in the night, but there were a decent amount of familiar faces occupying tables. "Yes, he knows, he helped me move my stuff remember." She laughed resting her head on my shoulder, our conversation cut off by the hum of a mic being turned on.

"Hi everyone! I would like to thank you for coming out tonight, I know we aren't known as one of the police bars around town, but we are ecstatic to host the fine men and women of Toronto's police force. Hopefully we will be seeing more of you." the guy stood on a makeshift stage near the back of the bar. "We have some great bands playing for us tonight, I would like to welcome our first group to the stage!" he called motioning for the people standing by the stairs to join in. "A band, Chloe I'm going to kill you!" Gail reached across the table, coming just short of reaching Chloe. "Easy." I sighed, pulling Gail back against me, pinning her arms to her sides. "Don't act as if you don't love country." I smiled, handing her my full beer. Gail loved to sing along with her iPod when she showered; often the playlist included different top 20 country hits.

"That is beside the point Holly." Gail complained, taking a long pull from my beer before placing it back on the table in front of me. "We would like to invite everyone out here to dance." A rather burly man with a deep voice smiled into the mic before picking up a guitar. "Let's go!" Chloe laughed, grabbing Dov by his shirt sleeve and dragging him towards the stage. "Come on Gail!" Andy and Tracie grabbed Gail and dragged her out of the booth. "If I'm being dragged into this, so are you!" Gail grabbed my hand as we were both forced towards the stage. I did not complain, I loved dancing with Gail and I took every opportunity that presented itself.

For the first few songs everyone mostly just watched the band sawing along with the beat, I kept my arms tightly wrapped around Gail s waist, pressing into her back. A familiar drumbeat started causing me to smile; they were playing our song, the song that I had done a strip tease to the night that Gail had moved in. The song that I had first heard when Gail had belted it out in the shower, Brad Paisleys Perfect Storm.

"Dance with me." I breathed in her ear before the guy started singing, spinning her in my arms to face me. "Always." Gail smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck, resting her forehead on mine. More people started coupling up to dance when the first line came through the speakers bringing and uncontrollable smile to my lips.

_If she was a drink_   
_She'd be a single-barreled_   
_Bourbon on ice_   
_Smooth with a kick_   
_A chill and a burn all_   
_At the same time_

_She's Sunday drive meets_   
_High speed chase_   
_She ain't just a song_   
_She's the whole mix tape_   
_She's so complicated_   
_That's the way God made her_   
_Sunshine mixed with_   
_A little hurricane_

I smiled, listening to Gail singing along with the song, resting her head on my shoulder. The guy singing had nothing on Gail, but the lyrics still stood out. This song made my heart beat faster when I wasn't around Gail, remembering how much I loved her. "I love you." Gail breathed kissing just below my ear; I pulled her closer to me forgetting that we were in a crowded bar "I love you too." I muttered swaying with her.

_And she destroys me in that t-shirt_   
_And I love her so much it hurts_   
_I never meant to fall like this_   
_She don't just rain she pours_   
_That girl right there's_   
_The perfect storm_

_I know how to make her laugh_   
_Or blush, or mad at me_   
_But that's OK there ain't no one_   
_More beautiful angry_

_And she loves just as deep_   
_As she goes when she's down_   
_The highs match the lows_   
_Can't have one without the other_   
_And I love her just the way_   
_God made her_   
_Sunshine mixed with_   
_A little hurricane_

The song ended bringing me out of my daze; still smiling I pulled away from Gail and laughed. "Country bars play our song." I leaned in to kiss her quickly before bringing her back to our booth. "I still don't want to be here." Gail laughed sliding into the corner pulling me back against her, her leg resting against the back of the bench. I caught Tracie staring at us with a smile before she followed Steve to the bar, leaving the dancing area that had quickly filled up.

Steve looked back at us and held up his hand signing something to fast for me to understand it; Gail quickly held up two fingers and nodded. "Refills." She laughed wrapping her arms around my waist. "This time last year." Gail smiled, kissing my temple. "Did you think that we would be dancing in a country bar, living together, and getting along with my friends?" Gail asked leaning down to kiss my shoulder. "I wanted this with you." I laughed only sitting up when Tracie and Steve came back to the booth. "You two are sickening, stop being so in love." Steve laughed, setting two beers in front of us. "shut up." Gail glared flicking a straw wrapper at him before moving to sit properly on the bench.

"So you're going to be there tomorrow, right?" Tracie asked, ignoring the signing battle that seemed to be taking place next to us. "I have been summoned, I don't seem to have a choice in the matter." I laughed sipping my beer trying to slow my own pace, the shots from before were slowly clouding my mind. "How have you managed to Date Gail for a year and move in together without being required at the monthly family dinners?!" Tracie huffed picking at the label on her beer bottle. "I had been on 2 official dates with Steve when my summons came in the form of an official letterhead." Tracie cringed looking back at Steve, who now reached over the table trying to slap Gail's hands.

"Luck, according to Gail, but then again, she did a full background check on me 6 months ago, she knew we were dating." I shrugged, tomorrow would be my first official Peck dinner, when I would be formally introduced to Bill and Elaine Peck. The invitation had been hand delivered to my office by Superintendent Peck's assistant, along with lunch from my favorite Italian restaurant (that I had been too afraid to eat in case it had been poisoned).

"Stop!" Steve slapped Gail's hand drawing my attention back to the pair who were glaring at each other. "Do you have to act like a 3 year-old Steve?" Tracie laughed taking his hand in hers. "What, no, I'm not a three year old, she started it!" he complained refusing to meet Tracie's eyes. "Fat chance." Gail grinned sticking her tongue out at him. "Come on; let's grab the next round before they head back to the table." I laughed, pulling Gail towards the bar and away from her brother and Tracie. "What was that about?" I asked, trying to get the bartender's attention. "Steve is planning on proposing to Tracie at tomorrow's dinner, it is the worst idea I have ever heard Holly!" Gail groaned leaning back against the bar. "Does Tracie know about this?" I asked, seeing Nick and Juliet walk into the bar with Duncan not far behind them. "Nope." Gail let the P pop before turning to wave down the Bartender who turned around instantly. "Can I have 10 beers, 10 shots and a pitcher of water and cups!?" Gail asked with a deceiving grin before turning back to me.

"So tomorrow night is going to be a disaster?" I asked pinching the bridge of my nose. "Not if we can get drunk enough tonight to stay drunk until dinner is over tomorrow." Gail grinned flagging Duncan down. "Gerald! Just the guy I wanted to see, here take this!" She quickly shoved a tray of beers into his hand before turning to grab the pitcher of water. "Why are you just standing there!" she huffed pushing him towards the booth, I prayed that he didn't drop the tray. "Tab!?" the bartender asked setting the tray of shots down and Gail quickly fished out some cash and handed it to him. "Let's go!" she laughed working her way back towards the table everyone once again crowded. Yep, my liver would definitely hurt in the morning, I thought as I downed another shot and drank the rest of my beer.

* * *


	15. Twists and Turns

**HOLLY**

I woke up late the next day trying to decide what I disliked more, the sunlight that begrudgingly filled the room; my head that felt like a large construction crew worked jackhammering at my skull, or my body currently sore in places I had never been sore in. Every movement I attempted no matter how small set off a series of explosions in my brain. The close and abrasive sound of the blender reminded me why my eyes had opened. I slowly sat up attempting to minimize my movements, moving caused pain, and nausea. "Gail!" I groaned, realizing I wasn't in bed; I currently occupied our living room couch. The blender became louder causing the pain in my head to multiply. "Gail!" I yelled my mouth felt dry and my voice scratchy as if I had spent the entire night screaming.

"Dr. Stewart, sorry, I wasn't aware that you were sleeping on the couch." Robin, my lab assistant walked into the living room, with a guilty smile. "Robin, why are you in my house?" I leaned forward, trying my best to not throw up. Never in my history of hangovers had I felt this sick after a night of drinking. "Everyone is home." Gail called before the front door slammed, the slamming caused me to jump and groan, I couldn't figure out why my back hurt and why my right hand felt tender. "Glad your up." Gail sounded oddly animated; I could hear the smile in her voice as she walked into the living room. "How ya feeling there champ?" her hand came to rest on my back once she sat on the couch. "No, no touching, everything hurts." I complained, leaning back to squint at her. "How is it that you look fine!?" I whined, Gail's hair had been brushed down, she didn't appear to have a hangover, she looked fresh faced and energized. "I took the stragglers home, and I also didn't drink as much as you did during your victory rotation." Gail smiled before reaching out for whatever Robin held.

"Drink this, Robin swears by it." Gail handed me a glass filled with a pale gray goop. "Once again why's Robin here?" I asked smelling the concoction that filled the glass, not completely repulsed by the sweet aroma. "What do you remember from last night?" Gail picked up her iPad and placed it face down on her lap before meeting my eyes. "I remember dancing with you to our song, and we ordered drinks, and Chloe came back with shots before making Andy ride the bull." I muttered sipping the smoothie, I could distinguish honey, banana, and almonds, and there were a few other flavors I couldn't place but overall it seemed to be reducing my nausea.

"Let's see." Gail leans back against the couch. "Juliet made a joke about straight girls being better at riding the bull since they robe guys, and you made an offhand gold star lesbian comment about lesbians riding better." Gail shook her head showing me a picture of myself on her iPad; wearing a cowboy hat sitting on top of the mechanical bull. "You beat their time, and on your third victory ride you fell off and landed on the operator." Gail showed me a series of pictures and I cringed. "You will also notice that your hand's bruised this morning." Gail grinned, pointing at my knuckles; that were an angry purple color. "When you joined us back at the bar you took 4 shots, made Duncan drink the 6 shots you couldn't finish, and to top it all off you punched nick in the face for making a Gail could ride better than you joke. Juliet also punched him I didn't find that nearly as amusing as your jealous streak though." Gail showed me a picture of Nick's black eye, shaking with laughter.

"The bar owner gave you a trophy, it's sitting on the counter." Gail swiped to a new picture, I sat on Duncan's shoulders, holding the trophy over my head, Lesbians Ride Better had been written across the top in black sharpie. "You drank maybe 4 beers and called Robin to bring us home claiming Robin owed you a favor and drove the world's biggest minivan. Robin's here because she wins intern of the year and because you got our DD black out drunk." Gail set her iPad on the coffee table, a smug grin plastered on her face. "I hate you." I groaned lying back on the couch, too tired to deal with her joy from my drunken antics. "But to be fair, you should shower. We're supposed to be at my parents' house in 3 hours." Gail gently squeezed my thigh and stood up. "We're supposed to be there at 7." I complained, feeling my stomach settle down. "Yeah, and to be there at seven we need to leave by 6, and it's already 4." Gail laughed high fiving Robin on her way to the kitchen.

"I owe you no other favors Dr. Stewart, I have a video confession from you saying that!" Robin called before I heard the front door close, I could hear her laughing, I wondered what other information she would hold over me from here on out. "Take these, drink the rest of this, and get your butt in the shower." Gail handed me a few pills and refilled my cup with the remaining contents of the blender. "I'll make toast when you come down." Gail helped me off the couch, a smile playing on the corn of her lips. "I'm never drinking with you again." I groaned, slowly making my way up the stairs.

* * *

I watched out the window as Gail drove through the large iron gates of the community her parents lived in. I couldn't understand the need for such a large house when the couple lived alone. I thought my apartment had been too large for only Gail and me, but we often had people staying over be it our friends or family. From what Gail and Steve had explained no one visited the Sr. Pecks, they host annual Christmas parties and other diners, but the house never hosted guests for longer than a few hours.

"You ok nerd, you're being quiet?" Gail asked, glancing at me before parking behind Steve's sports car. In front of us stood a two story McMansion; I knew it had six bedrooms, a formal living room and dining room as well as a theater, pool, and five bathrooms. From the outside, nothing distinguished the house from every other house on the block, picture frame windows, manicured lawns, and pristine flower beds. "I'm nervous." I muttered, watching the front door. I had never been nervous meeting parents, generally, parents loved me, but the Pecks terrified me. The stories from not only Gail and Steve but from Dov, Tracie, and Chris had worked me up into a nervous wreck.

"We can leave, we don't have to go in." Gail reached over and took my hand. "We can have them over; or you never have to meet them." Gail's thumb ran along the back of my hand, I turned to watch her, the smiled played on her lips almost begging me to ask her to turn around and head home. Gail hated these monthly dinners, she avoided her mother with an impressive effort. "We're here already, we should head inside." I nodded before moving to climb out of the jeep. Gail followed my lead knocking on the back window of Steve's car before pulling me into her arms. "Glad to see you're upright." Steve smiled, walking over to open the door for Tracie. "I've seen the pictures; don't remind me of last night, please." I cringed leaning into Gail, the smoothie Robin had made significantly dulled my hangover, there were still lingering symptoms though.

"Would you prefer that your dinner be served out here?" A male voice called from the door, the overhead light created a shadow over his face I knew it had to be Bill Peck. "No, sir." Gail took a deep breath and kissed my cheek as the four of us walked towards the large front door of the house. "I love you." Gail breathed against my ear once we had stepped into the front room. "You have been sitting in the driveway long enough." A woman called from farther into the house, the front room stood devoid of family pictures and warmth, the gray paint felt cold and uninviting.

"Sorry mom, we just wanted to all walk in together." Steve led the way towards the kitchen. "Wonderful for you to finally enter." Elaine nodded, wiping her hands on a towel before hugging Steve and Tracie. Elaine Peck's hair was tied back into an immaculate bun, wearing a pressed and starched salmon button up shirt, slacks and heeled boots. "Holly I would like to introduce you to my parents, Superintendent and Inspector Peck." Gail nodded politely towards her mother; I took note that Elaine made no effort to greet Gail, her eyes scanned over her face and clothing, I felt as if she were meeting Gail for the first time. "This is my girlfriend Dr. Holly Stewart."

"Thank you for inviting me to dinner, you have a lovely home." I held my hand out to greet them. "It was time to meet the woman taking up our daughter's time." Elaine nodded; shaking my hand, nothing appeared motherly or friendly, I felt like the unexpected guest rather than the required attendee. Every movement she made appeared to be calculated, after standing in their home for only a few minutes I understood why Gail often called her The Drone. "It is lovely to meet you Holly." Bill smiled politely shaking my hand before motioning towards the bar on the other side of the room.

"Can I fix you a drink?" he motioned for me to follow him as Elaine led them out of the kitchen. Gail nodded quickly before turning the corner, leaving me alone with her father. "Gail tells me you enjoy bourbon?" Bill held a bottle out to me to examine before pulling out five lowball glasses and adding whiskey stones to them. "This looks lovely sir." I nodded, handing the bottle back to him, wondering if my stomach would allow the continued abuse. "Don't let Elaine intimidate you, I assure you she has Gail's best interest in mind, but she has an odd way of showing it, and please call me Bill." He held out two glasses to me, each filled with a generous amount of bourbon. "Thank you Bill." I accepted the glasses and followed him towards the lounge where everyone had migrated.

Bill Peck reminded me of Steve, his cool smile and kind eyes, Gail adored her father and spoke to him often. When I told Gail about the invitation that had shown up at my office she explained that dinner would be extremely uncomfortable and tense. Elaine's intention would be to upset Gail, and that her dad never intervened or prevented her actions. The idea that no one had defended Gail against her mother's attacks made my stomach clench, I could not understand why a mother would deliberately attack her children.

Gail sat on the couch with Steve and Tracie, her eyes trained on the coffee table between her and her mother. The stillness of the room felt as if we had interpreted a private conversation. Gail smiled up at me when I held the glass out to her making my presence known. "Thank you." She accepted the glass and moved to make room for me to sit down; Tracie and Steve sat a foot apart both of them staring out the front window. I wondered what conversation I had just missed. "Gail, you should let me set you up with my hair dresser, you need a haircut and a touch up on your color." Elaine studied Gail's face before peering at me. Her eyes trailed over my face and my clothes, causing every hair on my body stood on end, a physical reaction that only happened when I fleet threatened. "Holly, please tell us about yourself?" Elaine asked, appearing displeased when Gail rested her arm along the back of the couch behind me.

I bit into my cheek to prevent the laugh from escaping my lips, of all questions I had expected I during our meeting, a self-explanation did not top the list. Elaine Peck knew about my life, I assumed she knew more than I knew about myself, I also knew that Elaine had no idea that I had read Gail's File. "I'm the Senior Forensic Pathologist working for 15." I felt Gail's hand on my shoulder simply resting there, she was trying to calm my nerves. "I've lived in Toronto for nearly 10 years, Born in Vancouver, I went to school in the states." I felt Elaine train her gaze on Gail's hand. She sat in a high back armchair flanking a rather large glass side table with Bill sitting on the opposite side of the table in a matching chair.

"Do you enjoy your work?" Bill asked, crossing his legs, Bill's question felt purely inquisitive, they lacked the authoritative tone of Elaine's leading interrogation. "I love my work, the medical field is fascinating." I nodded, feeling Gail's thumb run along the hymn of my collar, her nail gently grazing my skin. "Wonderful, if you love your job you will never work a day in your life." Bill nodded and sipped from his glass, I wondered if Bill had read my background check, if her entire family had been queued in on my family history and life.

"Why did your family leave Vancouver?" Elaine's question caused me to nearly choke on my drink, Gail and Steve had to inherit their interrogation skills from her, she used the same ambush technique that Steve had demonstrated. "Mother." Gail hissed, her posture stiffening, her hand felt heavier on my shoulder. "Gail I didn't ask you, I asked Holly." Elaine's eyes never left my face, her expression remained cold and unforgiving. "My parents moved our family here to be closer to their families." I tried to control my expression. Steve had told me over coffee a few days after my summons appeared that Elaine loved to play her own version of cat and mouse. Tracie tried to warn me of her cold nature, that Tracie dreaded the dinners as much as Gail and Steve, that Elaine used the dinners to display her disappointment in her children. "That must have been important for them considering they left their jobs." Elaine's eyes searched my face, waiting for a sign that she had worked her way under my skin that I would indulge her need to dig into my life.

"Family always comes first Ma'am. Choosing to move across the country and leaving their jobs to be closer to their siblings and parents would have never been considered a sacrifice." I smiled surveying the room, the house appeared to be staged nothing in the room gave off an impression of the people who lived inside. I had never been into a house that had lacked personal touches, family pictures, or items that could be used as conversation pieces. I wondered what Steve and Gail's rooms had been like growing up, if they were allowed to hang up posters or collect books and toys.

"Dinner is ready." Elaine nodded before quickly standing to walk back towards the kitchen effectively ending our conversation. "Dad, can you please make her act human!?" Gail groaned standing up and holding her hand out to me, apparently un-phased by her mother's tone and disappointed scrutiny. "When has she ever listened to me Gail?" Bill's apologetic expression gave away his own discomfort towards his wife's behavior. Steve and Bill led us into the large dining room that housed a large table and china cabinet. "I'm sorry." Gail squeezed my hand pulling my chair out for me. "Its fine babe." I nodded before sitting down to survey the table, gray place mates topped with bone white porcelain plates and what I assumed were silver cutlery.

"We will be having a roast with grilled tomatoes, carrots, and greens." Elaine emerged from the kitchen holding out a large tray. "Gail, your dinner is on the counter." Elaine placed the tray in the middle of the table before sitting in a chair that eerily resembled a thrown. "Thank you mother." Gail bit back before walking into the kitchen to grab her dinner. Even though all of them had explained how this dinner would play out, I still wanted to pull Gail into my arms and protect her.

"How are your cases, Tracie?" Elaine asked finally focusing on a new target, giving me a moment to observe her behavior with everyone else. "We have promising leads on a few cold cases, other than that I don't have much on my plate." Tracie nodded towards Elaine quickly passing a bowl filled with dinner rolls. "Mother, what is this!?" Gail walked back into the dining room, holding a salad out in front of her like a bomb. "A salad Gail, since you refuse to eat tomatoes, you have to make due." Elaine commented still watching Tracie.

"Mother I am allergic to tomatoes why must you ignore that?" Gail eyed the plate before sitting at the table. I glanced over at the salad, it appeared to be the contents of a pre-made salad bag topped with croutons and oil. "Gail, I am having a conversation with Tracie, please calm down." Elaine motioned for Tracie to continue. I wanted to tell her off, that her treatment was uncalled for and cruel. "I'm ok." Gail reached out to squeeze my thigh under the table, she could already read my mood. Gail's attitude and behavior after leaving a Peck family dinner suddenly made sense. Gail always came home defeated and guarded claiming she didn't want to discuss her family. She would pour a bowl of cereal and sit on the couch mindlessly watching TV before heading to bed, never giving me much information. She always woke up the next morning and apologized for shutting me out, turning back into the woman I cared deeply for.

"So Gail, how long will you continue this charade of being a lesbian?" Elaine asked, causing me to drop my fork, I had managed to ignore a majority of the conversation to that point. "Mother." Steve warned his grip on his silverware tightening, Tracie stared at her plate, and Bill shook his head at his wife. "I would like to know when my daughter plans to grow up , I have every right." Elaine commented watching Gail push the salad around her plate. "Mother, I love Holly. I am growing up, I promise you that this is not a phase." Gail retorted refusing to look at her mother, her gaze fixed on the wall behind Steve. "You've said that before, with Chris and with Nick." Elaine commented before standing up and walking back into the kitchen. "We should leave." I muttered low enough for only Gail to hear, aware that Elaine's behavior had been in direct correlation to my presence in her home. "Or I should leave, she doesn't want me here Gail." I sighed, looking at my untouched food, finding it increasingly difficult to eat under such hostile circumstances.

"I'm sorry." Gail shook her head before standing up to look at her dad. "You just let her do it." Gail watched her father who would not meet her gaze. "Let's go." Gail pulled the keys out of her back pocket and shook her head at Bill. "Thank you for dinner." I nodded towards Bill before following Gail out of the house feeling the strong urge to wrap my arms around her and never let her out of my sight again.

"Hey." I tugged on her hand, causing her to stop. "I didn't think she would be that way in front of you." Gail turned and stared past me towards the house. "Want to meet us at the diner we can eat real food and forget this dinner ever happened." Steve called bringing Tracie out of the house with him, both of them watch Gail apologetically. "Where are you headed?" Elaine huffed only a few steps behind Steve. "We're leaving." Steve smiled, stood between Gail and Elaine blocking any interaction. I watched Elaine square her shoulders, prepared to fight with her children.

"Dinner is getting cold, come back inside." Elaine ordered waiting for Steve to move towards the house. "No, we're leaving and I will not be returning until you start treating Gail like your daughter and less like a stranger. You invited Holly here, to finally meet the women that Gail fell in love with and you treated both of them as if they crashed your dinner party. You reached a new low tonight and I'm ashamed that we all had to be here to witness it." Steve crossed his arms, scowling at Elaine, Tracie smiled at Steve before looking back towards Gail and me. Gail's fingers pressed into the back of my hand to an almost painful extent, but I could feel her starting to relax.

"Gail before you continue to make a mockery of this family, Understand that Holly's parents ran the most notorious drug ring in Vancouver." Elaine smiled, satisfied with her personal intrusion and abruptly turned to walk back into the house. I felt Tracie and Steve's gaze shift from Gail to me, I knew that both of them wanted to question the accusation. "Don't listen to her Gail, she's trying to get you to react." Steve reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "Fuck her." Gail shook her head dropping my hand to push her hair back, I could hear the defeated frustration in her voice.

"Can we please go home?" I walked towards my jeep, needing to distance myself from the concerned glances and inevitable inquiries regarding my past. "Yeah." Gail opened the passenger door for me, her eyes searching my face trying to gauge my mood. "I'm sorry Holly." Gail muttered before rounding the car and getting into the driver's seat, and pulling out of the driveway.

"Should I stop for dinner, we didn't eat much?" Gail asked as she merged onto the highway, my own frustration had only intensified with the growing distance from Elaine Peck. "No thank you, I don't have much of an appetite." I breathed, watching out the window, I couldn't turn to Gail I knew that I would lose my resolve and force her to drive back to her parents' house so I could lay into the woman who had taken a sledge hammer to my girlfriend's heart.

The drive back home for the most part remained silent except for the sporadic apology that escaped Gail's lips. I watched the streets pass by through the window wondering what I had been missing. Growing up I never felt the need to dig into my past, I never asked for the police report or read the dozens of newspaper articles that followed the investigation of my birth parent's death. My parents loved me, they cared for me, and raised me as if they had birthed me. I couldn't ask for a better childhood, we had everything we could possible need, and I never felt as if a part of me had been the way Elaine treated Gail first hand made my heart hurt, the women that brought her into this world acted as if Gail only existed to adhere to her agenda.

"I'm going to put the kettle on, would you like some tea?" Gail asked once the front door had been locked behind up, walking towards the kitchen, her shoulders lacked their normal pride and posture. "No thank you, I need to catch up on my work." I nodded before walking into my office and closing the door. I needed a distraction to keep my mind off Elaine's comment that she had dug further into my past than Gail's file had led me to believe.

* * *


	16. ON THE RECORD

**HOLLY**

* * *

For the second morning in a row, I woke up on an uncomfortable couch alone instead of in my bed with Gail. After the Peck showdown last night I had only planned to calm my nerves, I definitely did not intend to fall asleep in my office. The murky gray sky outside my office window signaled the early morning, the sun had just started its ascent bring with it a new day. My glasses sat near a glass of water and a note on the coffee table, the quilt from our bedroom had been draped over my lap. Gail had checked on me at some point last night.

_You were too peaceful to wake up. 3 G._

I took my time smoothing my hair and discarding the button up shirt I had worn to last night's ambush, I had a strong urge to burn everything I had been wearing; Gail liked my jeans too much to allow for that though. After watching the sky turn a pale blue, a color that reminded me of Gail's eyes, I decided to venture out into the house. The smell of bacon and pancakes flooded my senses, reminding me of Saturday mornings when I lived at home.

"Morning Doc." My dad smiled from the kitchen tending to the griddle. "Dad." I yawned, glancing around the room, trying to determine if all of this was an elaborate dream. "Gail went to grab us coffee and syrup you were out of both." My dad pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "What are you doing here?" I asked as my mom walked out of the guestroom, her hair damp and braided, wearing a loose sweater and sweats. "Gail called us last night; she told us what happened at dinner and what her mother told you." My mom sat at the counter giving me a once over with concerned eyes. I tried my best to stretch my sore muscles, making a note to buy new couches, the two that we had were unforgiving, I suddenly felt guilty for allowing our friends to spend the night on them.

"It's time for us to talk Holly." My mom sighed, glancing towards the door when I heard Gail come in. "About what mom?" I asked, waiting for Gail to walk into the kitchen; I could hear her shoes being kicked into the wall and her keys clattering on the vanity, tell tail signs of her arrival home. "Coffee and Syrup." Gail walked into the kitchen holding out a grocery bag, her sweats hung low on her hips, her hoodie failed to meet the waistband leaving 2 inches of her hips and stomach exposed. "Thank you." my dad smiled, taking the bag from Gail and quickly busying himself preparing coffee and finishing breakfast.

"Morning." Gail stared down shyly shoving her hands into the pocket of her hoodie, her disheveled hair brought a smiled to my lips; I had fallen in love with the utmost adorable person on the planet. "Morning." I wrapped my arms around her taking a moment to let her smell calm my nerves, I felt guilty for abandoning her for the second night in a row. "What is it that you need to tell me mom?" I asked, letting Gail turn to face her before pulling her back against me, needing the contact to center me. Two nights sleeping without her in my arms felt weird, for 6 months we had shared my bed nearly every night. "Everything Doc." My mom watched Gail and me before standing up and walking back towards the guestroom, her and my father were reluctant to meet my gaze. "Shannon, we will eat breakfast first!" My dad called watching the coffee machine percolate, his voice felt hollow lacking all warmth and depth I typically felt listening to him.

"I should let you guys talk, I'll be at Steve's if you need me." Gail turned and brushed my hair out of my face, her eyes searching mine, her eyes holding apology from last night. Gail blamed herself for subjecting me to her mother's condemnatory behavior, I read the somberness of her eyes, the way she wouldn't truly meet my gaze. "Please stay, I need you here." I leaned forward to kiss her, hoping to convey my need to be near her, to not let her out of my sight. "I won't leave unless you ask me too." Gail searched my face; I could feel the apology preparing to tumble from her lips.

"Please." I breathed against her lips before kissing her, attempting to employ her own tactics; if her lips were busy she wouldn't be able to apologize. "You did nothing wrong Gail, it's not your fault." I kissed her forehead, allowing my hands to slip under the marital of her sweater pressing firmly into her back. I could feel my dad watching us, I had never been affectionate in their company, with Gail, though I felt an overwhelming need to touch her at all times.

"You should freshen up, breakfast will be ready soon and I'm sure you're both hungry." My dad smiled, turning back to the stove. I followed Gail up to our bedroom needing to change and brush my teeth. "I'm sorry; I didn't know who else would be able to help. You seemed lost last night and I feel guilty for that." Gail rambled sitting on the edge of our bed, her eyes trained on the floorboards. "Thank you." I stood in front of her running my fingers through her hair, causing it to stand up, I loved how easily Gail's hair became disheveled, how the simple gesture made her pout and quickly correct the mess.

"We will figure this out, together." I nodded before walking towards the bathroom to brush my teeth; needing a moment to collect my thoughts. I had a feeling that my entire life was about to be turned upside down, I'm not sure what to expect, I knew that I needed Gail to be with me, she's my rock and judging by my mother's apprehensive tone, I needed her to ground me so I wouldn't float away.

* * *

"Doc, we need to tell you something." My dad sat at the table across from Gail and I, my mom sat to his right playing with a palm sized cardboard box. "Holly, your adopted." My dad breathed, attempting to stifle his laugh, to him the adopted joke never lost its humor. "What's going on?" I asked, shaking my head at him; he always used humor to lead into a serious discussion. "Jason, please." My mom shook her head and set the box on the table. "Holly, we're adopting Gail." My mom laughed sliding the box towards me earning a high five from my dad. "Your records are in a safety deposit box at the Royal Canadian Bank. The Key is in there, it is in your name." My mom sighed before fixing her gaze on my dad's profile.

"We figured you would ask about your parents' or your adoption. You never did, and when we tried to bring it up you always told us you didn't want to know." My mom played with her wedding ring before looking up at me. "We love you Holly, and it's time that you learned about your adoption and your birth parents." My mom took a slow breath before standing up and walking into the kitchen. "Are you sure you're ok with me hearing all of this Hol?" Gail asked, squeezing my knee under the table; the possibility of learning about my past terrified me. Could people who have been dead for 30 years affect the woman I grew to be? "Stay, please?" I asked, lacing my fingers with hers afraid to meet her eyes, afraid that she would sense my fear and nervousness.

My mom came back to the table with four teacups and the kettle. "Cream and sugar?" she asked absently before walking back to the kitchen, she always made tea when she needed to collect her thoughts buying herself some time. "Can I help Shannon?" Gail asked, watching my mom pace in the kitchen. "No thank you sweetie, I have it." My mom nodded before returning to the table with cream and honey, she put herself to work preparing tea for each of us. Once the tea had been prepared and set in front of each of us, she finally sat down again.

"Your father and I had been trying to have a child for nearly 5 years." My mom stated, watching my dad as she spoke. "IVF and fertility treatments didn't work and when we had all but lost hope you came knocking on our front door." I had never rally asked how my parents came to adopt me, I knew that they had tried for years to have a baby and when they lost hope, I came into their lives. I watched as my dad stared into his teacup as my mom spoke, his posture unreadable.

"Your birth parents names were Iris and Dominic; they lived at the end of our street in Vancouver. We didn't know them; we had seen you playing in the yard a few times when we drove past. Holly you were the happiest baby I had ever laid eyes on." I could hear the tears in my mom's voice; her eyes never left my dad's profile as she spoke. "We weren't home when it happened; we had pulled onto the street and noticed the police and ambulances parked in front of their house. It felt like an intrusion to ask what had happened as the neighborhood crowded on the street watching the police work. The police came to our door asking us if we had a personal relationship with your parents or if we had been home a few hours before when everything happened. We couldn't give them any information. Other than the polite wave when we crossed paths we knew nothing about them." My mom wiped her eyes before finally meeting my stare, my dad's gaze stayed fixed on his teacup.

"I thought the police had come to ask more questions when our doorbell rang. I nearly screamed when I opened the door to find you, this three-year-old angel wearing a pink dress with neatly done pigtails. You were sobbing and your clothes were bloody and torn, I was afraid that you had been shot." My mom wiped her eyes again before turning towards Gail how's thumb ran a continuous pattern on the back of my hand. "We rushed you to the ER and stayed with you while they cleaned you up, you didn't have a scratch on you." My dad finally glanced up at me, his expression sad and uncertain; he reached out and took my mom's hand before speaking.

"When Social Services finally showed up, they told us that you would be put into the system. You had no living relatives and no one from your parents' circle had been found fit to care for you." My dad bit his lip, trying not to cry himself; I could see the tears in his eyes. "It broke out hearts Hol. That morning we had a doctor's appointment where they told us our chances of having a baby at that point stood to be nearly impossible. We knew that we would never have biological children, we knew the odds before starting IVF but it still hurts when the test results are conclusive." My dad shook his head and sipped from his now tepid teacup. "Jason and I had finished the classes needed to become foster parents before we started the fertility treatments, we knew that if we couldn't conceive we would adopt." My mom let out a soft laugh, I let go of Gail's hand and pulled my hair out of my face needing some semblance of space at least physically.

"We started the process that night, we knew without a doubt that we couldn't let you disappear into the system, we needed to protect you." My dad's voice drifted off as if he was reliving that night in his memories. I could feel Gail's concerned gaze, but I did my best to absorb the information, I couldn't do anything to reassure her that I would be ok. "Only after the finalization of your adoption did we learn the circumstances of your parent's deaths. It didn't change how much we loved you; you made us the happiest people on the planet every time you laughed. For years, after it happened their names and faces showed up in the paper and on the news. They headed one of the largest cartels in Canada; the shooting had been a turf war between rival Cartels. A war that had no end in sight, the police questioned you asking if you had seen the people who had killed your parents. Asking where you had gone in the two hours between the police showing up and you coming to our door, but you didn't remember anything." my mom's voice cracked and I just stared at them, unable to move, unable to speak.

"A judge suggests that your records be sealed, that your birth parents record could potentially hurt your future when applying for college and jobs." My dad eyed the box sitting in front of me. "We had copies made of everything first, we wanted to have the information if you ever asked, you never did though. The security box holds your parents' records, their death certificates, the case files from their death, and every article published following the investigation. Your adoption records are also in there, if you want to read them you can Holly. We are staying in town for a while, if you want to talk." my mom stood up and cleared the table, the tea had been forgotten each cup still full no longer steaming.

Once the table had been cleared and the kitchen had been cleaned , my parents left to visit Bailey, who had moved back to Toronto a few months ago. Gail busied herself cleaning the house, doing laundry, mopping, dusting; I was never out of reach though, her eyes followed my every move. I had no idea what to do with the key to the security box, I had no idea how to process the information I had just been given. I felt as if my parents had given me the key to a nuclear reactor, Iris and Dominic would be the devastating blow to everything I once knew. The logical side of me told me to throw the key away, that the past didn't matter. My emotional side however had become curious about the people who had brought me into the world and how they had ended up dead.

* * *


	17. Capsized

**GAIL**

**Week 1**

6 days after Jason and Shannon left for Boston I came home to find the 10x10-safety deposit box sitting on our kitchen table. Holly had been withdrawn since the conversation with her parents; two days after they had left Holly finally opened the box that held the key. On Day three she stopped answering her mother's phone calls and shut me out altogether. I desperately felt the urge to talk to her, to comfort her, I felt responsible for her current stress. The safety deposit box felt like an anchor preparing to bring down the ship, the water was deeper than the chain; anchors need the find the seabed, even if the ship goes under with it.

**Week 2**

"Nights?" I stared at Oliver in disbelief. "Yeah, the orders came from over my head kiddo, 2 weeks of nights starting Sunday." Oliver repeated before handing the schedule to me. "I should have realized this would happen, Elaine Peck." I shook my head and stalked out of his office. Backlash in my family does not come in the form of angry voice mails or the silent treatment. My work life always mirrored my family relationship, my punishments always came in the form of work duties that everyone hated. 2 weeks on nights, straight from Superintendent Peck's desk, the letterhead pissed me off.

"Peck!" Oliver called as I tried to storm into the locker room. "You may be able to switch shifts." Oliver knew that the night shift's had been issued as a punishment. "It won't work Oliver!" I shook my head and went into the locker room to change. I knew that switching my shifts would only result in a new form of torture and the people who switched with me learning the consequences.

"What's up?" Tracie asked, grabbing her bag from her locker, her eyes held the same concerned gaze that had been present since the disastrous dinner with my mother. "2 weeks on nights courtesy of superintendent peck. Who knew being with a woman could be a punishable offense in my family." I sighed folding the schedule and stuffing it into my duffle bag. "2 weeks!?" Tracie asked, sitting on the bench behind me. "Nights normally only run 3 days at a time." Tracie gawked at me, her expression as shocked as mine had initially been.

"Yep, I'm guessing this is just the start of it though. I did walk out of dinner, I'm dating a woman, and I refuse to bend to her will. 2 weeks may turn into my career, Officer Gail Peck, Night Cop." I tried to calmly unbutton my uniform shirt when really just wanted rip the buttons off. "Have you told Holly?" Tracie asked, reaching into my bag to grab the schedule. Tracie had been at the penny the last time I broke the night shift news to Holly, she had witnessed the paten Holly pout and the complaints about sleeping alone.

"Oh,that's the best part, Holly hasn't said more than  _Night Gail_ , or  _have a good day Gail_  to me in 5 days, before that I at least heard the occasional I love you, and Thank you." I laughed trying not to cry, the last 13 days had worn on my every nerve.

"I didn't realize." Tracie watched me, her eyes sad and concerned. "Yeah, I guess I deserve it for bringing her into my mother's home right, all of it is necessary punishment." I shook my head and grabbed my keys forcing them into my pocket. "Fuck it." I sighed, pulling my hoodie on over my undershirt and ripped my bag from the hook in my locker. "See you later Tracie!" I called before nearly running out of the locker room, needing to be away from the station.

By the time I had made it home, I was on the verge of tears, frustrated with work, with my mother, with my current situation with Holly. I needed a beer and to lay in my girlfriend's arms, to find a calm that had been missing for days. I hoped that I could fix my mistakes with Holly and that we could cuddle for a few hours.

I opened the door and dropped my keys on the vanity; the light on in Holly's office seeped into the living room, I figured she had an article to write or paperwork to catch up on. I bent down to untie my boots and kicked them off, when I stood up Holly stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. "Is it necessary for you to make so much noise when you walk in the door, can you not reach down and take your shoes off, do you need to kick them into the wall!?" Holly asked, glaring at me, every muscle in her face tensed as she searched my face, I had never seen Holly this upset. "And the keys, can you not just lay them on the table, must you drop them every time!?"

I felt a pang in my stomach that I hadn't felt in nearly a year, the pang of fear that we were breaking up. The last time I had felt this way had been the night at the penny when I first met Lisa and Rachel. I watched her and bit into my cheek, trying to control my own emotions. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I made that much noise." I muttered and tried to blink back the tears. "I'm, um, I'll be in the shower." I stuttered walking past her towards the stairs, needing to be away from her angry glare, needing to not be the cause of that expression.

When I finally made into our room, I noticed the box by her side of the bed, A haunting reminder that my mother had hurricane into her life, leaving nothing but debris and heartache in her wake. That my current situation could have been avoided had I just declined to bring Holly to dinner. I broke down in the shower, crumpling to the floor and letting out the sobs that I had been holding back, I had no idea how to fix it.

**Week 3**

Holly appeared to be genuinely relieved when she noticed my schedule on the fridge, opposite shifts meant that we would not see each other for a while. Not that she had said much to me since yelling at me about my keys and my boots. 16 days felt like a lifetime, the precursor to breaking up, I had expected to come home every day with boxes of my stuff in the living room. I had expected Holly to ask me to leave, 16 days of this overly heavy feeling felt like drowning while everyone just stood by and watched.

_Dinner's in the fridge, don't eat from the blue container it has tomatoes- Holly_

Holly hadn't brought them into her home or eaten them since we started dating, it may have started in our friendship, she knew that I was allergic to tomatoes and made an effort to keep them away from me. I had made the same effort to stay away from dairy products; it had been an unspoken agreement between us. "K.O.D." I muttered to myself before pulling out the clear container and putting it in the microwave; I must have missed Holly by 20 minutes this morning. She had been leaving early for work and coming home late, I had seen her for a total of maybe 15 minutes all week.

**Thank you for dinner, I love you**

I sent Holly a quick text before sitting on the couch to eat and unwind from my shift. I had tried to keep my contact with Holly minimal, giving her as much space as she needed, I made sure though to tell her I loved her at least in person every day, I guess with night shifts I would have to settle for texts. The safety deposit box now sat by the coffee table, staring back at me, a 10x10 reminder of my mistakes. "Fuck you." I muttered before walking upstairs; I had never felt hatred for an inanimate object before.

**Week 4**

I had purposely told Oliver that I would be 2 hours late for shift today, I had planned a semi ambush of Holly, I hadn't laid eyes on her in 4 days. "Hi love." I smiled when she walked in the front door after work, she just glanced up at me and nodded. "Hi." She sighed and set her bag down before hanging up her coat. "I made your favorite Gigot D'Agneau Pleureur, and I bought your favorite wine, I took a few ours off so we can have dinner together." I smiled holding a glass out to her.

"I already ate, thanks though, I need to shower." Holly took the wine as she walked by, the simple gesture cut deep. "Are we over?" I asked, staring at the door, afraid to turn around and look at her, I knew that the dam of emotions I had been holding back would burst open if I met her eyes. "What?" Holly asked from the stairs, I could hear the confusion in her tone. "It's my fault, I took you to her house and she dug into your adoption." I chewed on my lip, preparing myself for the worst; I could feel her eyes on the back of my head.

"Why would we be over?" Holly asked, her voice so low that If I hadn't been close I would have missed it. "It's been 4 weeks Holly, you haven't looked at me in 4 weeks, and you haven't said anything to me in that long, aside from asking why I made so much noise coming into the house. You weren't upset when you found out that we wouldn't be sharing a bed for two weeks, you usually complain for a week leading up to even 2 back to back night shifts." My voice cracked, I knew that couldn't hold back my tears much longer.

"Isn't that what you're leading up to, the next logical step in this is me moving out." I sobbed unable to stop the sudden break in my resolve, voicing my fear terrified me. I feared the potential confirmation, that she would tell me that she didn't know how to say it, that she had been trying to find the right words, that she didn't want to break my heart.

"I'm sorry, I just need time Gail." Holly muttered and wrapped her arms around me; her voice to calm, to steady. I'm not sure if her lack of an answer upset me or her lack of emotion, I suddenly couldn't stand being in her home, having her stand close but feel so far away. "I need to leave for work." I shook my head and met her eyes. "I love you Holly." I breathed and she gave me a sad smile. "Have a nice night Gail." Holly kissed my cheek and I walked out the door. I sat in my car for 20 minutes trying to stop the flood of tears, it hurt that she didn't say that she loved me back, that she had offered little reassurance to me, she needed time. Were we now on a break, did I need to move out for a few weeks to give her space?

"You have reached the voicemail box of Dr. Holly Stewart, I'm unable to come to the phone right now, please leave a message and I will call you back." I felt the phone slip from my fingers as everything became fuzzy. "GAIL! DAMMIT GAIL! STAY WITH ME!" I heard Dov yell, it was too late, I needed to sleep, I felt cold and sleeping seemed like such a wonderful idea, the anchor had finally hit the ocean floor and it felt soft and inviting.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Don't hate me…I know this chapter had a lot going on but I promise the next one will have some answers… and should be up this weekend


	18. Revelations and verisimilitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first… show of hands how many of you want to slap me because of the last chapter, don't be shy, I see you there glaring at your screen. It's ok because I knew what I was getting myself into.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who had stuck with the story after my 6-month hiatus.
> 
> Thank you for your comments and follows and favorites, I cherish each one of them
> 
> Guest: That last paragraph. Poor transition babe! You could have written it better; it didn't make sense. We know what's happening but it feels like you skipped a paragraph or two to get us there! I know that the last chapter had a few holes, I did this on purpose and I do plan on correcting.
> 
> A/N: this chapter is long, it is the longest chapter to the story at this point.
> 
> I know that Holly's change in mood the last chapter also threw some people for a loop but all things will be resolved in due time.
> 
> This chapter will move between three different narrators (may not be the last chapter like this). I hope that the 6K word (should have been split in three) chapter makes up for my slight delay.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr to chat if you would like: apparent-winds

**Steve**

As a cop, you're prepared to put up the fight of your life every day; cops willingly walk into situations other people run from. Our training teaches us to shoot, to apprehend, and to detain suspects. Coming from a family of cops, I grew up aware that every time my parents left the house and put on the uniform that there stood a chance that they would not come home that night. Our mother moved up the ranks with such tenacity that she did not stay in uniform long enough to see the action or to fully understand the personal danger. Our father had been shot in the leg though; he spent 2 nights in the hospital before moving off the streets at our mother's demands.

I have spent time in the hospital, guns and gangs did major undercover work which rarely ended peacefully. I had been undercover for 6 months when Gail's had been abducted by Perik, I couldn't leave my post to be with her in the hospital and It broke me. Gail had spent countless nights with me in the hospital when I had been wounded; she always stayed by my side.

We were cops though, we knew the risks, we took an oath, we wear bulletproof vests, and we carry guns. Nothing prepares you for the call though, there's a possibility every day. When Oliver shows up at your door at 6 in the morning it steals the oxygen from the room and time feels as if it's slowing down. Nothing prepares you for the possibility of those injuries when you're off duty, Gail and Dov had just left the station at 5 in the morning to grab breakfast before heading home. Gail didn't have a bulletproof vest on, she didn't have her gun, Gail had been attacked and completely unprepared.

"Let me pick her up, you need to be here." Tracie pushed me back into my seat for the tenth time; the hospital waiting room had quickly filled with 15's officers. "Tracie, I need to get Holly, Dov claimed that Gail called twice before she lost consciousness. She should be here already!" My brain had shifted into full on panic mode, my baby sister had been In surgery for two-hours and her girlfriend wasn't here with the rest of us. I didn't know if she had been injured on her way to the hospital, if she had been filled in on Gail's condition. "Let me pick her up, they will want to talk to you if anything happens." Tracie nodded before kissing the top of my head, seemingly anchoring me to my chair, I had to stay the doctors could give an update if I left. "I'll be back soon; I have my phone call me if they give you an update." Tracie walked out of the ER; If Holly had been hurt on her way to the hospital Gail would never forgive me.

It felt like days rather than a few hours when Dov came out of the emergency room doors, the side of his face covered in gauze, Chloe walked him to the seat near Andy, a disapproving scowl on her face. He had been admitted to the ER when Oliver and I arrived at 6:15 this morning. "Dov, you should go home, we will call you when we have news." Oliver paced back and forth in front of the nurses station, his own nervous energy starting to wear on the rest of us.

"For the last time, I'm not leaving." Dov glared at Oliver before turning to me, his expression changing to guilt. "Steve, I am sorry." Dov watched me, his jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. "I don't remember what happened, we parked outside of the diner for breakfast and then Gail's on the ground and 5 guys are attacking her." Dov bit into his lip before staring at Oliver. "I was too late." Dov's gaze shifted to the floor as tears fell from his eyes. "I couldn't help her." He repeated before Chloe pulled him into her arms. I knew that Dov and Gail were the odd couple, best friends and their relationship had proved to be unbreakable.

"She'll be ok Dov." I reached out and squeezed his shoulder trying to convince myself that Gail would come out of this ok. "Where's Holly?" Andy asked, frustrated, Gail's friends had been cold towards Holly all week, for longer, maybe, my recollection of their behavior only went back a few days though. I had noticed it when Dov nearly ignored her when she asked for assistance, and Andy had walked away when she came into the scene. Gail and I hadn't had time to catch up since the pecktastrophe of a dinner at Elaine's home.

"She might not show up, Gail thinks they're breaking up." Dov breathed and I nearly lost my temper. "what!?" I asked, standing up unable to sit still, I started pacing along with Oliver, needing to concentrate my energy on walking and not punching the wall. "They haven't been talking for maybe a month, Gail told me that Holly gave her a vague answer when she asked if they were breaking up, claiming that she needed time." Dov sighed, looking up at me; his eyes followed me across the room and back before he sniffled again. "Steve, I couldn't protect her." Dov stared down at his shirt, the blue material stained a dark brown color, his nails were also stained brown, I couldn't tell if the blood belonged to him or to Gail.

From what Dov and Oliver explained, Gail and Dov had been jumped while off duty by a group of 5 guys. The entire confrontation had been caught on camera, the attack lasted less than a minute. Gail took the grunt of the beating, stabbed 3 times and she had lost a vast amount of blood in her struggle. Dov had been pistol-whipped and he needed 13 stitches, his report stated that Gail fought off the attack the best she could. They had already taken Gail into surgery by the time we arrived; Callahan had called after reviewing the security tape to inform us that the attack had been gang related a possible initiation, and that my unit would be handling the investigation moving forward. Dov told me that Gail had been conscious when they brought her in, but that it would be touch and go for a while.

"Have you called your parents?" Oliver asked, grabbing my shoulder, forcing me to stop pacing. "No, she wouldn't want them here Oliver." I couldn't meet his eyes; I watched the automatic doors to the ER, the vague shadows behind the frosted glass, how everyone's attention would shoot up whenever they opened. "Steve, they need to be here." Oliver sighed and I shook my head, unwilling to pick up the phone, to tell my dad that his daughter had been beaten, and currently laid on an operating table, that her injuries were inflicted off duty. "She has to be ok Oliver, its Gail she'll be ok." I tried not to imagine the worst, it went against everything I had ever been taught, prepare for the worst and hope for the best, I couldn't prepare for the worst when it came to my sister though.

"Peck?" a doctor wearing navy scrubs called from the nurses station before his eyes left the clipboard he gripped tightly. "Yeah" I ran over to him, trying to read his expression, trying to understand before I stopped in front of him. "I'm,uh, I'm Steve, her brother." I tripped over my words trying to read his expression to learn Gail's condition, 2 hours; she had been in surgery for 2 hours. "Your sister's strong; I need to ask if anyone in here had a Type A or O blood type though, we may need more blood." The doctor glanced around the group, Chloe and Andy both stood up and asked where to make their donations. "We are doing everything we can to save her, she's a fighter." The doctor nodded before moving me away from the group of officers that were listening to his every word.

"Your sister has a collapsed lung, 2 broken ribs, severe bruising to her hip and pelvis on top of the wounds she suffered from the knife, They have removed 4 inches of her large intestine, and a portion of her kidney." The doctor watched me as I took in the information, broken, bruised, removed my brain couldn't grasp the significance of a majority of the information, I just knew that he had said she was alive. "The surgeons are taking every step possible. Your sister has coded on the table twice, but she's stable right now, they are working as fast as possible to move her into the ICU." I felt the blood drain from my head and fall towards my feet, the room started spinning as I stumbled back into my seat; I couldn't stop myself from crying. He had been talking about my little sister and I was completely helpless, no matter how hard I wished she would be ok, she was still in surgery.

"Steve." Tracie ran towards me and I pulled her into my arms grabbing fistfuls of her sweater, every time I opened my mouth to speak no words came out. "What's happening?" Holly asked the fear and panic evident in her voice; I pointed to the doctor, I couldn't explain it or listen to it again. "I'm going to listen ok?" Tracie pushed me back and I just nodded, wiping my eyes. I looked up to see the blood drain for Holly's face, her expression changed and she just shook her head before sitting across from me nothing but a blank stare and shaking hands.

"Did you and my sister break up!?" I accused glaring at Holly, finally finding my voice again; the doctor had left the waiting room nearly 30 minutes ago. "What, no!" Holly stared at me; her expression made me realized that I wasn't the only one that could lose Gail today. "We didn't break up Steve; I can't live without her." Holly shook her head, I reached out and pulled her into my arms, feeling her sob into my shoulder, I held her as she shook.

3 hours had passed, Holly and I sat side by side, both of us staring at the sliding doors, waiting for news. Dov had fallen asleep, while Chloe and Andy just stared at their phones. Nick and Oliver had gone on a coffee run a while back, bringing nearly enough coffee for the entire hospital. "Dr. Payton!" Holly called out before shooting out of her seat, dragging me behind her, the sudden movement nearly made me dizzy. "Dr. Stewart." The man nodded towards us, this hadn't been the doctor to tell us Gail's condition before. "Has anyone been out to talk to you?" The man asked, he surveyed the cluster of blue uniforms staring back at him, the same fearful expression on their faces. "No." Holly breathed, I could feel her hand shaking and I could hear the tears in her voice.

"We just finished surgery; She has been moved to the ICU. From what we can tell we have repaired the damage, she will spend at least a week in the hospital, her recovery will be slow." The man gave us a sad smile before handing Holly Gail's chart. Holly's eyes scanned the report; I watched Holly's face waiting for an expression I could understand, anything to give me an idea of her real condition. "She coded again?" Holly asked, taking a deep breath before handing the chart back to him. "Considering the amount of blood she lost; we're surprised that she made it into the hospital to be honest. She is fighting for someone, I've never seen someone as determined as she is to stay alive, and she's made it through the thick of it." He nodded, handing the file to the nurse behind the desk.

"We can't let you into the ICU for a few hours though, she's being monitored closely." I stared at the man's nametag as he spoke, Gail had coded again, I had lost my sister 3 times. "Take this; I will page you when you can visit her." He handed Holly a pager with ICU printed on the side. "Thank you." Holly nodded, putting it in her pocket; I followed her back towards the group in the waiting room wordlessly.

"She's out of surgery and in the ICU, they say its still touch and go, they won't let us into her room for a few hours." Holly muttered, her gaze unfocused, I did notice that she avoided eye contact with Oliver, Andy, Dov, and Tracie though. "She has a collapsed lung, 2 broken ribs, bruising to her abdomen, the surgery corrected the damage from the stabbing, she coded 3 times before surgery was over." Holly let out a shaky breath before continuing. "When they let people in, it will only be 1 at a time; Steve should be first, Dov second." Holly chewed on her lip before walking towards the vending machine, her voice cracking.

* * *

**HOLLY (30 Minutes after Gail left)**

"HOLLY!" Bailey called as she let herself through the locked door. "HOLLY FEY STEWART DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!" Bailey slammed the door before she stomped into the living room; I had been sitting on the stairs since Gail walked out the door. "I'm not ignoring you." I nearly whispered from my perch on the stairs, I didn't have the strength to move all the way to our room after Gail had left. "Holly, why do you look as if your favorite game of thrown's character was killed off?" Bailey sat at the kitchen counter facing me, her eyes searching my face before examining the kitchen. "Where's Gail?"

I stared at Bailey, my brain still had not processed the events of the last hour, Gail had made my favorite dinner, bought my favorite wine, Gail took time off work to have dinner with me and I shut her out. I had fucked up royally, four weeks of me shutting myself off from the world and Gail had stayed, I had yelled at her, I stopped talking to her all together, and she still told me she loved me, she skill kissed my forehead and made an effort.

"Work, she's on nights." I muttered before standing up. "I'm not in the mood Bailey." I walked upstairs to our bedroom; I didn't need pity from Bailey right now. "Holly, you know why I'm here!" Bailey yelled from the kitchen, "and I'm not leaving until I have answers Doc!" Just when I needed to sort my thoughts, I had Tornado Bailey and her path of destruction to deal with. I stood in the doorway to our room, I hadn't slept in our bed for weeks, I had been sleeping on the couch in my office, reading the files from the safety deposit box repeatedly. The room felt foreign to me, a reminder of the time I had spent talking to Gail, the times we had made love in our bed, the times that we laid in silence just being near each other.

"Care to explain why Gail's at work and a perfectly cooked gigot d'agneau pleureur is plated, 2 plates and an open bottle of your favorite wines sitting on the counter untouched?" Bailey stood in my doorway with a bowl casually eating as she spoke. "For fuck sake Bailey leave!" I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. Gail's hoodie hung on the back of the door, a reminder that I had pushed her away, my hoodie used to hang there; she hadn't worn her own sweaters in almost a year. I pulled out my phone and clicked on her picture opening up the thread of texts she had sent me.

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: Thank you for dinner, I Love you XX**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I washed the blankets in your office and bought you a new pillow. Our bed is more comfortable than the couch in your office.**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I'm sorry I missed you this morning, I love you have a good day at work.**

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I have never known how to do gray; it's either black or white. Either you love with every fiber of your being or you don't. I love you with every ounce of my soul Holly, I don't want to know what it's like to live without you, please let me back into your heart.**

The last message had been sent 5 minutes after she left for work, I felt my heart clench in my chest before I started crying. I stood up and grabbed Gail's hoodie and breathed it in, gunpowder and honey, the hoodie had captured her scent perfectly. "Hol." Bailey tapped on the door bringing me out of my thoughts. "Why are you here Bailey, and why won't you just leave me alone!" I asked, opening the door, I could not fight with her, and I couldn't fight with myself. "Hol what's happening?" Bailey asked before pulling me into her arms, concern etched into her face. "Don't!" I pulled back before walking past her and lying on Gail's side of the bed. "Please just leave Bailey." I held Gail's sweater to my chest, letting the smell of the sheets and her hoodie calm me down. Not that I had a right to feel calm, I'm the reason she doubted us, I had pushed her away.

"I can't, Doc." Bailey kicked off her shoes and climbed into bed behind me. "Wanna tell me happened to you and Gail?" Bailey pulled me into her arms as I stared out the window. I couldn't remember the last time I told Gail I loved her, the last time I had laid in her arms, or the last time I had kissed her. "I hate how easy you have it Bailey. Your mom gave you up at birth for honorable reasons, and you've met her, you have an ok relationship with her." I took a deep breath trying not to cry, I needed desperately to control my emotions. "I ended up with the shity story. My parents ran the cartel, I'm gay, and now I know every detail about Iris and Dominic Dawson, the people who names me Trinity." I sat up and pulled Gail's sweater on before lying back down.

"Yeah, tough life." Bailey laughed staring back at me, her eyes showing no sympathy for my current situation. "You found your family Hol, Shannon and Jason Stewart they're your parents, not Iris and Dominic Dawson. You went to the best medical schools on the continent, you're on a path to run the department in forensics, and you have found the love of your life. Holly blood doesn't define you; sure, they say blood is thicker than water, But Holly we have all bled for each other. Therefore, I'm sure that sayings about us, the bumps and bruises, our scraped knees, and the battle scars we have from our fights. Holly, Mom may not have given birth to you, Holly Stewart is a product of the labor of her love though. Those people are names on paper, the reason that you came into all of our lives, and I'm thankful for them, I have the best sister anyone could ask for thanks to them." Baily smiled and I started crying, unable to control my emotions any longer. "Hol, I'm sorry, I didn't say that to make you cry." Bailey pulled me into her arms and held me as I let go of every ounce of frustration and fear I had been bottling up for weeks.

"Come on, out of bed, we're not doing this!" Bailey sat up and pulled me into a sitting position once my tears had slowed down. "What?" I sniffled as I watched her climb out of bed and walk into my closet. "We're moving to the kitchen and I'm finding the expensive stuff Blondie hides, and I'm going to make sure you are drunk enough to talk this through!" Bailey came out of the closet in a pair of my sweats and pulled me out of bed and down the stairs.

"I fucked up B." I let her walk into the kitchen while I sat on the couch, every nerve in my body felt raw and exposed. "How did you fuck up?" Bailey called from the kitchen her voiced muffled with her head stuck in a cabinet. "I became obsessed with understanding." I muttered, staring at my reflection in the TV screen, I didn't recognize the woman staring back at me.

"Spill Doc!" Baily handed me a beer and a shot glass filled with whiskey. "I'm not drunk enough." I downed the shot and held the glass up to her. "Whelp, lets fix that." Bailey refilled my glass and handed it back to me, I downed the shot and cringed, I had never been a Whiskey drinker, I could feel it helping though, slowly warming my blood. My walls started to dissolve as the liquor warmed my system, I felt fuzzy and content.

"I'm guessing that by your sudden appearance in my home that mom and dad explained their trip here a few weeks ago?" I asked after my sixth shot, my filter had disappeared. "Yeah." Bailey nodded settling on the couch, pulling the blanket over her lap. "So I picked up the files." I shook my head before peering up at her, my tongue felt heavy and swollen already. "I became obsessed with them; I've read them 100 times at least, with every detail I caved farther into myself." I reached for my phone and tried to turn it on, the black screen stared back at me. "Can you plug this in, it's dead." I handed her my phone and reached for my beer.

"Are we talking Holly's studying don't mess with her, or Holly's first girlfriend broke up with her and she'll punch you shut down?" Bailey asked to set my phone on the table behind her before turning back to me. "A worse version of the two combined." I set my beer down no longer interested in the alcohol. "This month has been an out of body experience, I could see how I treated Gail, how I pushed her away, no matter how loud I screamed or how hard I fought, I couldn't change my actions." I shook my head recalling the stupid fights I had tried to start, seeing her hurt eyes staring back at me. Gail had been nothing but supportive and I had only pushed her farther away.

"When Gail and I started dating we have issues, Gail didn't know how to open up, her defense mechanism equated to pushing people away or running away. I asked her to let me in, to talk to me before pushing me away and for a year, it's been working. 4 weeks ago I did exactly what I asked her to stop doing." I laid back on the couch waiting for the inevitable;  _you're stupid_   _Holly_  that generally left Baileys lips when we had conversations regarding my past relationships.

"Holly you're human. It's not as if you shut down because an article you wrote didn't land the cover of science weekly. You had a bomb dropped in your lap and no one expects you to be ok with that, Relationships boil down to time and work. When you love someone it requires work, Gail's won't give up on you, and if you don't start trying you may lose her though." Bailey shrugged before taking another shot. "When did you grow up?" I asked before moving to lie on the floor in front of the couch, my head felt fuzzy and the room had started to spin. "I took the opportunity to be the favorite, especially since the golden girl stopped picking up her phone." Bailey laughed before lying on the couch, kicking a pillow towards my face.

"Give me my phone?" I held out my hand to her and took off my glasses, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "it's only charged 15%" Bailey muttered, holding it out, I reached for it 3 times before making contact with my phone, I didn't know if my triple vision had been caused by the alcohol or my lack of spectacles. "I need to text Gail." I laughed as I typed in my password and selected Gail's icon. "I love her." I grinned to myself as I typed out the only message my drunken brain could think of.

**Dr. Hot stuff: I love you Gail Peck.**

I hit send and started falling asleep holding my phone. I would wake up early in the morning and prepare breakfast for her, we would have a proper conversation and I would beg for forgiveness if I needed to. "Night bailey." I muttered as I let my eyes slip closed, Gail's contact photo spurring on happy dreams, dreams of Gail's smile and her laugh, the memories that I cherished.

**7:45 AM**

"HOLLY! HOLLY ARE YOU HERE!" I recognized the voice currently yelling through my door to be Tracie's. "B. make it stop." I groaned, holding my head, hangovers sucked. "HOLLY!" Tracie called again and I slowly sat up, the banging in my head substantially more tolerable than I previously expected. "Hang on." I called flinching at the sound of my own voice, my phone had died and Baily must have left.

_Had an early shift call you later. B._

The note had been taped to my hand. "Trace what's up?" I opened the door and tried to pull the tape off my arm leaving the hair behind. "Why aren't you answering your phone?" Tracie barked her eyes worried and angry. "It died last night." I rubbed my eyes, the last month had been testing my patients with Tracie, I knew that Gail trusted her enough to express our relationship with her. By the way she had been treating me, I was positive she had been clued in on my recent behavior.

"Holly, I need you to listen ok." Tracie searched my eyes and I felt the blood drain from my face. "Tracie, what." I gulped; all of the air seemed to disappear. "Why….what….Tracie." I felt my knees give out as I fell to the floor. "Hol you need to come with me, I'll explain in the car, ok." Tracie helped me off the floor and grabbed my keys before pulling me outside of my flat towards the elevator. The ride to the lobby and the walk to the squad car seemed to last for hours, I felt every second as a physical punch to the gut, and every minute felt as if days had passed.

"This morning at 5:30 after shift Dov and Gail were assaulted in the parking lot of the King Street diner, Gail's lost a lot of blood and is in surgery, we are waiting on word, they said it's too soon to tell." Tracie pulled away from the curb, her grip on the steering wheel tightening. I felt numb, completely empty. "Hey." Tracie pulled over quickly, the car nearly screeching to a halt. "Holly you need to breathe ok, Gail will fight her way through this, you need to breathe though." Tracie grabbed my face and made me look at her; I heard her words but my body had no reaction. "She called you twice this morning." Tracie watched me, her eyes searching my face. "My phone, I needed to text her last night and it died, I had been drinking." I stared at her; I felt my heart rate slowing down, not in a calming way, in the way that your hearts slows before it completely stops.

"You're her medical proxy, 15's in the ER waiting for news, we don't know how long the surgery will last." Tracie put the car back into drive and pulled into traffic. "Did they just take her in?" I asked staring at the time surgery's lasted hours. "About an hour and a half ago." Tracie nodded and I cringed, 2 hours, and my phone died. "Trace." I gasped and she just nodded and kept driving. "We've all been calling Holly; we were all worried that you may have been in an accident on the way to the hospital." Tracie kept talking, I could only hear the blood in my ears, and the air that lacked nutrients as I greedily sucked it in.

When we finally made it into the hospital, Steve had collapsed into his seat in tears. I felt my heart drop and my mind ran through every worst-case scenario. I don't remember running up to Steve or a majority of the doctor's description of Gail's injuries, all I remember is him asking me if I wanted to enact Gail's standing DNR, she had coded twice on the table already.

* * *

**GAIL**

My entire shift had been spent checking my phone, hoping that maybe Holly would respond to my text, that maybe she would give me some sense of hope to hold onto. After closing the door and walking to my car, I knew that I needed to tell Holly anything, to let her know that I wasn't giving up on us. My last conversation with Oliver came to mind, that I've never understood the concept of the color gray, my entire life existed as black and white. My love for Holly had always been clear; I never wondered if it maybe could be love, I just knew that I loved her.

**You Can Cuff Me Any Time: I have never known how to do gray; it's either black or white. Either you love with every fiber of your being or you don't. I love you with every ounce of my soul Holly, I don't want to know what it's like to live without you, please let me back into your heart.**

I had reread the message for the millionth time, trying to will her to respond. The words were true, I refused to let her go without a fight, we had been through to much together for this to simply end. Maybe a few days apart, a few days without me trying to reach out to her would help, maybe needing time meant she just needed to be away from me for a while.

**11 PM**

"What's up with you tonight, you haven't made a single comment about my music or my singing." Dov asked as we drove aimlessly through the quiet streets of downtown. "Hmm?" I turned and stared at him, lost in my own thoughts, trying to understand Holly's lack of an answer. "You seem off tonight, lost." Dov shrugged and pulled to the side of the street and put the cruiser into park. "I'm going to grab coffee, can I grab you anything?" he asked unbuckling his seatbelt, his eyes searching the side of my face. "No thanks." I stared out the window towards the end of the street; my world had come to a grinding halt in the matter of moments tonight. My last attempt to make Holly smile had backfired in the worst possible way.

In frustration, I had voiced my fears; I had asked the question that had weighed on my mind for weeks. A question that left me wondering if our relationship had taken the final turn towards heartbreak. I had never felt this lost before, this out of control.  _I just need time Gail,_  echoed in my thoughts, I had told her that I loved her and she told me to have a nice night. I had never been in this position before, I had never loved this much and cared this deeply, and right now I felt as if my world had unraveled.

**2 AM**

"How did your dinner go?" Dov asked, attempting to start another conversation. "It didn't." I muttered, staring at my phone; I had been obsessively checking it every 5 minutes all night. "Why not?" Dov glanced over at me before turning back towards the station; our route had been set to a few miles from 15, basic patrol. "She had already eaten, I should have asked before assuming that she would be hungry." I shrugged and put my phone back into my pocket, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be receiving an answer.

"Can I stay in my room for a few days?" I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence, I knew that Dov wanted to ask about the dinner , he also knew that I would open up to him in my own time, prying never equated to success. "Of course Gail." He peered at me with an apologetic gaze, an expression I had seen repeatedly after Nick and Chris. It meant that he cared and that he would be there when I felt like talking. "Holly might want to break up with me, the last few weeks she's completely shut me out and every time I try to learn why, I'm met with silence." I chewed on my lip and turned away from him, afraid that I might start crying again. "I asked her if we were breaking up tonight and she told me that she needed time." I tried to swallow the tears and the pain in my heart. Dov didn't try to keep the conversation going; he just kept driving, the silence, giving me time to plan my next move.

**5 AM**

"Gail!" Dov called into the locker room before walking in. "Hey, um, do you maybe want breakfast, you can stay at the apartment today too, we have clean sheets and stuff?" Dov asked shoving his hands in his pockets. Somehow, I had become friends with Dov over the years; he became part of my family, a brother that I liked more than Steve some days. "Yeah that sounds ok, I just need to change." I nodded and walked to my locker. I needed time with my friends right now; I had been avoiding nearly everyone outside of work all month.

Andy and Tracie had cornered me the day after Holly laid into me about my shoes and my keys, forcing me to have lunch with them and to catch up. Other than that, I had been finishing work and heading home hoping to catch Holly, to have a conversation, to reconcile. "I'll meet you at your car!" Dov called and left the room. The morning shift had started gathering, people bustling around the station preparing for their workday while mine had ended. Over the last few weeks, I had become a ghost, or so Oliver had told me over coffee the other night. I had abandoned my Peck shield of ice and had learned to avoid nearly every person I worked with. According to Oliver, I had lost my shine and my spirit; I had been replaced by a dull impersonation of myself.

**5:20 AM**

"OH MY GOD!" Dov gasped as we pulled into the parking lot of the diner. "To what do we owe that Gail Peck Smile!?" He laughed before turning to me; my eyes wouldn't leave my phone screen. Holly's contact picture had appeared for the first time in weeks, a simple text that said I Love You Gail Peck. My heart rate picked up and I couldn't hide the smile that appeared on my lips. "Um, I'll meet you inside in a few; I need to make a call." I grinned and clicked the call icon next to her picture; maybe I could hear her say it aloud. I put the phone to my ear and stepped out of the car. "No answer." I pouted and hit the call button again, if she didn't answer this time I would leave a voice mail, it had been an hour since the text came in, she had probably fallen asleep.

"HEY BLONDIE!?" I heard a deep male voice yell, as I looked up the world slowed down. I saw a group of men in their 20's rush towards me, all wearing dark hoodies and jeans, running in slow motion. It didn't hurt at first; I can't say I felt anything until I hit the floor though, the gravel from the parking lot dug into my palm as I tried to stand back up. "Gail!" Dov called, I couldn't see him though, I could only focus on the large blood stained blade that hit me in my stomach. I felt it that time, the sharp pain of my skin splitting open, I felt every inch of it as it cut through me.

Instinct caused me to start kicking and punching, doing my best to fight off the attack, to defend myself. I heard the boot come in contact with my hip, the dull thud as I slumped back against the passenger door of my car. "I'M CALLING THE COPS!" someone yelled, they sounded as if they were in a tunnel far away. My hands felt warm and wet, the rest of my body felt ice cold. The knife cut threw me again and my vision went blurry, nothing had a defined edge or shape. "GAIL!" I heard Dov yell as I searched around me for my phone, quickly putting it to my ear then I heard her voice. "You have reached the voicemail box of Dr. Holly Stewart, I'm unable to come to the phone right now, please leave a message and I will call you back." I felt the phone slipping from my fingers they felt sticky and gross. "GAIL!" Dov yelled, rushing towards me, blood dripping from his face as he came in and out of focus. "DAMMIT GAIL! STAY WITH ME!" Dov yelled again as the blurry mess my vision had turned into, turned black. "I called Holly." I muttered before falling asleep, no longer able to support my own weight.

"Gail, come on Gail stay with us!" My eyes opened to the too bright lights overhead. "Look at those eyes, keep them open for me." An unfamiliar male voice called as I fell back asleep. "Officer Peck, I need you to keep your eyes open, we're almost there but you need to stay awake!" The voice repeated, people who woke you up without coffee sucked, did they know anything. "Do you remember what happened?" The voice asked as I tried to focus on its location, everything around me had an annoying white halo. The voice didn't belong to a face or a body, not one that I could find as I searched for it. "She said she loved me." I breathed and closed my eyes, unable to understand why I had been in the white room to begin with, why were my covers missing, and why didn't they have coffee.

* * *


	19. MAUSOLEUM'S AND PROOF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hello lovely wonderful people! I am sorry for the delay between chapters; life has proven to be a major time suck as of late.
> 
> This chapter as the last will shift between Gail, Holly, and Steve's narratives, the sections are labeled.
> 
> Thank you for each and every comment, follow, and favorite!

**Gail**

Everyone dreams, I used to fear my dreams, I still fear them I guess. Knowing that every time I fell asleep, I could have a nightmare terrified me; I had no way of predicting them. A perfect day and a wonderful night could result in me screaming, freaking out and in tears from a nightmare. When I have trouble sleeping, Holly usually tells me facts about dreams, sleep, and astronomy. Her soft ramblings were my version of a lullaby, they worked to quickly put me to sleep.

I knew that 90% of people forget their dreams within a minute of waking up.

People sleep better during the new moon than during the full moon.

People who fall asleep within the first 5 minutes of lying down should be considered sleep deprived, the majority of people fall asleep within 10 minutes of lying down which is the scientific norm.

In our year together, Holly had filled my head with facts and random bits of information. I could answer nearly half of Dov's trivia questions without the assistance of Google and I found myself relaying these nuggets of knowledge to other people without conscious effort.

There seemed to be no other explanation for my current situation, it had to be a dream. I stood in our shared apartment, our main floor stood exactly as it should; the books lining the shelves were in alphabetical order, the blankets were neatly folded on their shelf under the end table and the coffee table had been recently polished, meeting Holly's standards of living. The fact that I had no sense of touch queued me into my current state of unconsciousness, I couldn't tell you if the kitchen counter felt cold, warm or if it had texture, I couldn't feel the difference between walking on the hardwood in the kitchen or the carpet in the living room.

I had been here for a while, at least it felt that way, I couldn't tell you if minutes, hours, or days had past. The clock on the microwave remained blank, the TV wouldn't turn on, and I couldn't find the stairs that lead to our bedroom. I had spent what felt like hours staring at my hands, at the angry red scrapes that lined my palms and wrists. I had no recollection of how I had gotten them, If I pressed on them, I felt no pain , they worried me none the less, I had never seen cuts in my dreams. The harder I thought the less I could remember, I had no idea when I last worked, when I last saw Holly, or when I had last eaten. The house was devoid of the usual racket, missing the hum of the lights, and the sounds of the neighbors and the building were gone, the lack of noise and stillness made me uneasy.

My dream to a point had become rather uninteresting, I had been left alone with my thoughts and I couldn't come up with anything worthwhile. Except the weird breaks where my dream shifted from our flat to the other room, I had been back to the too bright white room three times. Our living room slowly faded out to reveal the bright white walls with the disembodied voice, I only heard the voice's in the bright room, each time the voices and the commotion grew to alarming volumes. I panicked every time it happened, my heart rate would speed up and my thoughts grew fuzzy and confused. The brightness always faded back to the familiar setting of our living room where I sat trying to simply feel the texture of the cushions.

I wondered if I would remember my dream when I woke up, I always tried to tell my dreams to Holly, the details I remembered at least. Holly always tried to interpret them, offering insight into their meaning, the subconscious meanings and environmental causes. Could my lack of feeling be a subconscious definition of my walls or my lack of emotions, Holly would know the meaning of my dream if I remembered it once I woke up.

**Holly**

Lisa and Rachel had shown up to the hospital with a gym bag filled with clothes and toiletries, Dr. Payton had made a phone call keying them in on both Gail's condition and my current hangover. I showered in the resident's locker room, needing to smell less like a liquor cabinet. I kept my shower short, I needed to return to the ICU waiting room they had moved us to when Gail had been brought out of surgery. It's been 8 hours since Tracie had picked me up and 2 hours since Gail had been out of surgery, the last update 30 minutes ago let us know that we would be able to visit her just after 9 this evening if her vitals were stable, 4 hours away.

Lisa and Rachel had called in a few favors when they arrived, Gail would have a private room with a maternity bed, a pull out couch and as many chairs as they could fit into it. The hospital staff quickly realized that while they had visiting hours and guest policies that the police from 15 wouldn't be denied access to Gail's room.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" Steve asked, standing in front of my seat, I glanced up at him and nodded. Standing up hurt, the combination of spending the last few weeks on my office couch, spending last night on the floor, and the unforgiving plastic chairs that lined the walls of the waiting room caused my current discomfort. I followed Steve to the elevators in silence, I had been preparing for the  _Steven Peck Detective Big Brother_  speech for days, I knew that Gail confided in both him and Tracie. We took the elevator to the lobby; Steve led us towards the coffee shop before pointing to a table. "Have a seat, I'll buy coffee." Steve nodded before joining the line of people waiting to ordering.

I watched Steve move towards the counter while aimlessly playing with the ICU pager. "How's the hangover?" Steve asked, placing a large coffee cup in front of me, I had lost count of the number cups I had today. When one emptied, it seemed to be instantly replaced by a full cup that I drank without much thought. "Thankfully gone." I gave Steve a tight-lipped smile while wrapping my hands around the warm cup. "You couldn't have known Hol." Steve muttered, pulling the cardboard sleep from his coffee. "I couldn't have known what?" I asked, staring at him, a million thoughts ran through my mind. "The DNR, you couldn't have predicted that." Steve muttered and I felt the tears well up, I had tried my best to avoid thinking of the DNR. "Steve, I could have been the reason we would be planning a funeral if I had followed through with that. If she wakes up, she'll ask me why I didn't follow her plan." I sniffled trying to concentrate on Steve, how he shredded the cardboard sleeve. "When she wakes up Holly, not if. She will thank you, she's alive." Steve shrugged and pulled a napkin out of his pocket.

"We discussed it when she put me as her emergency contact; she explained it all when she later made me her medical proxy. No life support, no extensive care, and if she coded to stop treatment." I shook my head before wiping my eyes. "They asked me if they should enact it, that the decision was mine and I couldn't make it. For purely selfish reasons I couldn't say yes, I've spent the last month doing everything I asked her not to and I desperately need correct it." My words came out in broken sobs; I couldn't tell you if Steve understood me, he watched me with sad eyes before moving to wrap his arms around my shoulders.

"Gail will forgive you the second you ask for it, if you ask for it, she won't let you back in right away, she's afraid that she's the reason you shut down and pulled away from her. Gail will open her eyes and tell you that she loves you, and you'll continue being the grossly in love couple we all love." Steve laughed as he pulled away from me, I couldn't stop crying. Every fiber of my soul told me that Gail would wake up and that we would be ok. That voice in the back of my mind though, the whisper made me doubt that she would forgive me, that she would blame this all on me.

"Steve, could this be my fault?" I asked, chewing on my lip, I couldn't meet his eyes, I didn't want my fears confirmed. "How could this possibly be your fault Holly?" Steve asked, moving the pieces of cardboard confetti into various shapes along the table. "My family, digging into my past. They ran the cartel Steve." I watched as he picked up his coffee cup and slowly sipped from it. "I don't have information on the case. Hol they're not your family, your name in a report that's 30 years old doesn't mean you're involved." Steve set his coffee cup down and leaned back in his chair.

"Everyone thinks that Gail is this cold and angry person, she never made friends easily, she's a Peck and people fear the name in the force. Gail used to be open and fun loving; you wouldn't recognize her today if you had known her 8 years ago." Steve smiled to himself; he always filled the silence between us with stories of Gail. "Gail used to joke around and laugh freely, she was spontaneous and unguarded. Nick will back me up on this too, he knew that Gail." I cringed at the thought of Gail and Nick together.

"It became a weakness though, it left her open for heartache and pain. I remember her calling me a 2 in the morning laughing about how she and Nick were in Vegas and they were eloping and she would have pretty boy pale babies." Steve smiled to himself for a moment; the smile fell from his lips as he met my eyes. "Gail didn't build up her walls because Nick left, when she woke up to and empty bed and an empty room it broke her heart but that didn't change her. The main factor of change came from the person who's supposed to love you unconditionally from the second you're conceived." Steve shook his head before picking up his coffee cup, I had let the warmth of mine seep into my palms, I couldn't stomach the thought of drinking.

I tried to imagine a fun loving Gail, a woman who laughed and loved openly, my brain couldn't conjure the image. Even though Gail was open with me she was still cautious, she still held her cards close, even drunk Gail seemed overly calculated. "Elaine gave Nick an ultimatum; either join the military or jail. Elaine hated the idea of Gail being in love and generally happy, it fell outside of her master plan for Gail's life. Nick joined the military to expunge his record and to not face jail time for his past indiscretions. Gail knew that Elaine had plotted it and she didn't deny it when Gail confronted her. Our mother has meddled in Gail's life since birth, pushing her back on the path, eventually Gail stopped fighting her, and she turned into Elaine cold and calculated." I felt sick, I couldn't understand the concept of turning your children into drones, how a mother could choose her own ideals over her child's happiness.

Gail told me once in the middle of the night after a particularly awful nightmare that she didn't blame Nick for leaving her in Vegas, that she understood the decision he made. I couldn't understand it, the person she loved had walked out of her life, leaving behind a note that said  _I'm Sorry- Nick_. Gail had dealt with such heartache thanks to her mother, giving birth to Gail gave her the right to control her life.

"My Gail, the one I grew up with started coming back though. Gail's never been one to discuss her relationships, Elaine always got overly involved. I knew you different though, my little sister started talking about the nerd from the lab, which quickly turned into the brunette with chocolate eyes, and it turned into Holly and Holly's lips. Gail stopped trying to hide her happiness, she smiled and laughed openly." Steve finished his coffee and took the lid off, quickly scooping up the bits of cardboard from the table and discarding them in his cup.

"She tried to hide you from Elaine; she protected you for months. Every time Elaine asked or invited you to dinner, Gail would change the subject, she asked me to help her avoid the family dinner after your invitation showed up. Afraid that Elaine would shove her back into the box she had created for Gail's life." Steve looked around the coffee shop for a moment, his eyes scanning each face a habit Gail also had when sitting in public places. "I'm sorry that you sat in Elaine's house and witnessed how Gail's treated. Gail loves you and I bet she's dreaming of you right now, she'll wake up and tell you she loves you and all of those sappy things that come out of her mouth when she's on pain MEDs." Steve smiled as I just shook my head. "Let's head back upstairs and pester the nurses until they let us into her room." Steve laughed, pulling me out of my seat and back towards the elevators.

It had been 48 hours since Gail's surgery ended, 40 hours since I took up vigil in her room, and nearly 72 hours since I had last heard her voice. Gail's room had been occupied by the officers from 15 nearly the entire time, rotations of her friends sitting with me and bringing food. Rachel and Lisa had stopped by with clothes and my laptop and iPad.

Medically I knew the statistics that Gail would undergo months of recovery, that the trauma she endured often lead to other complications, the loss of blood could possibly lead to brain damage. Dr. Payton had ordered a medically induced coma, he wanted Gail to be sedated for at least 2 days to allow her body time to heal. The first step in an extensive recovery plan, which included dietitians, medical leave from work, physical therapy, and bed rest.

The worst part of my day had come when the nurses changed the surgical dressings this morning, 42 stitches covered a large portion of Gail's left side, 4 different incisions, one from the bowel and kidney resections, the other three from her attacker. Her torso had turned various shades of blue, black, purple, and yellow. The site made me sick, I knew what people were capable of, I witnessed it in my lab nearly every day, but nothing prepares you compare for the reality of someone you love being treated for those actions.

"Have you been home?" Bailey asked from the doorway to Gail's room, looking towards Andy, who had fallen asleep a few hours ago. "What?" I asked my gaze fixed on Gail as traced my fingers along the lines of her palm. "Doc, you need to head home and sleep. Gail's going to wake up and scream when she see's those bags under your eyes." Bailey motioned behind her before stepping over the threshold, my mom and dad quietly walked in and stared at Gail. "Mom." I breathed, feeling the need to cry, I had no tears left to cry though, my body had given up on nearly every display of emotion. "Hi Hol, why don't you head home with your dad for a little while, you need fresh air, me and Bailey will sit with Gail until you come back." My mom set her bag on the chair at the foot of Gail's bed before turning towards Andy.

"I'm fine." I shook my head and turned my attention back to Gail, trying to will her eyes open, wishing for her to be awake. For the last 48 hours, I had been living in my worst nightmare. "I figured you would say that." Bailey rolled her eyes before picking a seat. I didn't bother responding, I just reached up and combed my fingers through Gail's hair, I missed the pout that usually followed the action. "How is she?" My dad asked, standing on the other side of the bed. I had called my mom in tears after seeing Gail for the first time; my heart had shattered into a million pieces. "She's healing; she's sedated to lessen the strain on her body." I shrugged staring at her heart rate monitor, the steady spikes calming me down, they told me she was still alive.

"She's having good dreams." My dad nodded and turned to sit with my mother, pulling a newspaper out of her purse. My parents had fallen in love with Gail after meeting her, they kept in contact exchanging phone calls and emails periodically, my dad loved hearing Gail's patrol stories. "Price is bringing lunch in an hour." Bailey shrugged and held up her phone before walking out of the room. She had been in and out all day never staying for more than a few minutes, her eyes never meeting Gail's form. "Bailey told us you've been sleeping here?" My mom asked, reaching out to touch my arm; I kept my gaze fixed on the pale fingers resting on the white hospital blanket. "I won't leave, please stop asking, stop telling me, and stop thinking that I need to leave. I need to be here." I chewed on my lips, trying not to yell.

"I've spent the last 60 hours in this hospital, I will be here when she wakes up, I'll be here after she wakes, and I will be here until I can take her home. Please." I muttered before shaking my head, they had all tried to convince me to leave. Rachel and Lisa when they brought me a bag with clothes and toiletries, Tracie and Steve when they left for the night, Dr. Payton when he came to check her vitals. "I can't leave mom." I turned to watch Gail again committing every minor detail to memory, feeling my heart rate pick up with every twitch; Gail never slept this way, flat on her back with her arms at her side. Gail slept on her stomach, one leg kicked over mine, her head under the pillow. "She'll wake up Holly, she'll recover and it's going to be ok." My mom moved to wrap her arms around me. Gail had to wake up; I needed to tell her I loved her, to find a way to make up for the last month that we had spent apart. I rested my head on the mattress, letting the steady rhythm of the heart monitor lull me to sleep, hopefully she would be done with the sedatives today and she would wake up soon.

**Steve**

As a cop, I don't have the ability to leave well enough alone, my division had caught Gail's case, I knew every cop working the case personally, they also knew that I wouldn't stand by and wait for them to come to me with the news. "Look peck, I'll call you when we have something, be with your family." Detective Rodriguez shook his head at me, I had been sitting on his desk for 10 minute's trying to pull information out of him, anything I could tell Holly to ease her mind. "What information do you have, it's been 48 hours!" I glared at him; I needed a break from the hospital, the sorrowful stares from my friends, and the look of desperation on Holly's face. "Not much, we're still trying to ID the guys in the videos; the files you brought over didn't offer up leads." Rodriguez frowned before scratching his head, for 35 he surprisingly enough had less hair than Oliver did.

"Look Steve, we have the video, without ID's we can't move forward." Rodriquez sighed before handing me the case file. "They didn't hide their faces, every possible step to figure this out is being taken, you sitting on my desk isn't helping. That copy's for you, I'll keep you in the loop." He stood up and moved towards the break room. "Give your sister our best, we sent flowers." Rodriguez walked away as I skimmed over the file. Holly's phone, Gail's Phone, and Dov's phone had all been checked into evidence, along with Gail's clothes. They had not found a reason or an indication as to why they were attacked or why Dov and Gail were targeted.

I tucked the file under my arm and walked down to Tracie's desk, Oliver had ordered light duty for Chloe, Dov, and Andy until Gail at least woke up. "Hey, I'm done for the day, want to grab lunch and head back to the hospital?" Tracie asked when I sat on the edge of her desk. "Chloe's dropping lunch at the hospital in an hour, I need to head to Holly's and pick up some stuff before heading back over." I watched her carefully before standing up, I was running on a very low energy levels. "The files Holly gave me lead nowhere, The case isn't cartel connected." I handed Tracie the file and rubbed my eyes, sleep deprivation had taken its toll. "Still nothing?" Tracie asked to read over the case summary. "Not yet." I shook my head and reached for her hand. "Hey, they will figure it out, you're stressed, it will all work out though." Tracie stood up and kissed me, her tender touch sparking a small smile. "Maybe the smell of Tequila will wake Gail up." Tracie grinned, pulling me towards the station exit.

"What are you picking up?" Tracie asked once we were outside, the gloomy day fit the current situation. "Holly asked me to grab Gail's boarding school track hoodie, a pair of baggy sweats and a flannel button up shirt. They told Holly that we could put Gail into normal clothes tonight as long as the shirt's a button front." I read the text from my phone, Holly had sent the list a few hours ago. "Steven!" Her voice instantly erased the smile from my lips. "They won't let me see her." She called as I slowed down, Tracie stared at me with wide eyes and I pointed to the car. "You don't need to hear this; I'll deal with it." I muttered, turning to face Elaine Peck, her pristine uniform hurting my eyes.

"The hospital is following Gail's medical guidelines, not that you would know though you've never gone to visit her when she's in the hospital." I chewed on my lip, attempting to control my temper; since leaving the last peck family dinner, I had the overwhelming urge to yell every time I heard her voice. "My daughter is in the ICU and that woman won't let me visit her." she glared and I shook my head, of course, her visit had nothing to do with Gail, Elaine simply needed to show she had the power to force Holly out. "That woman is the love of Gail's life mother, and Gail has written orders in her file not to let you into her hospital room. Holly's only adhering to Gail's wishes." I felt the chill as her shoulders squared and she stepped closer to me.

"The lawyers are working to remove her from Gail's room. She should be with family right now." Elaine turned her attention to Tracie, who watched us from the passenger seat of my car. "She's with family, mother, she has Holly, Me, Tracie, and 15, and she has Holly's family too. You're not her family and I will ensure you never set foot in Gail's room. You're not our family, your just a white shirt who meddles in the lives of her lesser colleagues." I laughed and opened my car door. "I hope you have a lovely day Superintendent Peck, unfortunately I have personal matters to attend to, and I have a family member in the hospital." Elaine stepped back as if my words had come with a physical blow, I knew that she would turn up eventually, Gail had been explicitly clear in her medical records. Elaine Peck was not permitted to visit her during her hospital stays. Holly had simply followed the request when Elaine showed up the night of her surgery, the security team from the hospital forcibly removed her from the building when she started shouting about being a Peck and high ranking in the Toronto police force.

When I walked into Gail's room with Tracie, I noticed Dov and Chris asleep on the couch, I wanted to question his sobriety whether or not he finished the program. Holly's head rested on the mattress, fast asleep, her hand resting on Gail's arm. I had learned my lesson the first night here; Holly wouldn't leave the hospital, asking her to only ended in an impressive verbal lashing and the silent treatment for a few hours. Tracie moved to sit near Dov and Chris while I walked towards Gail, I had noticed everyone's behaviors when walking in the room. Dov gave Gail an apologetic look and squeezed her foot, Andy stood at the foot of the bed for a moment, staring at her before taking a seat, and Tracie never looked at Gail, she walked in and found a seat across the room and stared at the walls.

I reached out and pushed Gail's hair back gently. "I need you to get better." I breathed as I kissed her forehead, seeing Gail broke my heart. I bent down and kissed the top of Holly's head before moving to where Tracie sat. The calm of the room only lasted for a few moments before Chloe came into the room holding 5 large pizza boxes, followed by Jason Stewart with plates and napkins. Dov's eyes shot up at the commotion and he quickly tried to adjust to the noise. "When did you spring him?" I asked, pointing towards Chris, who slowly sat up and stretched. "He showed up at the house this morning, Gail told him that she would pick him up from Edgewood, considering the circumstances, that didn't happen." Dov stared at Gail as he spoke.

"I didn't what to bring, I raided the vending machine." Nick muttered as he rushed through the door, in full uniform holding a cafeteria tray loaded with soda cans. "Thanks." Chloe smiled, rearranging the table to hold the pizza and drinks. Gail's room was crowded and cluttered; every department from 15 had sent flowers or stuffed animals. "What did I miss?!" Holly sat up and quickly glanced around. "Chris." She smiled and stood up, quickly wrapping her arms around Chris's lanky frame. I watched them for a moment before Jason sat on the couch and laughed. "Can you tell me this story, please?" He motioned towards Nick and Chris, an amused smirk played on his lips as he watched me. "Nick is Gail's ex fiancé, and Chris is her ex. Chris is a teddy bear though, he would do anything for Gail." Tracie quickly interjected before I could call Nick a piece of shit and Chris the ex druggie.

"So I'm sitting in room with Gail, Holly, and two of Gail's ex's?" Jason asked surveying the room and shaking his head. "We're a family at 15; we always have each others backs." Tracie leaned in and nudged me as Holly walked towards me. "Hey." She smiled quickly hugging Tracie and me before sinking onto the couch near her dad.

"Have they updated you?" I asked, staring towards the door, I noticed Bailey walk past the door with Shannon. Bailey told me last night that being in Gail's room terrified her, that she wished she could be stronger for Holly, her own fear of losing Gail made being in the room impossible though. I understood her standpoint; I hated hospitals, the only positive visits to the hospital were for births. "Dr. Payton's stopping by at 8 to update us on her sedation, her incisions aren't infected and her vitals are on target." Holly muttered before closing her eyes again, curling into her dad side. I had a feeling the nap was the first time Holly's slept since entering the hospital.

"So we don't hate nicked or Chris?" Jason asked, kissing the top of Holly's head causing her to laugh. "Chris is a teddy bear, we tolerate Nick." Holly laughed to herself before her body relax finally falling asleep. "I heard that." Nick mumbled between a bite of pizza. "I'm sure you were supposed to nick." I shook my head and stood up, I needed a moment to collect my thoughts the commotion in the room made it impossible to concentrate. I had no idea how Holly or anyone could sleep through the noise. "I need coffee, I'll be back soon." I smiled at Tracie before walking out of Gail's room, I noticed my dad standing by the nurses station staring at the teddy bear in his hands.

"Dad." I walked up to him and sighed. "You're allowed in there." I pointed towards the room and squeezed his shoulder. "I can't bring myself to go in there without your mother." He muttered and I shook my head. "If your here asking Holly to let Elaine in there please leave. After everything that's happened this year with Gail and her I understand her wish to have an Elaine free hospital stay." I shook my head and took a step towards the elevator. "She's worried, we're both worried." My dad fidgeted with the teddy bear his eyes trained on the pink fur. "Gail has an amazing support system in their dad, She is healing, she's through the thick of it right now she's out of the woods." I shrugged and watched him thumb the ear of the teddy bear; he slowly raised his head and sighed. "We don't fit into that picture?" he asked with tears in his eyes, he stared past me trying to hold them back. "Mom no longer fits into the picture, but you do." I reached out and wrapped my arms around him.

"Dad Gail loves you and she needs you, she needs the man who used to read her fairy tales in French even though he spoke remedial French at best. Please don't let mom stop you from being here for her." I breathed before walking away. In their nearly 40 years of marriage, my dad had turned into a trophy husband, a white shirt my mother could outrank and belittle. His unconditional love for her often left his relationship with Gail strained and tense; he never stood up for her or sided against Elaine. He had been a bystander in the years of emotional abuse Gail endured, She still loved him though, once a week they would meet for breakfast and he would be the dad she grew up with again.

"Will you go in with me?" my dad asked as I reached the elevator, his voice cracking the way that a child's would. "Yeah I will." I nodded and followed him back towards Gail's room. The commotion had dissipated now that the mob had been properly fed; Jason had moved to let Holly spread out on the entire couch; most of the chairs were occupied by Gail's friends. I watched my dad scan the room before turning towards Gail's bed, were she lay nearly motionless. His hands trembled as he set the pink teddy bear at the foot of her bed. "Please have a seat." Jason quickly vacated his seat next to Gail's bed and moved to stand near Holly. "Hi little bit." My dad breathed as the tears ran down his cheek, I had never seen my dad cry. "I love you, Gail." My dad cried as he pushed Gail's hair back and kissed her forehead. Slowly the room cleared, only Holly, myself, and my dad remained.

After a few moments of just staring at Gail my dad reached into his pocket, pulling out a gold necklace, he smiled at me before securing the chain to Gail's neck. "Get better my love, I'll be back tomorrow." My dad kissed her on the cheek before turning to Holly, who stared at him wide-eyed, the clatter of the room clearing woke Holly. "Thank you for looking after her, she's lucky to have you." My dad wiped his tears and hand his hand out to Holly. "I would like you to have this, they were my fathers." My dad let a silver chain slide between his fingers as he watched Holly, the chain catching the light in the room as it swung back and forth. "He claimed that they eased his mind when his family left for work, 3 sons on the police force after he had retired." My dad waited for Holly to reach for the chain, her fingers gingerly tracing the metal pendants. "St. Michael the archangel to protect you and St. Jude because we all need a miracle." My dad explained, taking a few calming breaths. "I would like to come back and visit if it's ok with you." Holly stared in my dad before she nodded. "Of course inspector peck." Holly nodded and my dad laughed. "Please call me Bill, we're family now." He smiled before quickly turning to me, I knew he was trying to control his emotions.

"See you soon." He squeezed my shoulder as he walked past; Holly stared down at the necklace in her hand, a bewildered expression on her face. "My dad has never taken that necklace off, not that I can pinpoint in the last 30 years at least." I smiled as I rounded the bed to stand near Gail's hand that didn't have an IV. "I should give this back." Holly muttered and I shook my head and laughed. "Please don't, he means for you to have them Holly." I reached down and adjusted the pendants now laying against Gail's chest.

"These were our grandmothers, they're a matching set." I turned to face Holly holding out my hand. "Your mother gave Gail a necklace?" Holly asked, placing the necklace in my palm gingerly. "God no, my mother scoffed at the meaning of the necklace when my dad tried to give them to her. Cops are supposed to be fearless, a trinket won't protect us." I muttered moving to stand behind Holly. "My dad kept his mom's necklace in a shadow box with her pictures." I clasped the chain around her neck and smiled. "What you just witnessed may be the defining moment in my parents' marriage." I smiled and shrugged. "People surprise you." I laughed and left Holly in Gail's room, I need a cup of coffee and Holly needed a moment alone to process the meaning of the pendants.

* * *


	20. COLLOQUY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: well looky here, I guess the three feet of snow in my yard did some good, wrote out the next two chapters! Yay go me! Should have another chapter up on Saturday!
> 
> Comment, favorite, follow. Tell me If you like it, if you hate it, where you think the story should go from here… I love hearing from all you!

**Gail**

I came to a decision, I don't fear dreaming, I absolutely loathe it. The voices and the commotion from the too bright white room had invaded the calm of the flat. My refuge had been ripped from me, and the constant presence of the disembodied voices that sounded underwater had caused a migraine. The lines on my palm were tender now; my sense of feeling had returned in a way, I still couldn't tell you if the carpet was softer than the hardwood floor, but my head pounded, my hands hurt, and my muscles ached for reasons I couldn't recall.

My eyes slowly fluttered open in a bright room missing the commotion I had begun to associate with the bright lights. My throat hurt, as did the rest of my body. Slowly the room came into focus, the tiles on the ceiling were a light shade of gray and the walls were stark white, I knew I hadn't woken up in the room from my dream. The faint beeping next to me drew my attention, as did the sound of soft snoring nearby. The dripping of a faucet startled me, I quickly assessed the situation, trying to determine if I was in the basement in Periks house, was this another dream. I quickly turned to the left and groaned, my body felt sore and stiff and my head foggy.

"Hmm?" a soft hum came from the other side of the room; I stared at the machines slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. The beeping had come from a heart rate monitor, keeping steady time with my pulse based on the wires coming from my shirt. I tried to push myself up, noting first the IV in my hand and second the sharp pain radiating from my side. The whimper that escaped my lips must have been louder than I realized as the rush clamber of feet on tile moved towards me.

"Gail!?" her voice sounded frantic, I couldn't focus on her, everything had blurred together. "Gail, lay back ok, it will hurt less." Holly hushed as I felt her hand on my shoulder gently pushing me back against the mattress. "I'm going to grab the doctor." She whispered before disappearing from my view. I had no recollection as to why was in the hospital, in such pain, or how long I had been here. My eyes felt heavy, opening them after blinking took effort and energy. "Dr. Payton will be here soon." Holly called as she rushed back into the room, I couldn't force my eyes to stay open. "I love you." I muttered through chapped lips as I drifted back to sleep.

-maybe 4 minutes." My brain woke up to the sound of Holly whispering softly. "But she woke up?" Steve asked, I had caught bits and pieces of different conversations every time I woke up, I couldn't force my eyes open, I only woke up for a few seconds before falling back to sleep. "Yeah, she tried to sit up." Holly whispered, I could hear a mixture of frustration and worry in her voice. I wondered how long I had been here, or how I had injured myself.

In passing I've heard people generalize their pain or discomfort as being hit by a bus, I never fully understood the colloquialism until now. The expansion of my chest with every breath I took excited a shooting pain from my side, my throat felt dry and scratchy, and my leg felt too large for my body. I wondered if a vehicle had actually hit me. "Has Dr. Payton been in?" Steve sounded tired, his voice lacking its usual finesse. Slowly I tried to force one eye open, I felt my eyebrow twitch and my jaw clench, small victories in my battle for vision. "He said she may be in and out for a few more days, it just depends on her." Holly muttered, her voice moving further away as I heard the sound of a zipper being pulled. "One day at a time Hol." Steve reassured her completely unaware of my battle to wake up.

"It's been 6 days Steve." Holly huffed, her voice suddenly agitated the footsteps followed the distinctive sound of socks on tile pacing back and forth. God I needed to open my eyes, to see her, to focus on her, to ease her worry. Had it been 6 days since I had last woken up or 6 days since I entered the hospital, I had a million questions. "Gail spent three of those days in a medically induced coma Holly. Dr. Payton told us that she would wake up when she's ready, that all of this is part of the healing process." Steve sighed, I felt like screaming, I couldn't find my voice though, I was trapped inside my body.

"J'ai montré mon chef d'oeuvre aux grandes personnes et je leur ai demandé si mon dessin leur faisait peur. Elles m'ont répondu: "Pourquoi un chapeau ferait-il peur?" Holly whispered, I could feel her fingers drawing patterns on my arm, waking up this time felt different I noticed, my eyes opened with ease and no longer felt heavy. She was reading le petit prince, my dad used to read it to me before bedtime. "My drawing did not show a hat. It showed a boa snake, who digested an elephant." I whispered finally focusing on Holly as I adjusted to the light in the room. The book in her hands fell to the floor as she quickly stood up.

"Hi nerd." I coughed before grabbing my side, the combination of coughing, moving, and putting pressure on my side hurt more than it should be possible. Holly's eyes darted to my side before she rushed out of the room, fresh panic etching into her face. My fingers felt warm and wet all of a sudden I couldn't bring myself to look, I knew the sensation could only be caused by the presence of blood. "Gail, I need you to move your hands ok?" a man with blue scrubs asked, rushing into the room; I slowly moved my hand from my side and brought them towards my face. Yep, blood not a significant amount, though, a positive observation I'm sure.

"you've torn a few of your stitches, I need to grab a suture kit and we will fix you right up ok?" the man asked and I just nodded, staring at Holly who stood at the foot of my bed, he pressed gauze to my side before disappearing. "You've lied to me from the beginning, huh?" I rasped letting my hands fall to the mattress, I wasn't sure what to do with them, they itched to touch her. "What?" Holly asked not meeting my eyes, her gaze fixed on the gauze the man had taped to my side. "You told me you would never wear my stuff, It didn't fit your style. That's my hoodie." I smiled, recognizing the University of Toronto crest on the front, Holly quickly glanced at the sweater and then back to my side.

"Are you in pain?" she asked as her grip on the footboard tightened, the tips of her fingers and knuckles turning white. "Come here." I muttered needing to feel her, to prove that I wasn't dreaming. Holly shook her head; I noticed the tears building in her eyes the pain that had replaced her warm and loving gaze.

"Ok, this will pinch you won't feel the stitches though." The man walked back into the room with a silver tray. "Glad you're awake Gail, you should limit your movement though, you're still healing." The man tisked as he pulled on white latex gloves. "How many?" I asked, I still could not remember what had happened, how I had ended up here. "How many what?" He asked, holding up a syringe carefully measuring from a vial of medicine. "Stitches?" I gripped the sheet under me, I hated needles and the one he held would be put into my side. "42 in total." He nodded, preparing the needle and thread to fix my stitches.

"Ready?" he asked smiling, I nodded and tighter my grip on the sheet. "This shouldn't feel too awful." He muttered quickly sticking me with the needle, compared to the pain in the rest of my body I could barely register the needle prick. "Alright, quick work." The man muttered as he placed three new stitches. "As I told you before limit your movements." He nodded while cleaning up; I let my grip on the bed sheet relax as Holly moved back to her seat. "Dr. Payton will be in once he's out of surgery; you have my number if you need anything." The man smiled as he left the room.

"It smells like you." Holly whispered as I studied her face, the dark circles under her eyes, and the slight swell of her bottom lip. "I'm wearing your hoodie because it smells of honey and gun powder." Holly repeated as I smiled at her, it had taken a moment but I could see her eyes softening. "I love you." I reached out to touch her cheek, needing to feel her skin. "I love you too." She whimpered, the tears felling from her eyes, I quickly wiped them away with my thumb. I wanted to climb out of bed and pull her into my arms.

"Be here when I wake up?" I asked, feeling the heaviness return, my eyes felt weighted, a sinking sensation suddenly radiating through my body. "Always." Holly muttered, turning to kiss my palm, I couldn't fight off my tiredness, the couldn't lift the weight as my eyes fell closed and I drifted back into my dreams.

I woke up in a panic, the beeping of the heart rate monitor became sporadic as I searched the room. I hated nightmares, they always showed up at the most inappropriate times. "Gail, Gail you're safe." Holly stood over me, her hands gently pressing into my shoulders, holding me against the mattress. "Concentrate on me, slow breaths, you're safe." Holly repeated, I reached up and grabbed her wrist trying to pull her off me. "Don't." I breathed, "I need to sit up, please." I gasped, trying to push myself into a sitting position. "Stop, let me adjust the bed." Holly pressed me back against the mattress before pushing a button on the rail of my bed; I heard the motor whine as the top of the bed slowly moved into a sitting position.

"You need to calm down." Holly sighed adjusting my pillow. "I'm sorry." I wheezed searching her face, she had bags under her eyes as she stared back at me. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Holly breathed pulling my blanket up to my lap, I reached out and touched her cheek, and she turned and smiled at me briefly before reaching for a cup on the table. "Slow sips." She nodded, holding the cup out, the water felt both soothing and felt as if I had swallowed razor blades. I licked my lips and finished the water to alleviate the dryness in my body. "More?" Holly asked, reaching for the pitcher, I shook my head and closed my eyes, my heart still pounded but my breathing had calmed.

"Come here please." I took her hand, trying to move her closer; she frowned and shook her head. "Please." I tugged and she took a tentative step towards me, her stare fixed on the mattress. "Please look at me." I whined, I hated that she could not look at me and I understood why, I no longer questioned how I had ended up in the hospital, my dream had answered the question in high definition detail.

It took a moment for her eyes to meet mine; the tears running down her cheeks broke my heart. "I love you." I breathed tugging her closer as she sobbed her chest heaving and her breathing becoming erratic. "I love you too." Holly nodded as I wrapped my hand around her neck gently pressing my fingers into the base of her skull.

"I'm sorry Holly." I pulled gently urging her forwards, her tears still falling as I pressed my lips to her forehead. Her hair smelled like cinnamon and her skin felt warm. "I've missed you." I breathed as I kissed down her cheek, gently pulling her forward to meet my lips, her lips tasted of coffee and salt. "I've missed you too." Holly pulled back and searched my eyes, I could see the fear and concern as she stared at me.

"Sit with me?" I asked, letting my arm drop to the mattress, I felt weak and exhausted. "I could hurt you." Holly shook her head as she wiped her tears, the worried expression coming back as I frowned. Logically I understood that moving too much could rip my stitches, but it had been over a month since she had held me and I needed her close. "Please?" I asked, chewing on my lip, I wasn't above begging. "I just need you to hold me." I stared at my hands; the scrapes on my palms from my dream were real, and were nearly healed. I hated hospitals; sick people stayed in hospitals, people felt obligated to visit people they barely knew. In my moments of consciousness, I had heard nearly every person from 15 in my room, I had heard Jason, Shannon, Bailey and I heard my dad.

"Tell me if you're in pain ok?" Holly asked, lowering the rail on the right side of my bed; I watched as she toed off her sneakers and sat on the edge of my mattress. After a moment of shuffling and readjusting Holly sat next to me, at least an inch separating her from myself, that inch felt like a mile, as if the Grand Canyon stood between us. The pain MEDs were wearing off bringing attention to the ache in my side. I hated the pain medication they had me on, my dreams were too vivid, too real, I needed to be awake for a little while, to clear my head.

"Is this ok?" Holly asked, pulling the blanket over her lap, her fingers idly playing with the seam as she stared forward. "No." I shook my head and reached out to still her hand, her nervousness worried me. "Please?" I asked raising her arm and leaning into her side, the pull and strain on my stitches made me grit my teeth.

"I love you Holly Stewart." I breathed against her neck. "So much." I kissed her neck, feeling her muscles relax, her hand gently pulling me closer. I could tell by her breathing that she had started crying again. "I'm here." I mumbled, pulling her down to me as I kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you Gail." Holly gasped as I wrapped my arms around her, needing to be close to her. "God, I fucked up." Holly groaned, trying to calm down and I forced her to look at me. "No you didn't, ok, I love you." I kissed her again softly, needing to comfort her in some small way, I didn't want to see her this broken up. "I love you too." Holly sniffled running her hand along my back.

I woke up in pain, the MED's had definitely worn off, it took me a minute to remember that I was in the hospital, that I had been stabbed, and that I had 40 plus stitches in my side. Holly no longer lay in my bed, the sheets were cold and I didn't see her bag. I slowly reached out and pressed the Call nurse button before raising the bed to sit up.

Oliver sat next to me, a ridiculous smile on his lips. "Hi Kiddo." He grinned, holding a chip bag in true Oliver fashion. "Hi Oliver." I groaned, trying to readjust my pillow and blankets, my back ached from laying down. "Did Holly leave?" I asked, surveying the room trying not to sound concerned. "Yeah, right, that girl of yours hasn't left the hospital since you came in, she went to shower." Oliver laughed crunching on a chip.

"You gave us all quite the scare." He gave me a once over as I winced, I could feel the placement of every stitch as they pulled against my skin. "Need me to call the doctor?" He quickly stood up as the same man from a few nights before walked in wearing black scrubs this time. "Ms. Peck if we need to stitch you up again, I'll tie you to the bed." He smiled, checking my IV and my heart rate. "My side's killing me, can I have pain medication, preferably something that won't knock me out." I asked, scratching my head, even my hair hurt as I moved it back. "I'll be right back." He nodded before walking out of the room; I still didn't know his name.

"Can you hand me that water?" I asked once Oliver had returned to his seat, my voice sounded harsh. "Yeah, sure." Oliver filled the cup before he handed it to me, his posture relaxing for a moment as he watched me. "How long have I been here?" I asked once I had gulped it down. I had a gnarly case of cottonmouth and the worst morning breath in the history of morning breath. "8 days total." Oliver nodded refilling my cup.

"How's Dov, he took a nasty blow." I remembered the attack, calling Holly, everything leading up to me waking up the first time. Part of me wished that I did not remember the attack, the conversation with Holly before leaving for work, the entire month leading up to it all. "Dov has a few stitches; he's back at work though." Oliver watched cautiously as I sipped the water, it didn't alleviate the dryness in my mouth but it soothed my throat. Oliver's worried stare concerned me more than Holly's.

"Have they found out why we were attacked?" I groaned setting the cup on the bed next to me, I heard Steve mention it to Holly when I couldn't open my eyes. "Steve's at the station right now sitting in a meeting regarding the case. They have a few leads, I don't know much." Oliver shrugged, I knew he wasn't telling me the truth, I decided to bug Steve about the case since his division had caught it.

"Want me to order lunch, I bet you're starving." Oliver smiled, trying to change the subject the chip bag crumpling on his lap. "You should eat, you don't have dietary restrictions, and it's been a week since your surgery." The man came back into the room with a syringe in hand. "Burgers?" I asked, the mention of food instantly made my mouth water and my stomach grumble. "Let me place the order." Oliver stood up and walked out of the room with his phone to his ear.

"This won't put me to sleep will it?" I asked the man as he readjusted my IV and cleaned the injection port with an alcohol wipe. "Nope, you should be awake and alert for a while, if you're still in pain I can administer stronger pain medication in 4 hours, it will put you back to sleep though." He smiled pushing the plunger on the syringe; I nodded reading his name tag. "Camden." I read aloud, trying to remember why the name sounded familiar. "Good, you can read." He laughed quickly making a note in my chart, He didn't look familiar, his black short hair and pale skin didn't strick a memory but his name did.

"You're friends with Holly, right?" I asked, feeling the pain in my side settle, the tightness eased and I felt as if I could breathe again. "Yeah we did our undergrad together." He nodded, returning my chart to the foot of my bed. "You're a doctor, why are you doing the nurses job?" I remembered Holly mentioning him, he had dated Rachel for a while and Lisa hated him. "Holly's threatened a few of the nurses, they refuse to come in here." He laughed, holding out his hand and easy smile playing on his lips. "Camden Links, pleasure to officially meet you." I shook his hand and smiled. "Gail Peck." I laughed, trying to imagine Holly angry with the nurses; she did not have a temper usually.

"I can come back up in an hour and walk you around; I imagine you are getting rather restless." Camden smiled, turning towards the door as Oliver walked through in with a triumphant smile. "I usually hate exercise, but please get me out of this bed." I nodded eagerly noticing that the pain had nearly disappeared, the stiffness remained but I no longer hurt. "I ordered you lunch too doc." Oliver picked up his bag of chips and shoved a few in his mouth. "Thank you Oliver, I will be back soon." Camden nodded before walking out of the room.

"Holly yelled at the nurses?" I asked slowly pushing myself up to properly sit, I needed to move, I feared staying in the same position for much longer would turn me into a statue. "Steve had to hold her back at one point, a nurse tried to push the wrong medication into your IV and she lost it." Oliver shrugged popping a chip in his mouth trying not to laugh. "Nick may or may not have a video of it happening." Oliver chuckled crumpling the chip bag and tossing it into the waste bin.

"Holly told us you woke up a few times, yet every time we came to visit you just slept. I started believing that Holly had hallucinated it due to the amount of time she has spent in this room." Oliver laughed as I stared at my hands, lost in my own thoughts for a moment. "I heard people talking, I heard you, and Steve, and I heard my dad." I muttered chewing on my lip. "I couldn't open my eyes, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't open them, I felt trapped in my body." I took a deep breath as he leaned forward and touched my arm. "You were healing; your body just needed the rest." Oliver smiled and squeezed my arm. "You're awake now, that's what matters."

Holly slept at my side, her hair braided and her sweats hanging low on her hips. It felt foreign almost, having her this close, I wondered if I had dreamt it. "Hey." Steve smiled from the doorway, his gaze shifting to Holly, who lay curled under my blanket. "Hi." I smiled, turning away from the TV, I had been awake for 6 hours, the longest period of consciousness yet. Camden had helped me walk around the floor for a while, Holly had stayed close watching as I slowly walked up and down the hallway. So far today Oliver, Dov, and Bailey had been to visit, Holly had fallen asleep during her conversation with Bailey.

"You're awake." Steve walked towards me and kissed my forehead, I would usually punch him for doing that, but I knew he had been worried. "How are you feeling?" Steve asked setting a duffle bag at the foot of my bed, he didn't look as worn down as Holly did but he looked tired. "Sore, happy to have my eyes open." I smiled as Holly moved closer to me, her forehead resting against my hip.

"It's good to see you with your eyes open." Steve nodded before sitting in the chair to the left of my bed. "How's the case, Oliver said you went in for an update?" I asked, reaching to pull Holly's glasses off, her face scrunched up and relaxed again as she pressed into me. "They've ID'd 3 of the guys who jumped you." Steve smiled and reached out for the duffle bag, I didn't know how to talk to everyone who came into my room, what pleasantries to use, small talk or no small talk. "Leo sent these for you; he thought you might need to refuel." He pulled a box of donut holes from the bag and set them on my lap; I grinned and quickly opened them.

"Dad's been here?" I asked with my mouth full; I had noticed the gold chain when I put clean pajama's on, seeing the extent of the damage for the first time. I noticed Holly's necklace when Dov showed up, how she thumbed the medal absently. "He's been here nearly every day, he sits and reads to you for an hour each time." Steve smiled as he relaxed into his seat, his eyes roaming the various items in the room, flower's, cards, teddy bears. "Huh." I shrugged, staring at Holly, god she's beautiful, what had I done to deserve her. "She's freaking out; whatever happened between you two has her torn up." Steve followed my gaze as I stared at Holly. I knew she was freaking out, I could tell by the way she refused to initiate contact, the way she stared at me with sad eyes. "She doesn't need to worry." I smiled, brushing the stray hairs from her face.

"I heard you talking about the case; it may have been a dream though." I sighed and turned towards him, his gaze falling to the floor as he nodded. "Mom caused all of this?" I asked, closing the box of donut holes, no longer having an appetite for them. "When she dug up information on Holly, she dug a little too deep. She overstepped her reach and upset the wrong people. The people who jumped you did it to send a message, from what we can tell from the three we have ID'd is that they're from five different gangs. Internal Affairs is conducting an in depth investigation into her actions, this case has brought up other issues with her and a few of the other white shirts." Steve's gaze stayed on the floor as he spoke. I suppressed the urge to laugh aloud; our mother had fucked up royally.

"Well." I let out a small laugh before shaking my head; I found the entire situation amusing. "She needed to learn not the dig sooner or later, Steve." I shrugged as he glared at me, his face turning red with anger. "Gail you're in here thanks to her, you died three times because of what she did." He chewed on his lip as I let his words sink in. "I died three times?" I asked, looking down at Holly, I knew she was awake; the steady, slow breaths had been replaced by shorter gasps.

"Have you not asked why you're here?" Steve stood up and started pacing along the room, his voice raising. "I was stabbed Steve, I remember the attack." I shrugged reaching for Holly's hand; I had not thought to question the extent of my injuries. "You were in surgery for 9 hours; they took part of your kidney and your large intestine. You lost so much blood." Steve stopped pacing and ran his hand through his hair. "Gail, you coded on the table three times." Steve muttered and Holly slowly sat up, pulling her hand from mine, I couldn't read her expression.

"The white room." I whispered to myself, trying to remember my dreams I had had. "What white room?" Steve asked, staring at me, his expression worried and annoyed. "I had this dream, I couldn't feel, I was in our flat and I couldn't feel the floor or the couch. Three times the room faded to this all white room with bright lights, I could hear people yelling and moving around, the room made me dizzy, I couldn't concentrate. It faded back to our flat after a few minutes though, to me on our couch staring at the walls." I glanced at the pink scrapes on my hands, reminding me of sitting on the couch, of not being able to feel, the dizzy feeling in the white room. I could feel the panic set in, my breathing speed up, my heart pounding.

* * *


	21. EFFERVESCENT

**Gail**

I sat cross-legged on my bed, staring out the window, it helped me collect my thoughts, I could feel their stares though. Holly sat in a chair by my bed, a mix of emotions showing on her face as she watched Dr. Dwyer. Today marked our first couple therapy session, and we had just begun to scratch the surface of our issues. "Tell me about your dream Gail." Dr. Dwyer smiled as I turned to face her. My dream had quickly turned into a nightmare, every time I fell asleep, I had the same dream and I woke up in a state of panic. Camden had replaced nearly every stitch on my body this week because of my nightmares.

"What's left to tell, I fall asleep and I wake up in a white room, and sitting across from me is my casket." I shrugged turning back to the window; the sun had just begun its descent, the sky turning an array of oranges and pinks. "Are you in the casket?" Dr. Dwyer asked readjusting in her seat, the notepad resting on her knee fell to the floor. "Yeah, as I walk over to it, I'm lying there, in my street clothes covered in blood." I shook my head; I could feel the slight scratching of a panic attack coming on, the slight increase in my heart rate and my breathing.

"Why do you think you're dreaming of your death?" Dr. Dwyer asked, picking up her notepad, she hadn't written anything down which seemed odd; her notepad in the past had been filled halfway through our session. "I died, three times. I shouldn't be here right now." I shrugged, watching the sky fade to deep purples and blues. I craved to be outside, to not be in a hospital bed feeling more trapped than I had when I could not open my eyes. "I signed a DNR, that if I coded not to bring me back." I felt sick, bringing up my dreams and the DNR upset Holly, she felt guilty for my dreams. "You put Holly in charge of your DNR, for her to enact it?" Dr. Dwyer asked, glancing towards Holly who sat pulling on her fingers anxiously.

"I couldn't." Holly took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. "I just..." she whimpered, her tears threatening to fall as she blinked. "I couldn't." Holly watched as I moved to the edge of my bed, reaching for her hand. "I'm glad that you couldn't." I tugged her towards me, needing her to be closer. "I'll be here until we're in our 80's bickering about who left the coffee pot on." I wiped her tears away as she stood in front of me, her hands resting on my thighs as I watched her. "My nightmare freaks me out. I could have missed this chance, the opportunity to be here with you. You gave me this change Holly" She took calming breaths, her lip still quivering as she moved to sit with me.

My dream freaked me out, I knew that I had died, three times, and the white room became my marker for that. The white room with disembodied voices could simply be a figment of my imagination, my brain attempting to wake up from my medically induced coma. I equated it to remembering each stop of my heart, the three chances to not come back to life. I had given Holly the power to enact my DNR because she would have the judgment to say that I wouldn't recover.

"Have you left the hospital, Holly?" Dr. Dwyer asked once we settled, my head resting on Holly's shoulder. "No." Holly shook her head reaching up to play with her necklace, an unconscious movement that made me smile, she found comfort in the action. "It's been 11 days since I've left the hospital." Holly muttered chewing on her lip, her tears had stopped and her breathing had calmed significantly.

"My suggestion, you both need time to cope with the events of the last 6 weeks, you should spend time apart, you should go back to work Holly, start sleeping at home, rebuilding your normal routine's. Time to collect your thoughts separately may allow you to open up." Dr. Dwyer stood up and packed her bag, neatly organizing her files and notebook before turning back to us. "Maybe write it down, write to each other, it can be easier than speaking." Dr. Dwyer nodded before checking her watch. "That's all the time we have for today, I'll be back tomorrow at noon." She turned and left the room, I had a session with her every day this week, alternating between single sessions and sessions with Holly.

"Maybe we should write the letters." Holly muttered, she sounded defeated and tired. "I have so much to say and it's impossible for me to tell you without turning into a blubbering mess." Holly watched me for a moment before letting out a long breath. "Ok." I nodded wrapping my arms around her; we both seemed to end up crying every time we tried to express ourselves. Maybe writing it down would help, we needed to find starting point at least, a way to break the ice.

* * *

I woke up suddenly, my heart racing and my breathing coming in short gasps, Holly slept behind me, her forehead resting between my shoulder blades. "You ok?" Holly murmured stretching out, her front pressing against my back. "Yeah I just need to stand up." I eased myself out of bed; I felt the trickle down my side as I stood up, I knew that I had ripped my stitches again. According to both Camden and Holly, the placement sucked and caused issues for most people; my sudden movements when I woke up were only prolonging the healing process.

I shuffled out of my room towards the nurse's station reaching up to gently press into my side. "Ms. Peck, how can I help you?" An older woman asked as I stopped in front of her. "I ripped a few of my stitches." I groaned leaning against the counter, my voice thick with sleep and my eyes were barely open. "If you have a seat over here I can page Dr. Links." She smiled, pointing towards the rolling chair on the other side of the counter, I moved towards the seat as her eyes went wide. "What?" I asked standing completely still. "How many stitches did you rip?" she reached out and moved my shirt up, I stared down noticing the large brown stain on the gray material. "I'm not sure." I moved my hand as she revealed the incision. "Oh wow." She gasped. Dried blood stained my stomach and now itched as it cracked and flaked off from my movements.

"Gail." Holly rushed out of my room in a panic, her eyes wide and her face pale. "She's here." The nurse called as Holly rushed towards me, her white t-shirt stained brown with dried blood just below her breast. "Are you ok?" she asked, glancing at my shirt and then at my face. "Yeah, I ripped my stitches in my sleep, I guess." I shrugged as Dr. Payton walked towards us with an amused smile playing on his lips.

"Dr. Links is off today, I will redo your sutures." He set a suture kit on the counter. "Oh dear." He muttered, moving forward, his gaze trained on the dried bloodstain on my shirt. "Do you have stitches left?" he asked, rounding the counter and lifting my shirt, I quickly turned away from Holly as she gasped.

"You didn't wake up?" Dr. Payton asked gently poking the edges of my incision; I had ripped at least 10 of the sutures. "No." I shook my head as he picked up the suture kit and led me back into my room. "Babe, can you grab me a coffee?" I asked when Holly came into the room in a clean shirt, I didn't want her to see my incisions. "Yeah." She nodded sadly before walking out of the room; Holly hadn't been in the room when my stiches were fixed since Camden had first replaced them.

"She worries." Dr. Payton muttered as I peeled my shirt off. I stared down at the 6-inch patch of dried blood that left my shirt stiff; I wondered how I hadn't woken up when I started bleeding. "She doesn't need to worry with the patchwork Doc; she's worried enough as it is." I gritted through my teeth as he cleaned the wound and wiped away the dried blood.

"We need to approach this differently. I'm replacing all of your sutures here with different stitches." Dr. Payton muttered as he organized the contents of the suture kit on my bed. "These will be deeper and harder to rip; we need to stop this cycle, your wound needs to heal." Dr. Payton shook his head and pulled the curtain around my bed blocking the doorway. "At this point we can't control the scarring, we need you to heal." I watched as he pulled out a vial of lidocaine and a syringe, quickly measuring out the dosage before meeting my eyes. "Lay back; this won't be quick." Dr. Payton tisked as I laid down.

Holly knew every doctor in this hospital; this is where she did her medical residency before moving to pathology. I couldn't imagine Holly working on living patients, she rambled when nervous and delivering news made her rambling worse. Dr. Payton had been her mentor during her first year of general medicine; he had introduced her to Dr. Etan, the best pathologist in Ontario. Holly trusted these doctors, and they all cared for her immensely.

"Can I ask why you won't let Holly be in here?" Dr. Payton asked once he had numbed my side and removed my existing stitches. "I look like a shark attack survivor, she's worried, I'm healing and the scars going to be gross. She seemed like she's would pass out every time Camden replaced the torn stitches." I muttered, watching him work, I had become desensitized to the needles; I found it oddly fascinating watching the sutures being placed. "What happens when you're home, you're together, and being intimate is difficult if you won't let her see you." Dr. Payton muttered, I knew he was right; the cuts were too fresh right now, when they were healed and no longer red and bleeding, it would be different.

"It's not my place to interject; however, I've watched her worry over you for nearly two weeks though. The fact that she hasn't left the hospital and Lisa and Rachel have had to drag her out of your room to shower shows how devoted she is to you. That type of love is rare." Dr. Payton breathed the fatherly worry in his eyes made me open up. "When we met I already had scars and she obsesses, she shouldn't see me this broken. These scars will remind her that she almost lost me and our lives need to move forward. I love her and she doesn't need to worry." I chewed on my lip as he started the process of redoing my stitches.

* * *

_Holly,_

_You're asleep next to me as I write this; I cannot seem to say these words aloud._

_I'm worried that once I'm out of the hospital, we will be different, so much is different already. You terrified me when you walked into my life, I knew you would ruin me for everyone else. I don't know how you did it, how you walked past my walls and coaxed me out of my shell._

I stared at the notebook sitting on my lap, I had started writing last night while Holly slept. I didn't make much progress though, I became distracted by the mewling noises she made in her sleep, the way her nose scrunched up and she mumbled under her breath.

"Ok, call me if you need anything, I don't care what time it is, I'm only 10 minutes away." Holly sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed, her overnight bag packed. Tonight would be the first time we slept apart. "I will, please try to sleep. Take a long bath with candles and sleep in our bed and not on the couch." I reached out and touched her cheek, as much as I wanted her to stay, I knew that Dr. Dwyer had a point; we needed a few hours apart, a way to return to normal life.

"I don't want to leave." Holly sighed, leaning into my touch, her eyes searching my face a mix of worry and desperation plaguing her features. "Neither do I. We can write our letters though and you can bring me the best donuts in the morning." I leaned forward and kissed her softly, the new stitches pulled less when I moved and I hadn't ripped them today, officially 24 hours stitch replacement free.

"I'll be back tomorrow when I wake up; I'll bring donuts and coffee, please be safe tonight and call me if you need anything." Holly kissed me again, her fingers pressing into my side as she lay me back on the bed. "Mhhm." I groaned grabbing her hand as she pushed my shirt up. "I love you, but I'll get excited and I'll hurt myself." I whimpered as she kissed along my jaw, for day's I've had this itch to ravish her. "I'm sorry." Holly pulled away, hovering over me with a sad smile, her hair creating a curtain between us and the rest of the world. "I love you." She kissed me quickly and moved off the bed. "I love you too." I watched as she walked out of my room, for the first time since waking up I had no visitors.

_Watching you leave tonight broke my heart, you have kept me sane since waking up, and it is selfish, but I want you here with me all the time. Waking up to your face every morning brings me peace, I'm not sure what I did to deserve your love, how I've managed to keep you in my life this long._

_Most of what I touch breaks, and right now, we're cracked, I don't know how to fix our cracks. I have never needed anyone the way I need you Hol, and we will figure this out together._

My eyes grew heavy as I wrote; my pain medication had been mixed with a sedative to prevent me from ripping my stitches in my sleep. The goal right now besides getting out of the hospital is not ripping my stitches, and healing. I knew that the issues between Holly and me wouldn't be resolved until my discharge papers were issued; the hospital has that effect on relationships, offering a temporary patch to issues, the patch disappears once the doctors are gone though. Until we were back into a normal routine and no longer waiting on doctors every day I knew that we would be stuck in limbo.

* * *

**Holly**

I shuffled into Gail's room just after 8 PM, the sight before me instantly brought a smile to my face. Gail sat at the top of her bed, staring up at the TV, Leo asleep with his head on her lap, Bailey asleep taking up a majority of the bed. Steve and Tracie cuddled on the couch near the window, and Bill Peck sat in a chair near Gail. I watched them all for a moment; they all seemed entranced by the television. Today I had gone back to work, rejoining the real world and leaving Gail for no less than 10 hours a day.

I made my way into the room gently dropping my bag near the door as I moved towards Gail, her hair sticking up in every which direction, her fingers absently playing with Leo's hair as he slept. "Hi." I breathed against her temple before kissing her softly. "Hi." She beamed up at me and turned back towards the television.

"Have you eaten?" Tracie asked slowly standing up and stretching; Steve moved to look around her towards the TV. "Yeah, I grabbed food before heading over." I nodded and turned to the TV, How to Train Your Pet Dragon 2 played. Gail reminded me of toothless, only dangerous when protecting someone or when she was in pain.

I kicked off my boots before climbing into bed behind Gail, careful not to disturb Bailey and Leo. I had felt off kilter being away from her all day. Gail smiled at me before leaning back against me, her head resting on my shoulder. I gently wrapped my arms around her waist content to stay this way for the rest of the night.

Soon after sitting down the movie credits appeared and Bill shut off the TV, his pristine uniform replaced by jeans and a polo shirt. "I should be heading home, I'll bring you lunch tomorrow." Bill bent down to kiss Gail's forehead as she pouted. "Bring cookies?!" she asked, watching him, he smiled and nodded. "Of course." Bill laughed, turning towards me; he reached out and squeezed my arm. "Have a good night." He made his way towards Steve and Tracie, who were packing Leo's backpack and clearing the take-out containers that littered the floor by the couch.

I sat back as they said their goodbyes and shuffled out of the room carrying the still sleeping Leo. "Hey." I poked Bailey in the shoulder, causing her to groan and sit up. "I'll leave too." She muttered, pulling on her shoes. "Thank you for bringing dinner and staying with Gail today." I laughed stretching my legs out thankful for the space on the bed. "No problem, mom and dad will be here tomorrow." Bailey waved sleepily as she shuffled out of the room.

I leaned in and kissed Gail's shoulder softly resting my lips against her skin, we stayed that way for a few minutes existing in a peaceful calm that had enveloped us. "I need to pee!" Gail whined, climbing out of bed, I laughed to myself as she scurried to the bathroom. While I waited for her to return I remade the bed, I needed to hold her in my arms, to let the stress of being away from her for so long disappear.

"Dr. Payton says I might be home soon." Gail smiled as she came back into the room, her hair no longer sticking up and her face wet. "Did he check your stitches today?" I asked, tying my hair up into a loose knot as she sat on the edge of the bed. "He said they're ok, that I need to stop moving, the scar will be gross." Gail muttered as she laid down, as a precaution they had replaced all her sutures with  _mattress stitches_ , they were less exposed and harder to rip.

"Sound advice." I shrugged laying down and opening my arms to her. "What time do you work tomorrow?" Gail asked moving to lay in my arms. "6." I leaned forward and kissed her neck as she squirmed. "What time are you leaving?" she asked once she had settled, her forehead resting against my clavicle. "I should leave here in a few hours." I sighed, checking the time, 9:15 didn't seem late, and I knew that I needed a decent amount of sleep to function at work though I should be leaving already.

"I can just sleep here." I muttered, trying to run my hand up the back of her shirt to feel her skin, she quickly reached down and stopped the movement. I wanted to comment on her distance, that her pushing me away when I tried to touch her hurt. "Our bed is more comfortable than this rock, home is closer to work, and you won't need to wake up retarded early." Gail smiled up at me, her eyes a foggy blue. "I'll be home soon. You can't stay here all the time Hol, we need to find normal again." Gail kissed my chin running her hand along my arm.

"I don't like being away from you." I mumbled as she slowly started kneading my forearm, her fingertips pressing gently into my skin. "It's only for a few days and I'll be home. Soon enough we will be back to fighting for the covers." She took a deep breath as the silence settled over us. Gail had been in the hospital for 15 days, I had been sleeping in our bed alone for the past three nights. I hated leaving the hospital knowing that she could have a nightmare and wake up alone. She had insisted that I sleep at home, we both knew we needed time apart to cope and collect our thoughts.

"Will you stop by tomorrow after work?" Gail asked, breaking the silence; she had been playing with my necklace for a while. "Of course." I breathed, checking the time, I knew I should head home and sleep, I wanted to stay here with Gail in my arms all night though, sleeping alone in our bed while she stayed here felt weird. Every time her stitches had ripped, had been when she woke from a nightmare, unable to control her body movements as she jerked and overstretched. The trauma had prolonged her healing, and her hospital stay.

* * *

I walked into my office to find Steve sitting behind my desk, a case file in hand and his hair messy, he did not look up as I walked in, he simply held out a paper coffee cup and turned the page. "Don't you have an office?" I asked, taking the coffee and walking towards the table quickly discarding my bag and keys. I had left the hospital at a decent hour last night, I couldn't fall asleep though, and my night had been restless and miserable.

"I came to return those." Steve pointed to the safety deposit box near the door, his eyes carefully trained on my face as I stared at the box. The contents of that box had nearly ruined my relationship with Gail; we had not even scratched the surface of that yet. I turned as Steve walked towards me tucking the file under his arm; he stopped and sat on the armrest of the couch before taking a deep breath.

"We know the cause of the attack, we have confessions, lists of people, and they don't need those anymore." Steve shrugged staring at the box, his posture relaxed as he shook his head. "Elaine asked the wrong people the wrong questions trying to dig up your past. She asked about your biological parents and the current leader structure of the cartel in Vancouver." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose as he yawned. "Some of the white shirts have gang connections and paychecks, they thought she was searching for an entry point for the cartel to move in and take over Toronto. The gangs banded together a cumulative retaliation to prove a point." Steve yawned again and stood up; I noticed the unshaved stubble on his chin and his wrinkled shirt from last night.

"They raided them last night; I've been processing them as they came in." Steve laughed, walking towards the door; his movements made him appear drunk. "All of this was a warning?" I asked, feeling sick to my stomach. "Yeah, and a show of power that went awry on both sides. Elaine's on administrative leave as of last night and 3 other high ranking officials were removed from their positions due to their connections with the gangs." Steve kissed my forehead as he walked by. "Tracie's taking me home before she starts shift, I'll stop by the hospital this afternoon to talk to Gail." Steve yawned again walking out the door; I stood in my office staring at the safety deposit box for what felt like an hour. I needed to get rid the files, I needed to move on, we all needed to move on.

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" Gail asked, pouting from the wheelchair I pushed, she hated being wheeled around; Camden would not let me bring her up here without it though. "It's a surprise." I laughed, pulling her through the doorway to the hospital Terries. I had bundled Gail in a blanket and heavy coat before bringing her out of her room, I hadn't anticipated the chill in the air when I had planned this out, I needed to make a point though.

"Holly take me back in its freezing out here!" Gail gasped wrapping the blanket around her tightly, her pout turning into a glare. "It will warm up I promise." I pushed her towards the propane heater and stopped in front of a large steel bowl, Gail grumbled under her breath as I quickly grabbed my bag from the bench behind her.

"That night you left, Bailey came over and offered up brilliant advice." I beamed as I helped Gail out of the wheelchair, pulling her towards the bench. "If you ever tell her, we will have issues." I laughed, dropping the bag at my feet and quickly pressing the on switch near the metal bowl, we both watched as the flames lazily licked at the stone logs. "She told me that our scraped knees and scars were what made us family, that we had bled for each other. She told me that I knew who my family is and that I've been the world's biggest bitch." I muttered as Gail nodded and shrugged, her eyes trained on the fire before us.

"You're not asking me to take a blood oath are you Holly? I'm sure Camden would kill you if I need stitches." Gail shivered before turning to me, while the propane heater was on and the fire before us had started pushing out heat, the chill still seeped through our layers. "No, I'm not asking you to take a blood oath." I rolled my eyes and unzipped the duffel back revealing the stack of green folders. "I learned more than I bargained for in terms of the people who contributed to my genes. I felt as though the words in these files would define my future. It didn't matter that 30 years had passed or that they didn't raise me, I panicked and built my walls twice as high." I reached out and organized the files into a large pile between us.

"It took me a while to realize that my family wasn't on those pages; those pages were genetic markers and case studies." I pulled a bottle of champagne from my bag and smiled as Gail's eyes lit up. "You're my family, Gail; you're the defining moment 20 years from now that I'll look back on and know that everything got better when you walked into my life." I turned to her, her gaze now fixed on the pile of folders between us. "I want to celebrate a new beginning, for both of us." I picked one last file from my bag before kicking it under the bench we sat on.

"It's corny, but I figured we could get rid of what we think defines us, the two points in our relationship that we both pulled away." I held out the file Elaine Peck kept on Gail. Steve had picked it up for me this afternoon when I concocted this idea. "These files don't define me and I don't need them anymore." I shrugged and placed them into the metal bowl, watching as the edges curled and charred, turning an angry orange color before igniting. The flames danced in blues, reds, and greens, the ink from the pages quickly painting the fire. Gail watched me wide-eyed as I placed the last of the files into the fire. It felt oddly gratifying, the wall that I had built between us both literally and figuratively turned to ash before my eyes.

"We're family now?" Gail questioned to herself before smiling at me. "I love you." Gail grinned tossing her file into the flames, her eyes shining as she turned to me. "I love you too." I smiled as she surged forward and kissed me, her lips crashing into mine with a need that neither of us could control. The kiss only lasted a moment before Gail groaned and pulled away, her face contorted in pain as she sat closer to me. "We need to continue this when I'm not stitched together like a rag doll." Gail groaned leaning into my side, her eyes fixated on the fire before us. "We have our work cut out for us. I'm in this Gail, I'm fighting for us." I breathed, opening the bottle of Champaign and handing it to her; she took a slow pull from the bottle before handing it back. "So am I." She rested her head on my shoulder, we stayed that way for a while, cuddled together on the bench watching the fire dissolve our walls.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The letters will be included in the next chapter. There is still a lot of drama coming up but things for these two are looking up.


	22. AFFIRMATIONS & VEHEMENCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter got away from me

**Gail**

"Steve I'm going to kill you!" I growled into the phone, I saw Dr. Payton walk into my room in the reflection of the tv. "Gail I'm sorry if I had known you were actually being discharged today I wouldn't have called her, they kept pushing back your release date, I figured it would be safe." Steve sighed as I pulled on my boots, home, as an idea seemed weird after spending over three weeks in the hospital. I would be in my home, my bed, with an unlimited supply of my own clothes in a few hours. "This isn't over Steven!" I threw my phone on the bed as I turned to Dr. Payton who stood watching me with an amused smile.

"Ms. Peck once we have your stitches out, you are a free woman." He set a quire of papers on my bed along with a tray for instruments. "Are you sure they should be out?" I worried pulling off my shirt, I hadn't ripped my stitches since he had replaced them all over a week ago. "You're healed, the stitches need to come out." Dr. Payton laughed, running an alcohol wipe over the first incision. The wounds were no longer inflamed and crusty, they were now pink and raised. "This may tickle but it shouldn't be painful." Dr. Payton nodded as he picked up the scalpel and cut the first suture, the sensation of the thread being pulled from my skin couldn't be described, I knew that I didn't enjoy it though.

"The areas will be tender for a while, you will need physical therapy, and you will be authorized to start work in 6 weeks, lite duty until your physical therapist says otherwise." Dr. Payton muddled as he moved to the next area of stitches, I couldn't contain the giddy smile that appeared on my face hearing him explain my after care, I would be home today and back to work soon.

"These are for you." Dr. Payton grinned once he had removed the last of my stitches, 52 in total; the number had increased with every tare. "I hope to never have you as a patient in the future Ms. Peck, give Holly my love, head home where you belong." He handed me the discharge orders and shook my hand. "Thank you Doc." I grinned bounding out of the room, noticing Chris by the nurse's station waiting for me since Steve had called Holly out to a scene an hour before her shift ended.

* * *

"What is that?" I eyed the oversized gray sectional that had replaced the worn leather couch in our living room. "It's a couch." Chris shrugged dropping my bag by the stairs as he made his way towards the kitchen. "Holly gave me the old one, it's in my apartment." Chris observed me as I eyed the couch, it had to be as deep as a twin sized bed with large gray pillows, it fit the décor in the room but still felt out of place. Everything besides the couch seemed to be exactly as I remembered it, I had expected it to be different for some reason, to not resemble the room I had been trapped in in my dream, but it felt right being home. "Holly mentioned that you didn't like the leather one and she wanted to redecorate." Chris held out a glass of water and sat on the other side of the couch.

"Yeah me and that couch would have had issues; I had weird dreams in the hospital." I mumbled sipping from the glass, it didn't feel right being home for the first time without Holly. "How's therapy?" I turned towards Chris, his unshaved face and messy hair suited him, he appeared healthier and fit. "Great! Oliver told me I might be able to apply for an administrative rotation in a month. I'll have weekly drug screens for two years after I'm reinstated, I can rejoin the force as active duty in 7 months if my therapy sessions and screens stay on track, I'll be a rookie again but I'll be back to work. I'll be under major scrutiny, if I stay clean, I'll be back on track in a few years." Chris shrugged glancing around the room, he hated talking about how much he had messed up his career as a cop.

"I plan on staying clean, I've had a rough couple of years, I can't do drugs and be a cop. I knew that in high school too, I couldn't play football and snort coke." Chris laid back and stared at the ceiling, his lips were pursed as he nodded to himself. "I'll kill you if you relapse Chris, you're my best friend and you need to be here." I laughed and picked up my phone to text Holly, needing a distraction from my uneasy feeling about being home with her.

**Love: Chris has chauffeured me home, I miss you and I wish you were here. Do you know what time you'll be doing?**

**Nerd: It won't be until late, I have three bodies**

**Nerd: I'm happy you're home.**

**Nerd: I can't wait to see you**

**Love: be safe, I'll be here when you're done**

"How are you and Holly?" Chris turned on the TV, we hadn't spent much time together since he had been replaced from rehab. "we're both in therapy working through our issues." I shrugged laying back, my eyes growing heavy. "I'm going to order dinner, what can I order for you?" Chris asked pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Anything." I shrugged checking the time; it was just past 5 pm. My energy levels were depleted and I slept for nearly 20 hours a day, the doctors had explained that my stress levels combined with the significance of my injuries would impact my sleeping patterns for at least 6 months until my body had fully recovered. "Wake me up when it's here." I pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around myself, letting my eyes close no longer capable of staying awake.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

I stood in the kitchen staring at my laptop screen hell bent on making dinner tonight. I needed something to keep my hands busy to ease my cabin fever. "Do you need help?" Bailey asked from her perch on the kitchen counter, she had been watching me with an amused smirk for nearly 20 minutes. "No, I'm going to make dinner and you'll deal with it. Leave, I can't cook with you watching me!" I growled, not looking up from my screen, I had no idea what dinner would actually be, I knew what we had in the house though, which narrowed down my selection.

"If you need me to run to the store, let me know." Bailey called as she walked into the living room laughing to herself. I continued staring at my laptop screen searching for a suitable recipe for dinner; I couldn't stand the thought of ordering in, we had cycled through every decent restaurant in Toronto at least twice in the last month. I heard the front door open and ginned walking into the hallway to find Steve. "you're not Holly." I pouted turning back towards the kitchen to continue my search dinner ideas.

"I brought you coffee!" Steve laughed, as he walked past the kitcchen setting a cup on the counter on his way towards the living room. I checked the clock, Holly should be home soon and I still hadn't the slightest idea for dinner. "Thanks." I picked up the cup and shut my laptop settling on the random combination of ingredients.

"Are you ok?" Tracie leaned against the counter, she seemed overly amused by my current state of annoyed. "I'm going crazy Tracie, I can't work for another month and I don't know what to do with my time!" I complained, setting the coffee cup on the counter with a pout, I had officially gone crazy while at home. I had rearranged the house, cleaned everything, and taken three carloads of junk to the donation center.

"You seem busy, therapy 3 times a week, physical therapy twice a week, and Holly mentioned that you took up knitting." Tracie laughed as I turned to glare at her; I had tried knitting only to find I didn't have the patients for the calming activity. "Tracie have you ever had two months off of work and done nothing, this isn't a vacation this is a torture test!" I threw a spoon at her as I pulled ground beef out of the freezer; pasta with meat sauce seemed to be the winning option for dinner.

"The fact that you're not having sex to release that energy can't help much." Tracie shrugged picking up the spoon; I almost regretted sharing that bit of information with her over lunch a few days ago. "We are still working out our drama, we haven't had an actual conversation about whats going on. We are writing these letters to each other and sex will only complicate the process." I turned and started pulling vegetables from the crisper in the fridge, in the two weeks I had been home, I had learned to prepare different sauces with tomato substitutes. "The emotionally aware Gail is kind of freaking me out." Tracie laughed as she walked towards the living room where Steve and Bailey were watching TV.

We had guests at least 5 days a week and the couch quickly turned into the best purchase due to the increase in company, we now had room to host more than 3 people comfortable. I hated the attention, not being alone helped pass the time between appointments and Holly coming home though. I had become engrossed in making bell pepper and beet sauce that I didn't hear the front door open.

"Hi love." Holly wrapped her arms around me, causing me to jump back, my heart rate picking up. "Don't scare me." I whined turning in her arms, smiling as her eyes searched my face, the crooked smile on her lips made my heart melt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Holly voice faded as she kissed me, her hands pulling me flush against her as she ran her tongue along my bottom lip seeking for entrance that I immediately granted. The kiss was slow and sweet, her hand running up the back of my shirt reminded me that we weren't alone. "Mhhm." I groaned, pulling away, watching her eyes flutter open and the pout appearing on her lips, I motioned towards the living room where she met three pairs of eyes.

"Hi!" Bailey laughed, turning back to the TV as Holly's eyes widened and she slowly stepped away from me, a shy smile playing on her lips. "Hi guys!" Holly waved awkwardly. "I need to shower; I'll be down in a little while." Holly bolted up the stairs as Steve and Tracie snickered to themselves.

"Pervs!" I called as I turned back to my tomato-less sauce, dinner needed to be finished so I could kick them out of the house. Tonight Holly and I planned on sitting down with a glass of wine and sharing our letters, it had taken almost a month to write them. I knew that it would take a while to read them, I had written Holly a six page letter; I knew that Holly's would probably be longer since she had a way with words.

* * *

Holly and I sat on opposite ends of the couch staring at each other, neither of us knowing exactly what to say or how to start. Holly and I had fallen back into a pre safety deposit box routine, cuddling, watching movies, and talking about work. We hadn't dealt with the fall out though, the post safety deposit box month.

"Can I grab you a glass of wine?" Holly stood up suddenly, her nervous energy winning the battle of sit or stand. "I had two at dinner; I can't stomach another, thank you though." I reached for my water that sat on the coffee table, apparently having part of your kidney removed meant limitations to drinking coffee and alcohol, my days of binge drinking at the Penny were over.

Holly walked into her office with a glass of wine and the bottle; I could hear the shuffling of paper as I played idly with the envelope on my lap. "I have a suggestion." Holly stated when she reappeared, an envelope in hand, missing her wine glass and the bottle she had collected from the kitchen. "If I sit out here with you, I'll watch you read my letter instead of reading yours. I'll read in my office while you sit out here or in our room, and we should reconvene in say an hour?" Holly asked, walking towards me, she seemed overly anxious, I knew she was right if we both sat on the couch we would never actually read them. "Ok, I'll stay here." I held out my letter trying to control the tremble of my hand. We quickly exchanged envelops and she bent down and kissed me softly. "An hour." She turned and walked back into her office.

I stared at my name written in Holly's calligraphic writing for a while before I turned the envelop over in my hand, taking a deep breath I ripped it open. I pulled out a stack of neatly folded cream-colored papers that smelled like old books. The tattered edges of the paper gave away their origin; they had been ripped from a medical journal Holly had purchase at an antique store as a kid, searching for a medical breakthrough in the handwritten notes and diagrams.

I put the paper to my nose and inhaled deeply, while I didn't share Holly's love for reading and all things nerdy, I loved the smell of old books. The way the paper seemed to trap the sent of the world from which it had been born. I took a slow breath unfolding the stack of papers, each page covered in Holly's immaculate handwriting.

_Gail,_

_I'm sure you're expecting a dissertation length letter about my complex emotions. I've realized that what I feel is simple._

_I love you and I can't lose you._

_Loving you came naturally, I didn't realize it had happened until it was too late, until I was in too deep to turn back. We were friends, or at least it started that way, you easily fit into my life becoming the most important part of me. Looking back at our friendship I see the signs, were we stopped being friends, where our relationship transformed into more than either of us were ready to admit at the time. When you kissed me in the interrogation room my world turned on its head, everything that was up was down and I could only think about kissing you again._

_When Tracie showed up at our door, I felt as if a piece of me had died, our relationship played out in my mind as I waited for the doctors to let me into your room. Like a movie playing, I saw you smiling at me, leaning in to kiss me, waking up in my arms, and every stupid insignificant fight we've had in the past year._

_One memory stuck out though._

_I kept recalling the first morning we spent laying around the house content with life, we had been officially together for a week, but it felt as if our lives had always been that way. Your head on my lap reading from your iPad while I edited case notes. We always had an easy rhythm, from the moment I walked past you in the woods we fell into an easy existence. That morning was the first of many and it felt as if we had spent a million mornings together already._

_I dream of a million mornings with you Gail, a million nights in your arms, and a million more I love you's. It's impossible because we only live for a short time and a million mornings would be over 2000 years, it still isn't an adequate amount of time to spend with you though._

_Sitting in your room waiting for you to wake up I thought of the things that had made me fall in love with you, the moments I had missed in my month of puerile behavior. I had missed the way you refuse to smile before your morning coffee, how you mouth the lines along with the TV. Your capacity to love amazes me daily, even if you try to hide it behind a claim to hate everyone and everything._

_I can't express my love for you in a letter, I can't express how helpless I felt when you were in the hospital, and I can't express how it felt when you opened your eyes and smiled at me. How I didn't deserve that smile after the last month I spent pushing you away._

_I felt trapped, I knew that I shouldn't push you away, but I didn't have control over my actions. I became obsessed with my biological family, with the idea that they would rewrite my entire existence because I had faces to put with the names. I had convinced myself that you would stop loving me, due to the fact that my biological family ran a gang._

_I asked Steve if your attack had been my fault, that they had learned that I had those files. I thought my past had caught up with me, the same people asking my parents for money had come back to collect. When Steve came back telling me that none of it had been my fault I still felt guilty, I had pushed you away that night. You thought we were breaking up when really I was desperately grasping at the unraveling threads of our relationship. Searching for a way back into your arms._

_When you left for work that night, I sat on the stairs replaying every detail of our conversation, wanting to turn back time, to walk into the house and kiss you, hold you in my arms, to simply exist around you._

_When they asked me about the DNR my heart crumbled, the jagged edges ripped at my chest, I couldn't lose you. I couldn't let that night be the end of our story, I couldn't let you go thinking that we were over and that I didn't love you._

_I fell in love with you against my will, I fell in love with my best friend who hated everyone, my best friend who dated men._

_I never expected you to love me back, to kiss me, to want me, or for you to anchor me in place, you did all of it, you brought hope back into my heart._

_I know that we have so much to work through; our problems won't be solved by words written on paper._

_I'm declaring to you that I'm in this, I'm fighting for us, for the way my heart skips a beat when you smile before kissing me. The way you touch me with such tenderness that I feel as if I might shatter if anyone else were to replace your hands. My soul screams your name Gail and I ache to be near you._

_You're it for me Gail Peck and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, I want a million mornings with you and a million more I love you's._

_Always,_

_Holly_

* * *

**Holly**

I sat in my office staring at the red envelope, I wondered if Gail was having a hard time opening my letter. Downing the remaining wine in my glass I reached out and pulled the flap from the shoulder of the envelope revealing the slate gray parchment paper inside. Ignoring the tremble of my fingers, I pulled the papers out and gently unfolded them, smiling at Gail's type font handwriting.

_Holly,_

_I've written and rewritten this letter a hundred times, I can't seem to put the words in the right order or make my thoughts come out clear. I'm sorry, this might not make sense and it may be a jumbled mess of random and incoherent thoughts._

_When you strolled into my life wearing gumboots and that green jacket that I may or may not have run over on our second official date, I knew you were going to change my life. You didn't put up with my shit and you laughed when I tried to be rude. I hated it at first, you didn't follow the patterns everyone else did when dealing with me._

_I didn't know if you would be the best thing to ever happen to me, or be the person who made me up my game. Right now I can tell you that you were both, you've made me a better person and I've upped my game because you're insanely smart and quick._

_Growing up I dealt with my mother telling me that I needed to uphold the Peck name, I needed to be the best cop and I needed to marry a guy that she approved of because our family had a reputation. I've felt out of place with my family my entire life, I never fit the mold my mother built for me and she never let me live it down._

_Every time I tried to live my own life I would be forced back on the Peck Family Path, earn a degree, graduate at the top of my academy class, be placed in a prestigious division in Toronto, and move up the ladder._

_I could follow the rules, I followed them to a T until Perik, until my nightmares turned into a reality and I shut down. If you ask Nick or Chris I shut down long before the Perik situation, it had only become easier to live up to being Gail Peck the Ice Queen after being kidnapped._

_When I break the rules, I go for broke. I went against my mother's wishes, I cheated on nick after he had been emotionally cheating on me for almost a year, and I shut down, reinforced my walls and stopped letting people in._

_You broke my rules, you showed up and I couldn't seem to keep my mouth shut. I told you about nick, and my fear of relationships and I had only known you for 5 hours. When I realized how close you were it was too late to push you away, you were in my personal space with that lopsided smile of yours laughing at my attempts to scare you away._

_I knew you were different the second I saw you standing at the station the day of the shooting, you were worried. No one has ever cared enough to worry about me, we were friends, and you showed up when I needed you even if I hadn't realized it. I knew that if I didn't work up the courage to kiss you then and there that I would never have another chance, when you kissed me back you sent my world into a tailspin. My rules went out the window and I lost control._

_I've fallen irrevocably in love with you over the past year, you've been patient with me and you've taught me how to be patient with myself. You've never tried to change me, you challenge me, you teach me, and you love me in return. You are everything I never knew I needed in my life and I'm honored that you have chosen to be with me._

_I'm sorry for the drama my mother has caused, and I wish more than anything that I would have done more to protect you from her. Watching you struggle with the information about your biological family tore me apart, I didn't know how to be there for you, how to help you through it, or what you needed from me._

_I'm sorry that I didn't fight for us or for you, that I turned into the old Gail who has the emotional depth of a rock._

_I Love you, and I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make up for the last few months. My hospital stay only added stress to an already impossible mountain of issues, but I'm healing, you are helping me heal in ways that I didn't realize I had been broken. It will take time for both of us to heal and I know that we can get through this together._

_I'm always going to be here for you, I may not understand all of your problems, but I will do my best to help you through them. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything, I love your voice and the way you ramble._

_My dad told me that loving a person is often the hardest thing a person does in their life, you can't control your heart and you can't control the other persons either. We have to accept every piece of the puzzle that makes a person whole. You can't pick and choose, each piece is vital in creating the picture (I've learned that my dad is a sap this month)._

_Our picture is still forming Hol, we have all the pieces we just need to figure out how they're put together and I look forward to building my life with you if you'll have me. I imagine us sitting on the porch to some nursing home when I'm 80 watching the sunrise reminiscing about what an amazing life we had together._

_You are my person and I love you._

_Gail_

The tears freely fell down my face as I read her words until I couldn't control my own movements as I walked into the living room. Gail sat in the corner of the couch staring at the scattered pages of my letter, a tissue balled in her fist. I moved slowly to sit with her hoping to not startle her, her eyes slowly left the pages as I sat down.

"To say I love you a million times, I'll need to say it at least 60 times a day for the rest of my life." Gail laughed as she collected the pages and set them on the coffee table as I started to cry again. "I love you." I pulled Gail into my arms, needing the contact, a way to anchor myself to this moment. "I know, you show me you love me every day Hol." Gail cried burring her face in my shoulder as she fisted my shirt. We stayed that way for a while, holding onto each other with a desperate grip. My ringing phone brought us back to reality.

"It's ok, we can talk about this in the morning." Gail smiled kissing my cheek as I pulled my phone from my back pocket, I wanted to stay here with her, to talk about everything we had written, to hold her close to me. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I leaned forward and kissed her, her lips were salty with tears but it was easily one of the best kisses we had ever shared. "I love you." I breathed when I pulled away and walked towards the entryway. "I love you too." Gail smiled from her place on the couch; she reached for the letter and stared down at the pages once again.

* * *

I came home from work to find the entryway to the flat painted a deep shade of gray, the rug by the door was missing, and the vanity had been replaced by a floating desk, the coat rack by a shelf with hooks, and a shoe rack. I searched the small room confused, wondering for a moment if I had walked into the wrong flat. "Is it ok?" Gail stood in the kitchen doorway, a concerned expression playing on her lips. "Yeah." I decided as I hung up my coat and took off my shoes placing them in the empty space on the shoe rack.

The living room had once again shifted, the table and couch moved to face the opposite direction and the shelves housed knew knick-knacks. "Thought we could shake it up." Gail walked into the kitchen, she had rearranged the living room at least 6 times in the 15 days since she had been out of the hospital. "Looks great." I nodded, moving around the room, I seemed to find new stuff every time I came home, either a different lamp, a throw blanket, pillows, or the table.

"Not that I don't appreciate the entry way or how you redid the living room, I do." I moved toward the kitchen, worried that my new interior designer had an ulterior motive for the constant changes. "Why have you been changing everything?" I sat at the counter staring at Gail's back, she turned to regard me for a moment as she placed a wine glass in front of me. "Don't freak." She sighed, pushing a piece of paper towards me. "That's no way to start a conversation Gail." I sighed as she pulled the paper back to her before I could read it.

"Ok, the bottom floor freaks me out, when I'm here alone and it's quiet I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Dr. Dwyer says it's an association trigger, I associate my dream to dying that the house would have the similar effect." Gail sputtered turning back towards the stove. The redecoration suddenly made sense, making the bottom floor of the flat different from the room in her dream.

"I'm broken and my issues are only getting worse." Gail sighed bracing herself against the counter; I quickly moved from my seat towards her. "You are not broken Gail. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, the strong and brave woman I love so much." I pressed my lips to her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her waist. "You are not broken." I breathed again filling her relax against me.

"I want to move." Gail sighed, turning in my arms, her eyes a clouded color I hadn't seen before, she seemed conflicted. "We only just moved in together officially, but I found the perfect place for us. A place where we can spend a million morning's laying around." She searched my face as she pulled away from me. "It's a commitment. You asked for a million mornings and I want sunrises with you when I'm 80, I figured that meant something." Gail rambled as she walked into the living room, I had never seen her this nervous.

"Let's move." I followed her into the living room, her eyes shot up surprised. "Gail, let's move. Simple, I go where you go." I watched her take a few deep breaths while walking back into the kitchen wiping her hands on her jeans. "Here." Gail held out the paper again, her hands shaking slightly. "A house listing?" I read over the printed information.

Three bedrooms

Three bathrooms

Two stories

Finished basement apartment

185 sq. meters

Alyesworth Avenue Toronto, Ontario

"I figured a bedroom could be your office, and the basement can be for the guests, and the third room for whatever." Gail watched me as I nodded slowly reading over the print out again, I knew the neighborhood, and it wasn't not far from work. "It's just an idea, we can stay here, and I can get over my drama." Gail rambled quickly pacing in front of me, her hand in her hair as the other one gestured wildly. "You love it here, I can learn to love it again." Gail swallowed as I reached out and touched her arm causing her to stop pacing.

"Let's call and check it out, if not this house we will find one soon ok." I nodded, pulling her into my arms, she was shaking and sweaty. "Why don't we find a restaurant for dinner tonight?" I asked, hoping I could help her calm down, I could tell she teetered the verge of having a panic attack. She had had a few since waking up in the hospital; they always started with her rambling and sweating. "Ok." Gail nodded quickly, I ushered her towards the doorway to put on her shoes. "I'll be right back, I need to change." I made sure she was busy with the laces on her boots before darting up the stairs to change into jeans and a sweater. When I came back, Gail stood in the entryway pulling on her coat, her hands were trembling as she tried to fasten the buttons. I pocketed the house listing and ushered her out the door; hopefully a few hours away from the house would calm her down enough to have a conversation.

Once we were sitting in the back booth of the nearly empty diner Gail seemed to relax, her breathing had calmed significantly from her near hyperventilation in our flat. "I didn't mean to ambush you." Gail stared past me as spoke she seemed frustrated and exhausted. "You didn't ambush me, its ok." I nodded as she forced a small laugh. "Holly, you were home all of 30 seconds and I was begging you to move. That wasn't my plan, I planned on meeting you at the door with a glass of wine, we would discuss your day, I would explain the weird feeling I have in the house when I'm alone and then I'd bring up houses." Gail shook her head and stared down at the table, her eyes refusing to meet mine.

"I've been trying to start that conversation for a week." Gail shrugged and I reached across the table to touch her hand. "I feel disconnected there, it used to be home, it's been home since we were only friends. Now it feels as if something's going to jump out at me. Dr. Dwyer says its normal, I feel like I'm losing my mind though, when no one is there I hide in our bedroom, it feels safer there." Gail moved to lace her fingers with mine as her eyes raised to my face. "I feel safe when your home, and you can't always be there and I am trying to not be needy." Gail's eyes burning into mine as she teamed up, I moved to her side of the booth and pulled her into my arms.

"I wish I could be there all the time Gail, I hate leaving you, and we both get to be needy right now. I'll take tomorrow off, and we can talk to the bank and look at houses." I breathed against her hairline; I wanted to take away her fear and her worry. "God I've turned into a baby." Gail sniffled, her eyes were red and her pouting lips made it hard not to kiss her. "I hate crying and I've cried too much the last few weeks." Gail wiped her face attempting to control her breathing. "Again, its ok. In a few weeks you'll have control again." I squeezed her hand and moved back to my side of the booth.

"I never doubted that you love me." Gail said after a while, her voice still shaky, her tears seemed to fall freely from her eyes. "You said that you couldn't let that night be the end of our story, I thought we were breaking up, but I never doubted that you loved me, even when you weren't talking to me, in the moments we were in the same room I saw it in your eyes. I've never been loved the way you love me Holly, completely and unconditionally." Gail watched me, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, we had both cried more in the last few weeks than we had cried probably in our lives.

"I just figured I wasn't enough, that I didn't love you the way you needed. My mom caused it, I figured it hurt too much for you to be near me, I'm the reason you were learning anything about your parents." Gail idly ripped the napkin on the table into tiny shreds. "I wasn't enough for my mom, or the guys I dated." I closed my eyes shaking my head. "Gail, god." I breathed when I met her eyes; her blue eyes were shockingly more entrapping when she cried. "You've always been more than enough; you've always been what I needed." I took off my glasses and wiped my eyes.

"I took it out on you, you were close. When I yelled at you about your boots, I saw you break; The tears in your eyes as you walked upstairs." I tried to stop crying, every attempt just seemed to make it worse. "I cried myself to sleep that night because I had hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you, to be the cause of that pained expression, the reason you cried. I tried to follow you and hold you and tell you how sorry I was, I couldn't move though." I used the sleeve of my sweater to wipe my tears again, the way she just stared at me tears falling from her eyes cause my breath to catch in my throat.

"By the time I made it up the stairs to our room you were asleep clutching the pillow tightly. You pulled away from me when I touched you and I broke. I figured it was a matter of time before you stopped coming home, I hadn't given you a reason to want to be with me, weeks went by and I couldn't stop being an asshole." I licked my lips roughly and sighed.

"I broke down with Bailey the night you left, your hoodie hanging in the bathroom broke the damn, you always wore my hoodies. Bailey refused to leave without an explanation, she demanded to know why I refused to talk to mom and dad, why you had made dinner and neither of us had eaten. I treated them horribly, and they were there when I needed them." The broken sob I had been holding back escaped my lips.

"Bailey couldn't stay in your room for longer than 4 minutes, she stayed at the hospital when she didn't have to be at work, lurking somewhere when I needed her." I noticed the server walking towards us with a weary expression, I could only imagine how the situation looked, two women sitting in a dinner both crying uncontrollably. "Can I get you coffee or tea?" She asked, setting a pile of napkins on the table, she must have been watching us for a while. "Coffee please." I nodded, picking up a napkin and wiping my eyes. "Hot tea please, and a plate of French fries." Gail nodded, her eyes never leaving mine. "Coming right up." The server hurried towards the kitchen.

"Bailey wouldn't stay in my room because she was afraid of you." Gail's eyes closed for a moment as she collected her thoughts. "She was afraid of what would happen if you lost me, that sitting in my room with the possibility of me not waking up scared her too much. She thought you would make her leave if she hovered, she wouldn't leave you to deal with it on your own." Gail took a deep breath and placed her hand palm up in front of me, I gently placed my hand in hers.

"They no longer smelled like you; they all smelled like me no matter how I washed them they didn't smell the way you smell. That's why I stopped wearing your hoodies." Gail stammered, running her thumb along the back of my hand. "That night that you yelled at me, I desperately wanted to come home and lay in your arms all night, everything frustrated me, work, my mother, I had been called to a house, a kid an been beaten within an inch of his life and it all piled up." Gail's thumb stilled as she took a deep breath.

"We need to move past this Hol, a clean slate, to be done with all of this shit keeping us apart." Gail reached for the napkins sitting at the edge of our table. "To ensure the past doesn't repeat itself, we need a plan, a way to work out our issues." Gail pulled a pen from her coat pocket and set them both between us; the server reappeared with our drinks and plate of fries. "Thank you." I nodded up at her as she smiled and set a notepad on the table and walked away.

"First." Gail took the top of the pen and grabbed the notepad pushing her tea and the fries out of the way. "We never sleep apart, if we fight, we fight but we always share our bed." Gail watched me and I nodded. "We take time if we need it, we set a time limit." I nodded as Gail raised her eyebrows. "Two hours, we can ask for a two hour to collect our thoughts, but we always come back." I nodded and Gail added it to the list. "No silent treatment." Gail sighed and set the pen down for a moment.

"That was the worst. When you were yelling at me at least you were looking at me, you were talking to me. When it all stopped and you shut down completely it terrified me. No silent treatment, we talk, we fight, we do whatever we need. But we don't go days not talking though." Gail gulped and I nodded, I hated that I hurt her. That we were clawing to find normal again.

"Date night once a week." I picked up my coffee cup blowing softly on the steam. "One night a week with just the two of us, I don't care if it's just us on the couch with movies. One night a week we disconnect from everything else and we connect with each other." I smiled when Gail nodded and added it to the list, my tears had stopped falling and I felt as if the elephant that had been sitting on my chest for the last 8 weeks finally stood up and moved on. "We should continue going to Dr. Dwyer." Gail sighed, bringing her teacup to her lips, I watched her slowly sip from it, the drop and rise in her neck. "She's been helping and maybe it will be beneficial, keep regularly check in's." Gail licked at her lips as I nodded. "I agree." I picked up a French fry and laughed softly.

"What?" Gail's eyes shot up suddenly worried. "I just never imagined you would suggest prolonged therapy." I shrugged as Gail rolled her eyes at me. "We should also have a joint checking account for bills, at least for the house, if we buy one." Gail exhaled adding to the list, her writing precise, she had explained to me once that she and Steve had to endure hours of chirography classes when they were younger to perfect a neat and legible script. "When we buy a house, not if." I countered sipping my coffee as she continued to write.

"Anything else we need to add?" Gail asked setting the pen down and trading it for her tea, cradling it with both hands. "Not that I can think of right now, we should leave it open for thought." I sat up a little and leaned across the table. "I love you." I murmured, kissing Gail quickly, we had finally had a conversation, the first of what I assumed would be many, but we had started the conversation at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post A/N: You made it, hopefully there were not too many errors in this chapter.
> 
> I love hearing what you think about the story so please feel free to yell at me or to say hi!
> 
> In addition, if you have any prompt ideas I would love to try them!
> 
> The next chapter will be up for Valentine's Day.


	23. INAMORATA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> This chapter rate M...you know why ;)
> 
> Thank you to C+shields & 2015CF for the ideas, I hope you like how it turned out.

Gail

It took us less than three days to find our dream home, and a month to close on the final deal. We could envision it as our home, the place where we could grow and we could live our lives together. It happened by happy accident, on the way to a listing we got lost and saw the for sale sign, its two stories, made of brick with a bright red front door. We had 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement and a two car attached garage. The built in floor to ceiling bookshelves in the living room sold Holly almost instantly, I fell in love with the two-person Jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom.

"What are you and Holly doing for Valentine's Day?" Tracie asked from the kitchen, she worked unpacking one of the million boxes that cluttered the main floor, or at least it felt that way. "This is my present Tracie." I shrugged, taking a bunch of broken down boxes into the garage; we still had a lot of work ahead of us to turn the house into a home rather than the storage facility it currently resembled. "For Valentine's Day I'm giving Holly a completely unpacked house, she hates the process of moving and this is my gift." I muttered walking back into the living room to continue organizing the books, starting on the box marked k-m; Holly's books needed to be in alphabetical order for her to sleep peacefully at night.

"I'm willing to put money on her freaking out by the way; you're not supposed to do strenuous activity." Tracie laughed organizing the glasses into a cupboard. "The internet, security system, and the cable are all running!" Steve called triumphantly as he ran up the stairs from the basement. "Holly took off what, two weeks from work to move didn't she?" Tracie asked, holding a beer out to Steve with a smile; he accepted it and kissed her before walking into the living room to deal with the remaining electronics that needed to be assembled.

"They made Holly take time off work, use it or lose it, they won't pay it out to her. In the 4 years that she's been with the department, she's never had a sick day or used her vacation time, until this all happened." I motioned towards my stomach before staring at the books in front of me; it felt oddly satisfying to see Holly's medical books mixed with my policing books. "I'm doing a lot yes but Holly needs to relax during her two week forced vacation, packing and moving don't need to be on her to do list." I shrugged arranging the books in their respective order; I knew Holly would inspect them once she came home.

"When's Holly back from Tennessee?" Steve asked, moving the TV around to connect the mess of cables to it. "In three days." I sighed wanting time to move faster; I had become sickeningly needy over the last two months. Holly had flown to some fancy body farm in Knoxville Tennessee four days ago, she had planned the trip before we moved into the flat together and I refused to let her break her commitment.

"We should have this place unpacked tomorrow; Dov and Chris are coming by right?" Tracie asked, her eyes following my movements as I picked out and placed random knick-knacks and collectables between the letters on the shelf. "Yes, they're stopping by in the morning at 10 to set up the furniture in the guest rooms." I nodded, smiling when I reached into the box and found it empty, I quickly collapsed it and moved on to the box labeled m.2-n.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we worked, the house appeared to be semi set up, the furniture in its rightful place and the boxes were slowly being removed from the main floor. I knew that our bedroom would be quick, the closet had been deconstructed to keep everything organized, I had to take the hung clothes out of the wardrobe boxes and hang them in the closet. Luckily we only had books in mass quantities, every other room seemed bare compared to the boxes that needed to be organized onto the bookcases.

"What did Dr. Payton say, when will they let you come back to work?" Steve asked walking to the kitchen to replace his beer. "That I'm not allowed to start working for, another 6 weeks, or at least that's when I can redo the stress test. I can't start back until I pass the stress test and the academy physical." I groaned cutting open the box, I had been out of work for over 2 months already. "My stress levels are too high, the fact that I can't seem to sleep longer than two hours a night has them worried." I muttered, I hated not working the past two months had tested my sanity and my patients in ways I never thought possible. I wasn't cut out to be a house wife and I knew I had driven Holly to the brink of insanity a few times.

I quickly glanced around the room happy to see that we had at least made a significant dent in the mountain of boxes that had been moved into the house this afternoon. I had two days to unpack the house before Holly came home, I planned on pampering her and showing her that I could take care of her too.

I stood in the airport baggage claim area clutching a red teddy bear, Holly's flight had been delayed 3 times and she had just landed 7 hours later than she originally planned, the clock read just after 1AM. I watched eagerly as the passengers came down the escalator, appearing to have survived the apocalypse with disheveled clothing and messy hair. I grinned when I saw Holly yawning at the top of the group, the lazy sleepy smile I loved appearing on her lips when she met my eyes, god I had missed that smile the last week.

"You didn't have to pick me up; I could have caught a cab." Holly breathed dropping her carry-on bag by my feet and wrapped her arms around me, the smell of her body wash and shampoo had faded but I could still smell the faint lingering notes as she held me in her arms. "I wanted to see you." I kissed her just below her ear, her warm skin felt amazing against my lips. "I've missed you." Holly muttered kissing me, her lips setting a lazy pace for a moment before she pulled away and smiled.

"Happy valentine's day." I grinned, holding the teddy bear out to her, she leaned in to kiss me again this time with more determination. I wanted to pull her closer, to let the kiss get carried away, I knew that even though the airport seemed deserted we were still in public. "Your gift is in my bag." Holly smiled down at the teddy bear lacing her fingers with mine.

We stood shoulder to shoulder as we waited for her luggage to tumble down the carousel her hand clutching mine, I couldn't contain the smile on my face from having her home. Once we had collected her bags I lead her to the car, gently pressing her against the passenger door to kiss her, needing to feel her lips.

We broke the kiss when she could no longer suppress the yawn demanding to be let out, I opened the passenger door for her and let her climb into the seat. "This is for you, I figured you could use non-airport coffee." I handed her a travel mug filled with steaming coffee once I had my seatbelt on, I needed her to be semi-alert when we arrived to the house. "Thank you." Holly smiled, taking generous gulps from the cup, I waited for her to finish the coffee before pulling out of the airport and onto the highway, amused that Holly hadn't commented on the fact that I had driven in the opposite direction of the flat. "I'm not looking forward to all the packing, and unpacking. I need coffee in an IV to survive this move." Holly groaned her head resting back against the seat as her eyes closed.

"The prosses will be quick, I promise." I smiled to myself feeling nervous about the surprise, the lack of traffic made our trip only 10 minutes. "Why did you drive this way?" Holly asked opening her eyes when I pulled off the highway, a confused furrow appearing on her brow. "I have a surprise." I grinned driving through our neighborhood towards our house that sat on the corner. I pressed the garage door opener and watched as the furrow between Holly's eyebrows deepened seeing her Jeep sitting in the second bay in the garage.

"Gail." Holly muttered when I parked the car and rushed towards her door. "You hate packing. I wanted to ease the process as much as I could considering this move is my fault." I reached out and took her hand helping her out of the car. "We unpack this week?" Holly asked while I fumbled with my keys my hands shaking with nervous excitement. "I had other plans for this week." I laughed once I had finally unlocked the door, I ushered her into the entryway and flipped the light switch revealing the organized main floor of the house.

"Gail." Holly took a tentative step towards the living room, her eyes going wide when she realized what I had done. "You hate moving, I promise that I didn't do all of this myself, Tracie helped me unpack, Steve set up the TV's and stuff, and Dov and Chris did the guest rooms." I quickly sputtered watching's Holly's eyes slowly sweep the room, an expression of awe and confusion on her face while she took in the details. "This is the best present ever." Holly smiled turning towards me and pulling me into her arms, her lips instantly taking purchase of mine.

"Still dreading this week?" I asked when she broke the kiss, a yawn ripping from her lips, she glanced around the room again and turned to me. "No, I'm looking forward to finding everything now." Holly nodded and took in the room, I reached for her hand lead her up the stairs, the dreamy dazed look on her face gave away her lack of energy. "First you need to find the bed, you must be exhausted." I walked her into our bedroom expecting her to protest, but she just nodded and walked towards her side of the bed. "In the morning I will give you the 5 cent tour." I walked back towards my side of the room to turn on my bedside lamp.

"Are you going to spend the night with me?" Holly asked watching me, her eyes barely open. "yeah let me lock up." I walked to the doorway and turned on the touchpad that controlled the features of the house, I turned off the main floor lights and made sure the doors were locked and the alarm had been set. "Is sleeping here better?" Holly asked, watching me slip out of my jeans, her eyes roaming my legs. "I've stayed at Tracie's since you left, it's our first home, and we should spend our first night in it together." I collected her jeans from the floor and dropped them in the hamper.

"I love you." Holly smiled once I had settled into bed, she moved to press against my side, her arm draping possessively over my waist. "I love you too nerd." I turned towards her and breathed her in, happy to be back in her arms anchored in place. I can't tell you who fell asleep first, but I fell asleep in minutes, the exhaustion of moving and the stress of being away from Holly finally dissipating and allowing my eyes to fall shut.

I woke up early the next morning, the alarm clock read just past eight in the morning, I couldn't remember the last time that I had slept for 5 hours straight. I gently moved away from Holly doing my best to not wake her, I knew she would sleep for at least another 4 hours, Holly's sleeping schedule was predictable.

I walked downstairs and started my preparation for the day, operation Holly vacation would be starting with breakfast in bed, once I came back from my therapy session this afternoon I had dinner planned out. I spent the morning cleaning the kitchen and making Holly's breakfast. I came up the stairs as Holly reach to my side of the bed her brow furrowing finding my side of the bed empty.

"Happy Valentine's day." I smiled walking into our room; Holly sat up and smiled, her arms folding out in front of her in a full body stretch. "How long have you been up?" She asked in her sleepy morning voice, I set the tray of food at the foot of the bed and walked towards her. "A few hours." I sat on the edge of the bed watching her arrange her hair into a messy knot before putting on her glasses.

"I made breakfast, and if you were ok with it you could go with me to my appointment and we could grab coffee at that coffee shop you love after." I reached under the bed to grab her present. "That sounds lovely." Holly leaned forward and kissed me softly when I placed the gift box on her lap, wrapped in heart stamped parchment paper. "More presents?!" Holly asked searching my eyes, I smiled and nodded shyly, I had a few different presents for her today.

"You've been great Hol, I want to Show you how much you mean to me." I stood up and moved the tray to rest over her lap, I needed to do something with my hands. I hated giving presents, the uncertainty of the recipient liking the thought out purchase. "Join me for breakfast?" Holly asked unwrapping her present a giddy smile playing on her lips, like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yes." I grabbed my coffee from the tray before moving to my side of the bed, slipping under the covers and scooting over so our knees touched.

I watched Holly run her fingers over the leather briefcase in the box, I had dragged Bailey to three different shops to help me pick it out, I knew Holly loved her ratty and beaten briefcase, she took it everywhere with her. "Gail." Holly glanced up at me, her eyes glassy. "Your other one looks like it came from a crime scene." I laughed watching her run her fingers along the stamped patch on the front that read Nerd, my own personalization to her gift. "I know your grandpa gave it to you when you started high school and that it's your prized possession, but if you want you can use this one." I leaned back against my pillow as Holly pulled it from the box and inspected it.

I waited patiently watching her unclasp the flap and checked the inside pockets, the lining was a soft cream and green plaid wool that fit perfectly with the warm brown leather. "Gail." Holly muttered pulling out the long black velvet box I had hidden inside. "This is too much." Holly gasped when she opened the lid seeing the gold bracelet, a simple chain with a heart shaped clasp. "I love you." Holly turned and stared at me, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "I love you too." I blushed and pointed towards the tray of food. "We should eat before it's cold." I smiled, pushing my hair back all of a sudden nervous for the rest of the day.

Holly laid on the couch reading from the pile of papers Dr. Dwyer had handed me at the end of my session, a new schedule for physical therapy and for my therapy sessions, a referral for a sleep study, recommendations to adopt a dog to help alleviate my stress levels. I watched her as I loaded the dishwasher with the dirty dishes from dinner. We spent the morning lounging around the house together; we had grabbed lunch at Holly's favorite café and walked around to the different artisan stores this afternoon, we had just finished dinner.

"Hurry up so we can start the movie!" Holly laughed from the couch when she caught me staring at her. "Sorry." I laughed rushing through the rest of the dishes and plated the dessert I had picked out. "What do you think?" I asked, motioning towards the papers on the coffee table when I sat next too Holly holding out a plate with various frozen truffles.

"The schedule will work; maybe changing it up will help." Holly smiled, taking the plate and pulling me closer to her. "I've also always wanted a puppy." She laughed causing me to roll my eyes; of course, she would be on board with the puppy recommendation. "Are we a cliché?" I lay my head back against the couch and groaned, I hadn't been sold on the idea of a puppy just yet, Dr. Dwyer had mentioned it a few times, but I didn't know if I could deal with it.

"Why would we be a cliché?" Holly asked setting the plate on the coffee table. "Because we've only known each other for two years, or the fact that we've been dating for a year and a half and we just signed a 30 year mortgage together and now we're talking about adopting a dog?" Holly grinned pulling me into her arms as she lay down. "Maybe." I grunted as Holly ran the tip of her middle finger along the gap between my shirt and my jeans.

"Did you sleep ok last night?" Holly asked, my eyes drifted closed, the feel of her fingertip on my back was driving me insane. "I did, I slept great." I nodded stretching up to kiss her softly. "Thank you for today." I rested my head against her shoulder happy to feel her palm on my back where my shirt had ridden up. "I should be thanking you for today; you went all out Gail." Holly smiled pressing her fingertips into my skin.

"Maybe we should watch the movie up stairs, that way we don't fall asleep on the couch." I breathed against Holly's neck while she drew aimless patterns on my lower back. "We can just go to bed if you're too tired, we did a lot today." Holly mumbled against my hairline as her hand stopped moving, her palm pressing flat against my back, it felt like a burning coal that would ignite my entire body if left there for too long.

Once we were upstairs Holly walked into the in suite bathroom while I walked into the closet, I had a final gift/plan for tonight. I quickly changed and climbed into bed, turning down the bedside lamp. I slouched under the covers and waited for Holly to return. Holly came out of the bathroom wearing an oversized T-shirt, her hair pulled to one side and her face freshly washed. "Should I put the movie on?" Holly asked watching me suspiciously, I shook my head quickly, suddenly extremely nervous.

"Today was wonderful Gail, thank you." Holly smiled sitting on her side of the bed, she discarded her glasses on the bedside table before laying down. "I'm glad." I nodded moving closer to her once she got comfortable. "I have one last present." I breathed kissing her softly, I looped my fingers around her wrist and guided her hand towards my back; I felt the gasp against my lips as Holly pulled me closer, her fingers pressing into my bare skin. "We have a whole house to christen." I muttered pulling her bottom lip between my teeth feeling her moan in response.

Holly

Over the last two months I had grown accustomed to in terms censoring my touches with Gail, I didn't push her, I kept my kisses lite, I let her set the pace. Gail was sensitive about her scars, she didn't let me touch them, she hated it when I stared at them, her skin had been off limits for week. Today had been the first time since before the accident that running my fingers along the small of her back wasn't stopped instantly.

I stood in the bathroom trying to calm myself down, having her close and feeling her skin had sent my libido into hyper drive. I splashed cold water on my face and contemplated taking a cold shower; I knew that Gail had been waiting to watch this movie for a while and that she would not be awake much longer though. I quickly walked back into our bedroom to find Gail slouching in our bed, the covers pulled up past her shoulders.

"Should I put the movie on?" I asked walking towards the TV, Gail quickly shook her head, her wide eyes following me, she seemed uneasy. "Today was wonderful Gail, thank you." I sat on the edge of our bed, taking a moment to pull off my glasses and to connect my phone to its charger. "I'm glad." Gail whispered, I could hear her moving around the bed once I had laid down. "I have one last present." Gail breathed suddenly hovering over me; she smiled before she kissed me softly, her lips barely brushing over mine. I felt my heart thud against my ribs when she grabbed my hand and placed it on her back, her naked, warm, and smooth back. "We have a whole house to christen." She breathed biting softly against my bottom lip. "God." I moaned, pulling her to lay against me, her smooth legs running along mine once settled on top of me.

"I want things to be normal between us again, no more holding back, no being afraid to let you touch me." Gail nipped along my jaw, I ran my hand up her back finding the silky edges of her bra; I traced the seam, while her eyes searched my face. "I love you." I breathed leaning forward to kiss her, rolling her onto her back. "Are you sure?" I stared down at her, seeing the crimson bra strap; I loved the way the color contrasted with her pale skin. Gail nodded shyly biting down on her lower lip. "Yes I'm sure, I miss the way you feel against me." Gail breathed running her hands under my shirt, tracing the lines of my ribs.

"I love you." I whimpered before her lips crashed into mine, her tongue running along my lower lip while she pulled me down against her, the kiss was slow and soul crushing, I felt my lungs begging for air but I didn't want to pull away, afraid that I had dreamt the entire situation. "I love you too." Gail murmured breathlessly against my lips, her hands tugging at my shirt. "Off." Gail muttered, I sat back and pulled off my shirt, she sat up and took my nipple into her mouth ripping a moan from my lips. "I've missed the way your skin feels against my lips, the taste that is purely you." Gail breathed kissing her way to my other nipple. I had no capacity for words only the wordless whimper that escaped my lips as her teeth scraped against my skin.

Suddenly the urge to taste her took over, I gently reached behind her to unclasp her bra before pressing her back, I kissed her running my tongue greedily over her lips as I pressed her against the mattress. "God." Gail groaned and I kissed down her throat nipping gently at the delicate skin working my way to the thumping pulse at the base of her neck. "Hol!" Gail breathed, her fingers pressing into my back while I nipped at the base of her throat determined to leave a mark. "Fuck holly!" Gail buried her fingers in my hair both pulling me closer and pushing me away.

I moved down and kissed my way between her breast gently tugging Gail's bra down her arms revealing her pale skin and her hard pink nipples. "Fuck." I grinned determining which one to greet first, which one I needed to reacquaint myself with; I wonderws if they would feel different against my lips, if they tasted different. I kissed the center of Gail's chest before kissing along the ridge of her left breast; I closed my eyes and wrapped my lips around her nipple moaning as she arched towards my mouth.

I wanted to tattoo my love for Gail on her soul, to write it with my lips on every inch of her skin, to taste every inch of skin I could find. I moved back to Gail's lips, slowing my pace and sinking into the feeling of her against me. "I love you." I stared into her eyes, seeing the vulnerability and need when she stared back at me. "I love you so much." I leaned in and kissed her softly running my hand along her ribs. "I love every part of you Gail." I rested my hand over her heart. "I love you too." Gail smiled arching into me, her thigh moving to press against me, sending all of my blood rushing south. "Fuck." I gasped, Gail reached up and palmed my breast with a wicked grin.

"I'm going to pay you back for the hickey too." Gail shook her head; I leaned down and nipped along her collarbone working my way back down her body kissing every freckle, it would be my turn to take her first. "Please don't." Gail whimpered when I paused, seeing the tip of the 9 inch scar that ran from her hip to her ribs. "I love every part of you Gail." I moved to settle at her side when her eyes fell shut. "I hate that I'm scarred." Gail breathed whipping her eyes before meeting mine; I leaned in and pressed my lips to her cheek pulling her into my arms. "I love them." I gently kissed her top lip and then her bottom lip. "They prove that you're here, that you're alive." I felt my eyes well up when her eyes met mine.

I reached out and took her hand in mine leading it to the first scar just left of her belly button. "I love this one because I get to wake up with you by my side." I guided her hand along the thin line gently; the scar was raised and uneven. "I love this one because I get to see you smile and hear you laugh." I muttered kissing her once her finger came in contact with the seconds scar, the one just over her belly button. "And this one." I looked down to trace the older scar along Gail's right hip. "I love this one because I met you." I watched Gail close her eyes and lean into me. "This one." I kissed along Gail's jaw softly, my voice dropping to just above a whisper. "I love this scar because you woke up and said you loved me, we have a house together and I get to kiss you." I ran her fingers from the top of the scar to the bottom edge just along her hip slowly.

"I love them, I love you." I groaned when she guided my hand to the edge of her silk and lace boy shorts, her eyes meeting mine before she pushed my hand under them. "I love you too." She nodded and ran her hand up my forearm, placing her fingers in my hair, pulling me into a deep kiss as I pressed my fingers into her slick folds moaning when I felt the heat building in her core. "God." Gail gasped, her eyes falling shut. I worked slow circles over her clit watching her suck on her bottom lip. "God your wet." I breathed felling Gail rock towards my hand, her grip in my hair tightening, her head falling back against the pillows.

I could tell by the way she worked her bottom lip between her teeth that she was close, her rocking becoming erratic when I eased two fingers into her feeling her walls tighten against me. "Faster." Gail grunted, I took her nipple between my lips running my tongue over the stiff nub. "Please." Gail whimpered and I began to pump into her, running my thumb over her hard clit. Gail's hands moved from my hair to the bed sheets as she went stiff, her back bowing off the bed as my name tumbled from her lips; I slowed my pace when she collapsed against the bed her chest heaving, greedily gulping for air.

I kissed my way down her body feeling her muscles quiver under my lips; I stopped to kiss each of her scars, never breaking eye contact with her. I moved on working my way towards her heated core the smell of her arousal engulfing me, slowly I slipped the crimson boy shorts down her smooth legs. I looked up at Gail once I had settled between her legs, her lapis eyes foggy but staring back at me. I kissed the inside of her thigh, feeling her shutter before the Goosebumps appeared on her skin, I left a trail of open mouth kisses along both of her thighs before settling on my prize. Her eyes burned into mine as I bent down and took her clit between my lips gently running length of my tongue over the sensitive cluster of nerves.

"Hol!" Gail moaned licking her lips, her fists gripping desperately at the sheets. Her taste was intoxicating, addicting, and all encompassing. I alternated between gentle sucks and rough swipes of my tongue, her second orgasm would build slower than the first. I wanted to take my time to let the sensation build gradually. "God you taste good." I muttered breathing her in, I ran my tongue along her opening collecting her pooling wetness and pushing it towards her clit. Gail's hands shot to my hair when I scraped my teeth gently over her sensitive flesh quickly soothing it over with my tongue.

"Holly!" Gail gasped, holding me in place; I sucked greedily at her center needing to feel her come undone against my lips, to taste her when she lost control. The sweet elixir that was Gail Peck fueled my need to bring her over the edge. I continued to work patterns over her clit as her moans turned to gasps and then nothing, her back arched off the mattress and her mouth fell open in a silent scream as she came.

I moved up the bed and smiled at Gail, who covered her face with both hands, her chest heaving with each quick breath. "I've missed this, the shy you, the way you taste." I grinned, pulling her into my arms; she uncovered her face and rested her head against my chest. "I just need a moment, fuck that…" She gulped in air. "fuck." She laughed, kissing my neck still taking deep breaths. "I almost forgot." I smiled turning towards my nightstand quickly grabbing the box Gail's valentines present had been wrapped in.

"Happy valentine's day." I handed her the box, taking a deep breath when she sat up and unwrapped it, the silver paper reflecting the dim light in the room. "You shouldn't have gotten me a gift." She smiled, pulling the lid to the box off. "Wow." Gail breathed, seeing the Diamond studs; she gently ran her fingers over the velvet backing. "I…" Gail stared at them for a moment and then at me. "Holly, I Can't." She muttered thrusting the box back towards me shaking her head. "It's too much." She stared at me wide eyed, I took the box and stared at the earrings for a moment. "Gail, you've wined and dined me today, you've given me the best gifts, I spent two hours picking them out searching for the perfect pair." I chewed on my lip, she stared at me while I stared at the earrings. "They pale in comparison to the gifts you have given me today." I placed the box back in her lap, deciding that she had no choice, they were hers.

Gail stared at me for a moment her expression unsure as she reached for the box and ran her fingers over the earrings. Gail had a neckless, the pair to mine and she never took it off, she didn't wear bracelets, she didn't wear a watch, she loved earrings though. "What's under here?" Gail asked, running her fingers over the silk pouch under the earrings. "The cheesy gift." I laughed to myself; She removed the pouch from the box staring at the shiny gold material.

"Coupons?" Gail asked reading Good for One stamped on the back of the cards she pulled from the bag, black stalk coupons the size of business cards stamped with Silver lettering. "Its corny, it could be fun though." I laughed, kissing along Gail's shoulder; my need to taste her skin would never be satisfied. "What are they for?" Gail asked flipping the first coupon over to read the front. "Vito to my choice in movie" Gail laughed shuffling through the first few cards, "only three of them?" She smiled flipping through the various coupons for chores, and dinner dates, and massages. "Use them wisely." I mumbled against her shoulder, my lips still brushing over her bare skin.

"What's in the envelope?" Gail asked once she reached the end of the stack, her eyes roaming over the red envelope. "Other coupons, you don't have to read them, but they're there." I blurted out suddenly feeling my cheeks burn hot, I had forgotten about the other cards, a drunken decision while Skyping with Bailey. "These sound like the good coupons." Gail laughed, pulling out the stack of gold cards; these were printed on plastic credit cards, the black lettering contrasting with the gold background.

A weekend getaway with me, and we'll be naked most of the time

Shopping spree to a the lingerie store of your choice

Live out your fantasy

Dress me up in your favorite food and lick it off

Make me your willing servant for a day

A day of sex with any toy of your choice

Strip tease

Lap dance

Visit to the toy store

Steamy shower

Bubble bath for two

One quickie no excuses

Champagne and strawberries in bed

I watched as Gail read each card before she slid them back into the red envelope. "I can use those whenever I want?" She asked, biting her lip reaching over me to set the box on my nightstand. "Yeah." I nodded, pulling her down to lay over me, her heated skin acting as a blanket to keep me from the slight chill in our bedroom. "Why are they printed on plastic cards?" Gail asked staring down at my lips. "I thought we could keep them in play, if you give me a card I can use it and vice versa." I smiled, running my hands along her back, my body still living from the high of feeling Gail's skin. "I don't know how I'm going to dress you in cheese puffs, I look forward to trying." Gail grinned kissing me, her lips setting a tempo that my heart and my libido responded to in kind.

My two week vacation from work had proven to be the defining factor in our coupled recovery, the final barriers being torn down as we relearned each other's bodies, laying everything bare during night spent cuddling on the couch. I had been back to work for three days now working on case files that were due in court soon, I missed the endless hours spent in Gail's arms, I knew that soon she would also be back at work and we would fall back into our routines.

When I walked in the door that evening I was met by the booming voice of Bill Peck and by the clatter of claws on tile as the furry red Merle puppy ran towards me. "Gunner!" Gail called causing the dog to stop in his tracks and lay down in front of me, his tail wagging as I looked up at Gail. "Hi." She smiled shyly walking towards me, her eyes staring down at the blotchy brown, tan, and white dog at my feet.

"Gunner?" I asked softly as Gail nodded and wrapped her arms around me. "Bao brought him in a little while ago. Fully trained police dog who was hurt on his first day on the job." Gail muttered patting her hip, Gunner jumped up and watched her eagerly. "He's a bomb dog, he got into the wrong chemicals and it messed up his nose, he's been retired." Gail stated scratching behind his ear.

"Gunner is ours?" I asked, grinning, we had made the final decision on adopting a dog a few days ago, but that the dog would be Gail's pick, she would benefit from his company and they needed to pick each other. "Gunner is ours yes." Gail smiled and I quickly knelt down to sit with gunner on the floor. He crawled into my lap and licked my face while I scratched his back; his blue eyes were eerily like Gail's.

"He's house broken and does tricks." Gail nodded and she pointed towards the living room. "Gunner search." She smiled as he ran towards the living room and started sniffing every surface. "I thought his nose was hurt?" I asked, standing up wiping off my jeans. "He can't smell trace evidence anymore, and he can't smell most chemicals. He can still smell his treats though." Gail laughed as he laid down next to the couch and let out a soft woof. "Did you find it Gunner!?" Gail asked, walking into the living room; he quickly stood up and pawed at the couch. "Good boy!" she laughed, pulling the treats from between the couch cushions.

"Dr. Samuels says I can start running again, 1.5 Km a day, three times a week, Gunner will be a good running partner." Gail smiled, I walked into the kitchen to greet her dad who was working on the vegetables for dinner. "Gail used to run with Duke my service dog in high school, she ran nearly 12 Km a day back then." Bill smiled as he peeled potatoes, we had our monthly Family dinner tonight, and I knew that my parents and Bailey would be here soon as well as Steve, Tracie, and Leo.

"Leo will be excited that we have a dog." I laughed washing my hands taking over for Bill, I knew he hated the vegetable work and would much rather work on the meats. "Tracie said as much over the phone." Gail smiled, walking up behind me brushing my hair to the side, kissing the nape of my neck. I still wasn't 100% used to PDA Gail, since her release from the hospital our public displays of affection had gone from holding hands and the occasional kiss, to her holding me in her arms and being outwardly affectionate in front of anyone.

"What do you think about Gunner?" Bill asked when he caught me staring at the puppy laying in the middle of the living room floor chewing on a stuffed duck. "He's beautiful, I've always wanted a puppy. We had hamsters and guinea pigs growing up, never dogs or cats." I shrugged reaching for another potato. "Lucky for you Gunner's already trained; you don't need to house break him." Bill laughed to himself as Gail rested her head on my shoulder watching me work.

"He came with a handbook too; I know how much you love reading." I felt the laugh leave Gail's lips before she pulled away from me and walked into the living room. "How old is he?" I asked, Gunner still had puppy-ish features, from his too big of paws to his floppy ears. "6 months; he was on a training raid when he got hurt." Bill mumbled as he moved towards the back door or the house with a tray of meat. "I thought you were getting one of Bao's other puppies today?" I asked Gail when she set a binder on the kitchen counter. "I did, the other puppies were cute, but none of them seemed the least bit interested in me. Gunner ran up to me at the door, floppy ears and wagging tail. Bao said he been depressed and that I'm the first person he's come up to." Gail sputtered gesturing to Gunner.

"Bao needed to find a home for him, he already has three retired service dogs. I couldn't leave him." Gail watched me, a pout appearing on her lips when I grinned. "You're a sap, a giant softy." I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Bao worked it out with the department, and I paid his fees and he's ours." Gail shrugged picking up the metal bowl from the mat by the fridge. "What does one pay for a police dog?" I asked curiously, as Gail filled the bowl with water, I surveyed the room and noticed the collection of dog toys, the leash hanging by the back door and the large dog bed near the sofa. "I paid a dollar for him." Gail laughed, setting the bowl down slowly trying not to spill the water over the brim.

"I'm a cop, I was able to sign him out of the force for a buck." Gail turned and watched me quizzically, her eyes searching my face as I peeled the last potato. "Are you ok with this?" She asked shyly, her lip worried between her teeth, I moved towards the sink to rinse the mixture of vegetables Bill had prepared. "Gail, I am 100% ok with Gunner, as long as he doesn't think he's sleeping between us." I laughed turning on the tap. "Finish this?" I asked, gesturing to the vegetables; Gail nodded and I dried my hands before walking into the living room. "Hi boy." I smiled down at Gunner, his blue eyes staring back up at me. "Up." I tapped my chest and he jumped up panting. "Good boy." I grinned scratching his back; his coat was an impressive mixture of browns, tans, and whites.

"He's been here a few hours, it felt different." Gail called from the kitchen while I played with Gunner; he seemed to like the stuffed duck. "It didn't feel as never racking to be on my own." Gail leaned on the counter and watched me. Being home alone worried Gail, her anxiety had been the main subject in her therapy sessions for weeks. "Tomorrow will be the main test." She sighed before turning towards the stove. "You'll help her, right, keep her busy?" I asked, scratching Gunners ears while he chewed on the duck, his eyes moving towards me before moving towards the door. He didn't bark but the hair on his back raised as he slowly stood up.

"Steve's here." Gail laughed, walking towards the front door as the doorbell rang. Gunner stood in the entryway watching the door. Gail pointed towards the floor and Gunner laid down, his eyes still trained on the door. "Hi!" Leo greeted as he rushed past Gail towards Gunner whose tail started wagging wildly. "Can I?!" Leo asked, stopping just before him, I could tell that he wasn't sure how to approach Gunner. Gail nodded and raised her palm; Gunner stood up and licked Leo before running back to me to grab his duck.

I watched as he dropped the toy at Leo's feet and waited for him to pick it up. "Why don't you go in the back and play?" Steve asked as he walked towards Leo. "Dad's back there." Gail nodded, following Tracie into the kitchen. "How are things?" Steve asked as Leo and Gunner bolted towards the back door. "Amazing." I beamed and he hugged me quickly, I had found an unlikely friend in Steve, I never expected to get close to him after the detective big brother incident. "She seems happier." Steve smiled as he turned to watch Gail and Tracie; I noticed the slight glint on Tracie's hand as she moved.

"Congratulations." I nudged him as he grinned, the same mischievous grin that periodically found its way to Gail's lips. "Thank you, I asked her last night." Steve beamed as Gail grabbed Tracie's hand, her eyes going wide. "When are you going to make an honest woman of my sister?" Steve asked and my mouth went dry, in all of the conversations that Gail and I had had over the last few month marriage had not come up. I stared at Gail, she hugged Tracie with a genuine smile on her lips. "We haven't talked about it." I shrugged as Gail turned to me; the furrow between her eyebrows appeared while she searched my face.

A million questions formed in my mind, I wondered what Gail's thoughts on weddings and marriage were. If I should, be ring shopping, if she hated weddings, if she never wanted to get married. Would we have a family or would this be our life me, Gail, and Gunner. Leo's laughter from the porch brought me out of my thoughts, I shook my head slightly and refocused on the kitchen were Gail no longer stood. "You ok there nerd?" Gail asked from beside me causing me to jump. "What, yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine!?" I sputtered quickly, I knew that Gail wanted to question my sudden change in behavior but she smiled and kissed my cheek before following Steve out to the porch. For the time being at least, I needed to collect my thoughts, organize them, and lay out a plan to broach the subject with Gail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: There is a link in my bio if you wanna see what Gunner looks like.


	24. CURTAIN CALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USING MY PHONE, I MANAGED TO DELETE THE WHOLE STORY ON ACCIDENT. :(
> 
>  
> 
> So I write each chapter in different parts, and they end up in different documents sometimes and I forget to combine them…
> 
> I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to post this, I've written and rewritten this chapter what feels like a dozen times and it seems to fall short every time.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has taken time to read this story, thank you for every comment, favorite, and follow. I've always been self-conscious about my writing and I have a slight panic attack with every chapter I post but I've been slowly getting over my fears thanks to you wonderful people.
> 
> Here is the complete final chapter, and if you read the part posted originally I am sorry.

**  
1 month later**

**Gail**

Desk duty sucks, I answer the phone and I deal with people claiming that their lost pets require police action. I couldn't express how happy being back at work made me though, having something new to occupy my mind and my time.

"What are you going to do with this guy when you're back on patrol?" Oliver asked, walking up to me, he motion to Gunner who slept in his dog bed at my feet. "We all know that Gunner has turned into the station dog, I'll bring him in when I'm on patrol if that ever happens." I shrugged shuffling the papers on the desk for no real reason; I didn't want to talk about my potential for being back on patrol.

"You'll get there Gail, it's just taking time." Oliver shrugged, setting a paper bag next to me with a grin. "I'm off to do, my mind-numbing paperwork." Oliver laughed and walked back towards his office, I peeked into the paper bag and grinned, Oliver had brought me a bear claw and a bag of Cheese puffs.

Nerd: Dinner is tonight right?

Love: Yep. Bailey is bringing Camden, they're finally admitting that they're dating

Nerd: About time, you may beat me home. I'm processing cold case stuff for Sam.

Love: Take your time, I can deal with the masses.

* * *

I pulled into the garage at the same time my dad had turned into the driveway. Gunner jumped out of the car and ran up to him as he made his way into the garage. "Hey." I hugged him before I let him into the house; our relationship had grown so much since my accident. Gunner ran into the house before us and sat by his food bowl patiently.

"He's used to the routine." My dad laughed, rolling up his sleeves as he washed his hands. "That is for sure." I laughed, filling his bowl with food before I sat at the counter facing my dad. "How's work?" my dad asked, drying his hands. "Its work, I'm happy to be back, I want to be back on patrol but I'll take what I can get." I shrugged, watching Gunner eat.

"Any progress?" My dad asked, grabbing two beers from the fridge and offering one to me. "Not really, I have to pass the physical before I'm cleared for full duty and I can't do much, every time I try my kidney swells and my scars hurt." I shrugged hearing the garage door open. "How do they stop that?" My dad asked, sipping his beer.

The healing process been shitty from ripping my stitches repeatedly to now my kidney refusing to cooperate. It had been frustrating and grating on my last nerve. "They are talking about taking out the part of my kidney that is still in there." I muttered into my beer bottle hearing the door open, Gunner ran into the hall and waited for Holly to put her coat and bag up before demanding to be given attention.

"They put me on new medication and I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon to see if it's helping." I watched Holly's shadow in the hallway as she greeted Gunner. "Keep me updated please?" My dad asked, turning to pull food from the fridge. We hosted dinner once a month, for the most part my dad cooked while the rest of us basked in recently discovered culinary genius.

I could help but remember the events of our morning, the reason that I had shown up to work 15 minutes late, and the reason that Holly had sent me 30 texts before lunch.

_I woke up with more energy than I had had since leaving the hospital, I snuck out of bed and went into the closet to change. I wanted to take advantage of my energy, it been weird for me to not feel sluggish and tired, not feeling the need to drink an entire pot of coffee to simply function normally for a few hours._

" _Are you going running?" Holly asked when I reappeared by the bed, squinting at me reaching for the sheets had been kicked to the end of the bed. "I'm going to try, that being the key word." I nodded, pulling on my socks; I had stolen Holly's favorite hoodie to wear with my leggings. "Don't push yourself too hard." Holly nodded, grabbing the comforter from my side of the bed and rolling over to go back to sleep._

_Holly had given up in a way, allowing me to do what I wanted because I had become hell bent on being cleared for active duty, on passing the academy physical. I made my way down stairs smiling at the sound of paws rushing down the stairs once Gunner realized I was leaving. "Ready boy?" I asked, turning to Gunner with his leash in hand; I sat on the bench by the front door and pulled on my running shoes. I clipped the Gunners leash to his collar and put my headphones on finding my running playlist and walked out the door._

_I started slow a semi speed walking semi-jogging pace to warm up my underused muscles; I turned my music up and made my way towards the top of our street to the running path. I jogged for a few blocks before I opened my running app and tried to up my pace. The thing with running and scars on your side is pretty simple, the scar pulls with every stride and it hurts, I stopped to make sure that I hadn't somehow managed to break the scar and injure myself yet again._

_I stood to the side of the running path for a moment, attempting to catch my breath; I had managed to run for less than 4 minutes, the pain was too much to handle. "Walking for now bud." I complained and started walking slowly, my side protested all major movement with sharp shooting pains, and I walked for a while before turning back to the house._

_When I walked in the front door, I had a one-track mind, ibuprofen and water that is all I needed. "Gail?" Holly called from her office as I undid Gunners leash and kicked out of my shoes. "Yeah I'm back." I groaned rummaging through the cabinet for the pill bottle I knew Holly kept there, Gunner watched me before running into Holly's office, and I could hear him whimper before he rushed back to the kitchen._

" _Do you need to go out?" I asked when he stopped next to me. "Give me a second." I muttered, grabbing a water bottle; Gunner ran back into Holly's office and whimpered again. "What's up?" I heard Holly following as he rushed back into the kitchen and laid at my feet._

" _What's up Gunner?" Holly asked again before looking up at me. "Are you ok?" Holly rounded the counter and picked up the pill bottle. "I tried running; the scar on my side pulled like a bitch and it hurts." I muttered, watching her lift the hoodie to look at my side; her fingers gently probed the edges of the scar the worried frown I hated to appear on her face. "Its red, does it hurt?" Holly asked, tucking the hoodie into my sports bar, she reached into the cabinet and pulled out a tube of muscle ache cream._

" _It's tender." I touched Holly's arm as she gently applied the cream to my scar. "She's fine boy." Holly muttered, glancing down at Gunner who stared up at both of us; he stood up and walked to his water bowl seemingly sated now that I had been appraised. "How did your run go otherwise?" Holly asked, pulling my hoodie down and placing her hands on my hips._

" _I can't run, I walked mostly." I pouted wrapping my arms around Holly pulling her closer. I wasn't used to be limited or slow, I had made it 2 KM in 45 minutes. "You'll get it back; you just have to work up to it. You can't put on your running shoes and expect to run at your best levels after major surgery and 4 months of limited activity." Holly kissed my forehead and gently rubbed my back. "I need to pass my physical Hol. I can't pass my physical if I can't even run." I pulled away from Holly and walked towards the fridge, my frustration getting the better of me._

" _Your job is demanding and you can't go back to full duty at 50%. You're frustrated and I know that you want to be back to normal and you can't rush yourself." Holly leaned against the counter and watched me down a glass of water. "If you push yourself and you hurt yourself it's only going to take longer. Take baby steps. If you try to run a 10 K in 45 minutes you'll hurt yourself." Holly's eyes followed me as I paced along the kitchen island._

" _I hate this Holly; this didn't happen on the job. This happened outside of work, I was off duty and I can't work, and I can't run up the stairs without wanting to take a nap. I want to be able to lift you onto the counter again, to do my job; I just want this whole thing to be behind me." I could feel the tears in my eyes threatening to spill over, not being able to run today had only added to already overfilled bag bottle of frustration._

_I stared at my feet as Gunner sat to my left and leaned into me, his ears perked and his eyes watching me. I took a deep breath before sitting on the floor; Gunner crawled into my lap and stared at me. "I know that I'm whining, that I'm acting like a child but it sucks. Everyone is living their lives as usual and I'm stuck doing therapy and talking to the doctors about the possibility of another surgery." I scratched Gunner's back before I looked up at Holly._

" _Gail, I know." Holly sighed, sitting next to me as I leaned back against the cabinet. "You're not used to being limited, you're all go all the time and suddenly the brakes had been slammed down and it's taking time to speed up again." Holly ran her hand along my thigh as I tried to control my emotions._

_Gunner licked my hands and watched as Holly tried to comfort me, having them both here when I started freaking out had helped more than I thought possible. Gunner sensed my panic attacks before Holly and me, he would sit near me or he would move into my lap._

" _What can I do to help?" Holly asked, turning to look at me, the worried furrow between her eyebrows deepening. "I don't know." I sniffled leaning against her, needing the contact to ground me. "Ugh." I complained closing my eyes, seeing the clock on the wall. "I need to go shower and get to work. I feel better after expressing my frustration. Thank you." I kissed Holly softly before I stood up and held my hand out to her. "I'll let you know if I can think of anything." I smiled, leaving Holly and Gunner in the kitchen as I walked upstairs._

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sight of Holly coming into the kitchen, a grin plaster on her lips. "Bill." Holly hugged my dad. "Holly, how are you still putting up with this one?" My dad laughed with a big smile, it was great seeing my dad smile so much and laugh. "We are still trying to train her aren't we Gunner?" Holly laughed walking up to me. "Hi." Holly laughed wrapping her arms around me. "Hi." I laughed, kissing her quickly before Gunner tried to wedge between us. "Jealous much?" I laughed, reaching down to pet him.

"Just wait until you give me grandbabies." My dad laughed, walking onto the deck to start the grill. Holly snorted and shook her head. "I'm going to go upstairs and shower." Holly ran upstairs and watched her leave semi amused by the look on her face when my dad said grand babies.

* * *

I watched Holly from our bed as she wondered too and from our in-suite bathroom, every time she reappeared in a new state of undress. "I'm gunna go to sleep." I smiled when Holly walked out of the bathroom in her pajama bottoms and a sports bra. "I'm going to stay up a little while." Holly stopped and kissed me before walking into our closet.

Gunner laid at the end of our bed snoring and keeping my feet warm, he made sure to keep almost contestant contact with me when I slept, and he was the first to wake me from my nightmares now. I wanted to sleep, my body felt heavy and my eyes were weighted, my brain was suddenly in hyper drive though. I laid there thinking about my life until this point, how I had found my place in the world, how for the first time it felt right. It really felt like a dream, I couldn't quite grasp the fact that I had Holly, that we had made it to this point, we had a dog and a house together.

I knew that Holly was my person, the only person in the universe that I was meant to be with. I had been a horrible girlfriend in the past, with Holly; I had grown and tried my best to not repeat my past mistakes. I couldn't imagine waking up to anyone else for the rest of my life, kissing anyone else, being in anyone else's arms.

The soft footfalls of Holly coming up the stairs brought me out of my thoughts; I had been lying in bed for over an hour. "I thought you were going to sleep." Holly breathed climbing into bed, her voice soft and soothing. "I had planned on it." I laughed Rolling over to face her; I studied her features, the slope of her nose and bow of her lips.

"Are you ok, you've been kind of spacy all night?" I smiled, reaching for her hand; we fit together like puzzle pieces. The entire dinner, Holly had been quiet and distant, which was odd behavior for her. "I'm sorry; I didn't think it had been that noticeable." Holly smiled shyly as she sat up; I watched her reach for the bedside lamp before I sat up knowing that this conversation needed my full attention.

"Steve asked me when we were getting married and I freaked out because your dad brought up grandkids. We've done so much to plan out our future but haven't had an actual conversation about what we are doing." Holly's eyes searched my face; her lip worried between her teeth and her grip on my hand tightening as if I would run away.

"Did you propose? Did I miss that?" I asked; Holly's expression became confused as she shook her head slowly. "Let Steve worry about his wedding Hol." I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "If at some point we choose to get married, I'm sure that day will be one of the best days of my life. If you never want to get married and we just spend the rest of our lives together, I'll be happy." I reached out and touched Holly's cheek with my free hand, I could see the gears turning as she took in my words.

"Do you want to get married?" Holly murmured, her lips brushed against my palm as she spoke, her words barely above a whisper. "Maybe, not in a traditional fancy ball gown wedding, I've always pictured my wedding being simple and small." I wrapped my arm around Holly's waist, pulling her into my side.

"When we get married you don't want a wedding with 200 guests?" Holly asked, leaning into me, I couldn't contain the smile at hearing her say when we get married, not if we get married. "Holly I don't even want 100 people, seriously I can name 15 people I would invite to our wedding." I laughed, running my thumb under her shirt along her lower back. "If you want a wedding with 200 guests and ball gowns, I'm ok with it as long as you're ok with me being drunk off my ass through the reception." I grinned watching her smile back at me.

"A simple wedding sounds great." Holly turned the perfect crooked smile that I couldn't resist spread across her lips. I leaned forward to kiss her, uses our joined hands as leverage I pulled her closer, moaning when she moved to straddle my lap.

"I love you." I murmured against Holly's lips when she pulled back, the need for air no longer undeniable. "I love you too." She grinned, sitting back on her heals staring at me, her lips were red and swollen.

"Do you want kids?" Holly asked, reaching out to tame my hair. "I don't know." I shrugged sucking on my lower lip, I loved kids, but I had never given much thought to having my own. "I don't know if I would be good for a kid, especially right now I'm physically incapable of doing nearly everything and they may need to cut me open again. I'm mental kind of unstable because of my kidnapping and the attack, just think back to this morning. I also grew up with a mother who was more worried about her job than being there for us. I've only ever seen glimpses into what I could consider a normal parent child relationship." I ran my hands along Holly's hips, searching for the right words. "I might turn into Elaine, and that scares me." I muttered, staring down at my hands.

"Frist, you are healing and you will physically be 100% soon, and we are working on the rest you know, PTSD doesn't go away overnight. We will face everything head on ok, if you need surgery then we will figure it out together. I don't think you could turn into Elaine either, you're so loving Gail. You're amazing with kids, I've seen you with Leo and with the kids you work with. You would be a great mom, and you would look sexy pregnant." Holly touched my chin bringing my attention back to her face, her eyes were shining and she had the biggest smile on her lips. When Holly looked at me like this, I felt as if I could take on the world, she somehow gave me the strength and the confidence to at least try.

"What about you, do I get to see you pregnant?" I asked, staring at her, the way she bit on the corner of her lip and smiled wider. "Speaking logically, you have a safer job. You are at less risk of being hurt on the job at least, you can be a klutz, but that is normally only when you are at home." I laughed leaning forward to kiss her chin. "I can imagine our babies having your brown eyes and crooked smile." I let my lips brush against hers as I spoke. "It could be an issue though. If our children look anything like you I'll be the pushover parent giving them whatever they want. I'm already wrapped around your finger doing what you want, I can only imagine what would happen if there was a mini you running around." I kissed her softly, letting my lips linger for a moment.

"What if I want little pale babies with your gingerish hair and blue eyes?" Holly asked, I felt the vibration of her voice as I kissed down the column of her neck. "It's only fair that if you have a mini me that I get a mini you." Holly moaned when I sucked at the base of her neck. "Fair is fair, I guess." I muttered against her skin, using my position to push her onto her back. "We totally need to practice the whole baby making thing though." I laughed kissing her lips.

"Are we ok now, are you done freaking out now that we have our wedding and our future babies all figured out?" I asked settling between her legs, she closed her eyes and smiled. "Small wedding and little nerd cop babies running around." Holly's voice dropped into a dreamy tone before she pulled me closer. "Sounds like a wonderful life." Holly ran her hands up my shirt, her eyes opened and if felt as if they were burning into my soul.

"Sounds like a wonderful life indeed."

**THE END**

I hope you enjoyed the journey.

XO 3 R.


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